Category Archives for "Featured Questions"

0 How to have both a wife and a girlfriend

Luckyman asks: I got married 9 years ago and we have two children. I have a girlfriend, and she is almost my soulmate. I want badly to live with her. Also I don’t want to lose my wife. I want her for my whole lifetime. I don’t understand why destiny allowed some people to meet, when there’s no way for them to be together I want both of them, but my wife doesn’t accept my girlfriend, and won’t even accept her in our home. I’m struggling like anything. I can’t control my emotions. Please advise me how to make both of them happy and live together.

Hi Luckyman –

I like your choice of a name.  Because you’re right – you are a lucky man. So many men in the world go to sleep alone every night, with no woman wanting them.  And you’ve got two.  Two who sound wonderful.  And what’s great about you is that you realize  they’re both wonderful.

But of course, that also means you’re frustrated, deeply frustrated.  Because you love both, and neither one accepts the idea of you having both.

So what you’re dealing with is the difference between your imagination, which envisions a glorious world where both women are happy to share you, and reality, where neither one is cool with it.

I relate!  I love it when Handsome is totally happy with me and thinks I’m the best thing ever, and I also love jumping onto the table and stealing dinner.  But I can’t have both, I can only have one or the other.  And I have to struggle with that choice.

And you have to struggle with yours.

But again, you have a choice that most guys never get to make!  Whichever choice you make, you’ll have a wonderful woman you love.  (As well as having to hurt the other one badly – I realize)

So my advice to you is to give up on the idea of having both, and instead dive into the very difficult work of choosing between them.  Of weighing the strengths and weaknesses of both, and listening very deeply to your heart, and asking it what it wants.

I wish you could have both.  I also wish I could gobble up a delicious steak every night while Handsome scratches my ears and tells me I’m wonderful.  But I can’t, and neither can you.

So steak or scratching?  Either one’s wonderful – and either one will mean some pain in your heart.

I wish you the best of luck – and the best of decisions!

Shirelle

0 How to deal with gossip about you, even if it’s true

thelittleangel asks: There’s this guy who I’m attracted to, but I don’t know much about him. I’ve been wanting to get to know him, but also, there’s this girl who likes him and thinks I like him and she’s been telling people I like him and she’s been saying bad stuff about me behind my back. My friends think she only is saying this because she thinks I have a thing with him and she’s jealous. In addition, can I have some tips on how to deal with people gossiping about you and your business?

Hi thelittleangel –

Here’s the funny part about being a young human.   You guys are so worried about people talking about you, you don’t realize that it’s actually great!  She’s telling people you like him.  Okay, hopefully he’ll hear about it and think “Hmmm… I hadn’t really noticed her before, but I kind of like being liked by her!”

But now, you also say she’s talking trash about you.  That truly is a problem.

But you have an advantage – you know  that she’s doing it.  So the best thing to do with that is to confront her, ideally right in front of the friends she’s telling it to.  “Hey, I hear you’ve been telling people I have fleas.  Well, here are a bunch of my friends, and they’ve never seen me scratch, even once.  So why are you saying all these lies?”

Can you imagine  how powerful that is?  My guess is that she’ll immediately stop.  After all, the reason to spread that sort of gossip is to gain power, and you’ll have just taken that power right away from her!

And if a bunch of people are gossiping about you?  I’d do the same thing on a bigger level. I know this sounds terrifying, but imagine what would happen if you stood up in the school lunchroom, or at an assembly, and said “People here have been spreading lies about me.  And I wonder if you have the courage to admit it.  Like, who was the one who started telling people I have fleas?!  You don’t have the guts to admit it, do you?  Because you know it’s a lie.  So I’ll leave it to you all to figure out who it was who started it, but just know, they’re not only a liar, they’re a wussy coward too.”

And then sit down, and never bring it up again.  You’ll be amazed how that gossip just disappears.

So I guess what I’m suggesting, in both cases, is for you to find some courage.  The courage to start a conversation with that boy, and the courage to face this girl with the truth.

If you can do these things, you’ll suddenly feel a lot bigger and stronger, which will be amazing.

But don’t worry, you’ll always be thelittleangel to me!

Best of Luck!

Shirelle

0 What to do when your boyfriend or girlfriend is angry at you for not answering a call or text

Deadshot asks: I didn’t pick up my girl’s call. She doesn’t wonna talk to me now. What do I do?

Hi Deadshot –

I realize it might be too late for my answer.  But if it’s not, my answer is…

Give her a little time.

She wants space?  Give it to her.

And one of two things will happen.

First, she might feel “Deadshot has suffered enough, and will answer my call next time, so all’s okay,” and be great with you again.

Or, second, she might keep arguing that you’ve done something horrible.

Now let’s look at this a second.  You didn’t answer your phone when she called?  Why is that such a big deal?  Maybe you were talking to someone, and it would have been rude for you to interrupt them to take the call.  Maybe you were asleep.  Maybe you were busy!

