What to do when there’s no one to help you through something
Vidhi asks: I feel alone and am confused about what to do. I feel alone even when I’m around family. I just completed school but didn’t earn any friends. I am sitting idly most of the time. Last year I dealt with the death of my childhood friend so I’m finding it hard to cope. And my parents want some different path for me for courses but I have no interest in that, due to which I’m having daily arguments with them. Along with all these, one of my sister’s married friends tried to assault me. He had kids and stuff and it made me more disturbed, and the fact that all of these things happened and I had no one to turn to or talk to it makes me feel isolated and lonely. I wanted to see a therapist, but I don’t have enough money, and I can’t ask my parents because they clearly won’t agree.
Oh Vidhi –
Everybody feels alone at times but you have three special issues that really make this tough. Of course, losing a childhood friend is devastating (and I’m assuming your friend was very young too which makes it even more of a heartbreak). Then this assault is of course wrong on every count, and not being able to talk about it makes it even worse. And then the fact that you know you’d like a therapist but your parents won’t agree just cements things.
So let me say it a different way. OF COURSE you feel alone. Anyone would after the death of a friend, but in addition you are being kept from expressing the things you need to say, so how could any healthy relationship possibly come along?
Now I can’t do anything about your parents, and of course I can’t bring your lost friend back. But I do wonder about the other one. Is there really no one you can tell about that? I don’t know how old you are, but if you’re still in school, is there a teacher or administrator there you trust, who you could talk with about this (and not mention the name or any identifying information about the man so you don’t have to deal with the school person calling the cops on him or something — unless you want to!).
My friend you’ve suffered two horrible traumas. No one would be unaffected by them, or be able to easily move forward after them. So I really want you to find someone you can talk with about these awful experiences. And if that can’t be a therapist, I’d sure like it to be someone else.
In the meantime, you can always write me about any of this. As a dog in, most likely, a different country from you, I’m completely safe, and I promise I won’t betray your trust in any way. So please feel free to tell me anything you like about either or both of those experiences.
But I also urge you, if there’s a way, to also find a good intelligent boundaried adult. Someone who won’t betray you in the way your sister’s friend’s husband did.
And know I’m sending you caring, protective light, for you to carry around wherever you go.
All my best,