Krishna asks: I have issues with my family and friends. I have been thinking about suicide. It’s been a while; the feeling gets stronger every passing day. What to do? I depend on people emotionally, but now its like all went away from me. I can’t find any answers to my questions and feelings, and I have no interest in life. Can you help?
Hi Krishna –
Krishna, I am so glad you chose to write me. I am honored. There’s a lot I could say here, but what you’re saying is so important and frightening, I want to cut straight to one simple issue: Safety.
First: I know you feel very alone. But I can promise you, with absolutely no question: you are not. Almost every person in the world has felt the way you do. I have, Handsome has, every great writer and artist and actor has. In fact, it’s because they’ve been right where you have that they’re able to do work that people relate to. Because everyone else has felt just this.
Second: People DO care! I don’t know who you are or where you live, but I promise you, there are people in your life who care a lot about you. Maybe they haven’t shown it lately, maybe they’ve been too busy or too concerned about other things to show it. But they care. I can’t tell you how many times Handsome’s left me at home for a long time, and I truly felt he didn’t care at all. But when he would then come back, he was always so happy to see me, that I’d realize he really cared a lot. (Then he’d leave again, I’d feel the same way, and… well, I told you I’d been in your shoes!).
Third: I can’t tell from your letter just how serious you are about possibly hurting yourself. So I just have to say this, in case: I can’t do anything to help you from here. You have to reach out to someone. If you’re not in great danger today, I suggest finding a therapist, someone professionally trained to talk about just these feelings. If you have a religion, a leader in your place of worship can almost certainly help you. If I could, I’d help you find such a person, but I can’t: I’m only a dog! And most important, if you’re really feeling like you might do some harm to yourself, please call the police or a hospital immediately, or at least a very trusted friend who can make that call for you: You Are Worth Everything – remember that!
Fourth, and really the best thing I can give you, is a quote from an old movie. An old man whose career as a clown is flopping finds a beautiful young ballerina who’s just tried to end her life. When he wakes her, she complains that she doesn’t want to live because her life has no meaning: “The utter futility of everything! I see it even in flowers, hear it in music. All life aimless, without meaning.”
And he responds: “What do you want a meaning for? Life is a desire, not a meaning. Desire is the theme of all life! It’s what makes a rose want to be a rose, and want to grow like that. And a rock want to contain itself, and remain like that.”
You see, Krishna, he’s right. What you’re suffering from right now is that you’re not able to enjoy feeling desire. But that joy will come back, I promise. Maybe you need to talk to someone, or perhaps even get some special medicine, to help you find it again, but it will return. And when it does, I promise you, life will become a glorious adventure again, full of excitement and unending possibilities.
Please stay in touch with me. And if it would help to talk with me about some of the things that have upset you, I’d be happy to do that. But you need someone in person to talk to as well, definitely.