Category Archives for "Behavior"

1 How can a girl stop thinking about boys enough to study?

Charis asks: I seriously hate studying, and want to be in a relationship asap. The problem is, I’m 13! How do you focus on your studies and stop thinking about guys all the time?

Hi Charis!

 

Ummm… you can’t.

 

If you’re obsessed with something, there is no way in the world for you to stop thinking about it.  I’ll bet if someone hit you on the head with a hammer and knocked you out, you’d spend the next two days unconscious, dreaming about boys.  That’s just where you are today, and that’s okay.

 

But you do bring up two other issues.  First, how do you focus on your studies.  Well, when I was in Obedience Training, the way the teacher had Handsome keep me focused was to keep a bag of Continue reading

How to deal with a child who always wants to go outside.

NBN asks: How do I cope with my 6year old cousin, who cannot stay in the home for even a minute, always out all the time.

Hmm…  Well, Handsome makes sure we live in a house with a fenced-in yard, so I can go outside a lot, but I think he’s mainly concerned about me running away, while you’re more bothered about this kid just wanting to be outside all the time.

 

My biggest question is Why.  Why does he want to be outside all the time, and why does it annoy you?  You see, I love Continue reading

Study Tips for Teenagers

CaNdAcE asks: Do you have any school tips for teenagers?

Hi CaNdAcE –

School?  Me?!  I only had one school experience, which involved working very hard to stay focused on sitting and heeling when I was much more interested in the smells of the other eight dogs in the room.  The main tip I remember from that school was to keep reminding myself that Handsome had a bag of treats in his pocket, and so was way more worthy of my attention than those pooches.

But is there anything I can offer to teenagers?  People who’ve already been in school five years or more?  Not much – except that maybe teens can have Continue reading

1 How to deal with Panic Attacks and Anxiety

Sridevi asks: I am not sure if I have OCD. Sometimes I get really scary thoughts, or pictures in my mind, like that I’m harming someone. It causes me great pain and anxiety. I once had a panic attack for about five seconds – then I listened to some soothing music and felt okay. I do not have any compulsions, though; I don’t do any repeated tasks. I am so confused! Please help!

Hi Sridevi –

 

Well it definitely sounds like you don’t have OCD.  The “C” of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder is “Compulsive,” and you don’t have that.  It also doesn’t really sound like you’re terribly obsessive either.

 

But it sounds like you’re absolutely right when you say that you have a lot of Continue reading

1 Should a 14-year-old girl date a 17-year-old boy.

afrakoma prisca asks: I am a girl of 14 years (I turn 15 in October), and I have a date with a 17-year-old. Because people are jealous of us, they always want a separation between us, so they always report me to my mother and also lie. What should I do? Should I leave that person or continue with him?

Hi afrakoma prisca:

I’m sorry you’re going through such a tough experience.  There are a few issues here that I think are really important.

First, three years is a long time when you’re 14.  So this boy is a lot older than you.  Now when you’re 24 and he’s 27, that’ll feel totally normal.  But for right now, I’m not going to say you shouldn’t see him, but it’s awfully important that you make sure that he Continue reading

How to make sure your daughter behaves on her prom night.

Pearly asks: How do I ensure my teenage daughter doesn’t misbehave on prom night?

Hi Pearly –

 

Well, the easy and awful answer is: You can’t.  But the news isn’t as bad as that sounds.

 

My point is that your daughter is the person she is, the person you’ve raised.  By the time one is ready for a prom, boy or girl, they’ve developed a moral code, and have a sense of themselves.  Now in your mind, she’ll always be your baby girl, irresponsible and unable to take care of herself.  But imagine you just met her this year.  What opinion would you have of her then?  Is she a complete troublemaker?  Does she care about others?  Does she eat, drink, sniff, or smoke all sort of illegal things?  Does she respect herself and have some boundaries when she’s around her peers?

 

Well, the fact is, Prom Night does seem important (Handsome says he has lovely memories of his), but the truth is – it’s just another night.  She won’t be a different person that night than she was the night before, or the night after.  Now does that mean she might not want to do some things she hasn’t done before?  No it doesn’t.

 

And that’s where you come in.

 

Sometime before Prom night, get some time alone with her.  I don’t mean to walk into her room and interrupt a phone call to lecture her – I mean take her out to lunch or dinner, somewhere she loves.  Just the two of you.  And tell her how proud you are of what she’s accomplished in her life.  And ask her if there’s anything she wants to ask you about your prom night (if she doesn’t ask, that’s fine, it might be more than she wants to know just now).  And tell her, most importantly, that it will be a beautiful night for her no matter what, that she’ll look great, and have a lot of fun.  And that she’s in charge of what she does, or doesn’t do.  And that anything she doesn’t want to do, she’ll be able to do at another time.

 

And if you want to be really great, you can also throw an offer her way: that if she’s in a situation at any time when she’s uncomfortable, that she can call you and you’ll come right out to her.  It’s not impossible that she could be with kids who are drinking and driving, or some other activity that scares her, and it’d be great for her to know you’re there.

 

But my main message to you is, just as I was the same dog before and after I graduated from Obedience School, your daughter is your daughter.  There’s still lots you can teach her and help her with, but if she’s a good person today, she’ll be a good person that night.

 

And truly, the best message you can give her is that you’re proud of all she’s done.  That’ll do more to keep her “in line” than any negative warnings you could ever say!

 

Here’s a wish: that she and her date both spend the evening proud that she’s the most beautiful creature alive!

 

Your Friend,

Shirelle

 

 

4 Do mothers love their children when they do wrong things.

Ashram asks: Do mothers love their children even if they do wrong things?

Oh Ashram, I can only imagine the responses mothers must be screaming when they read your question! But the answer is pretty simple, really.

There are different kinds of love we feel. You can love some things about someone and hate or fear other things about them at the same time. You can get so mad at someone that you don’t even like them at all, but still love Continue reading

1 What to do when you’re feeling suicidal.

Krishna asks: I have issues with my family and friends. I have been thinking about suicide. It’s been a while; the feeling gets stronger every passing day. What to do? I depend on people emotionally, but now its like all went away from me. I can’t find any answers to my questions and feelings, and I have no interest in life. Can you help?

Hi Krishna –

Krishna, I am so glad you chose to write me. I am honored. There’s a lot I could say here, but what you’re saying is so important and frightening, I want to cut straight to one simple issue: Safety.

First: I know you feel very alone. But I can promise you, with absolutely no question: you are not. Almost every person in the world has felt the way you Continue reading

2 How shy people can approach their crushes

Harshita asks: I am really a nervous girl. I am feeling shy to ask even this question! If I love a guy, how will he know whether I love him or we are just friends?

Hi Harshita –

Well, first, I’d direct your attention to Sweetparker’s question about her confusion over two guys (it’s listed in Previous Questions, under Growing Up, Life Skills, Relationships, and School). I talk with her about ways to try to find out what a boy thinks of you.

But I want to throw a couple of other thoughts at you as well. First, know that there’s nothing wrong with being nervous and shy. Most boys think it’s really Continue reading

How to teach young children manners.

Jass asks: How can we teach 4-5 year-olds about manners?

Learning Manners is something I know a lot about, Jass. Like most puppies, I was very excitable and misbehaved a lot. So I’ve experienced Handsome teaching me right and wrong ways. Here’s what I can tell you:

1) The most important thing by far is what you do. I see grownups all the time who eat every meal in front of a TV, they use bad words all the time, and they ignore what others want. Then they’re shocked when their kids Continue reading

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