It’s great that she wants your attention, but you’re still a human being.  Hey, even I don’t always come when Handsome calls me, and I’m a dog!  You’ve got the same right everyone else has, to not be at her “beck and call” 24/7.

So if she’s annoyed and feels unappreciated for a few hours, or days, okay.  But if she takes it further, I’d suggest you find another girl, who appreciates you as you are.

And when this last one calls – maybe, just don’t take the call again, ever!

Just my opinion!

Shirelle

0 Should you stay with your boyfriend or girlfriend, or risk another

AmethystJane asks: I am 16 and am dating this guy – let’s call him Mr. A. It’s been almost 2 years and it’s great. But there’s this other guy, Mr. B, who I was in love with for 4 years before dating Mr. A, and Mr. B had feelings for me too All three of us happen to be in the same school and even in the same class. My feelings for B resurfaced sometime back and he was showing interest too. He flirts sometimes and I am afraid I was too soon to move on to A? B had never asked me out or confessed his feelings because he was scared what everyone would say. He confessed his feelings only after I was dating A. I love A but I am having second thoughts. The school year is going to end and there’s a chance that B might ask me out (but I’ll have to be available for that..) Should I risk it?

Hi AmethystJane –

I’m going to give you an answer to your question that might annoy you, so I’ll apologize in advance.

When humans are in their mid-teens, you’re probably the most passionate you’ll ever be.  You guys, when it comes to dating, are like us when it comes to chasing cats!  And like us, when you’re that age, you have no sense of time, in the sense of “there’s always tomorrow.”

And there is.

So when you say that you’re sixteen, and dating a great guy, and wondering if there’s someone else you might like even more, all I want to say is “WOW THAT’S GREAT!  YOU ARE SUCH A LUCKY GIRL!”

I know it doesn’t feel that way right now, that it feels like you have all this stress and worry.  But step back for a second and try this out…

You’re dating a great guy.  But we all know, high-school romances don’t usually last forever.  So it might break up sometime.  Maybe because of a misunderstanding, maybe because one of you just grows in a different direction.

But if this relationship ends, you have someone you’ve wanted, and who’s wanted you, waiting right there, an awesome safety net!

Now, okay, I can imagine you responding, “But what if B gets involved with someone else before A and I break up?  And so I miss my chance with him yet again?!”

Well, that is always a possibility.  But even then, if he’s been interested in you all this time, there’s a really good chance he’ll suddenly find lots of things about his new girlfriend that he doesn’t like all that much – and find you suddenly perfect and available!

But really, my true answer is all about your final question: “Should I risk Continue reading

0 How to change your mentality to be happier

Sravani asks: I want to be alive with happiness, but I can’t because of my mentality. Sometimes it feels like I wanna to die but I can’t.

Hi Sravani –

You’re right.  The only way to be alive with happiness will be to change your mentality.  And there are lots of different suggestions out there on how to do it – and I’m sure most of them are right for different people.  But you wrote me, so I’ll tell you how we dogs do it!

First, look for what’s interesting around you.  There’s always something.  A smell, a sight.

Now, look for what’s beautiful around you.  And if there’s nothing that you see, can you change something to make it beautiful?  Put a picture up, or get a flower?

Now, listen for what’s beautiful or exciting.  And if you can’t pick up anything, put on some music you love.

Now, smell, or better, eat something you really adore.  Super yummy.

And then, sit back and think about all this.  You just experienced so many pleasures.  Things only you enjoy as much as you do.  And try to feel grateful for them. Regardless of what you believe or don’t believe in – just feel some gratitude for having seen a bird, and heard that Cardi B song, and tasted a pomegranate!

Now, do that as often as you possibly can.

And what you’ll begin to experience, as your mind (literally, the workings of your brain) changes, is the realization that there’s always beauty and excitement around.  Even when things really stink.

And the more you pursue these, and the more you share them with others, the happier your days will be.

Now sure, there’s a lot more to do – there’s growth and dealing with old pains and there’s learning and there’s passion.  But right now, I just want some simple basic joys.

I think you’ll find it works.  It does for my whole species!

All my best,

Shirelle

0 How to keep a long-distance romance from breaking up

idk asks: I have been in a relationship with a girl for almost 2 years now, but for the last 2 months she has been acting weird. She blocked me on Instagram and other places, completely disconnected herself from me without any reason. She used to say that our relationship will never work out because of this and that, she says she knows that we won’t be together in the future. How do I convince her that I will be there for her whatever the situation is? I’ve tried telling her but she is a bit stubborn. Yesterday she unblocked me and we spoke, but she told me this isn’t going too far this time. I know that she wants me too. Another reason is that I had to move to my home country a few months back (for some personal reasons) away from her. How do I convince her that I will be there for her? How do I make her believe that we will be together? It hurts, you know!

Hi idk –

Through the first part of your letter, I was thinking “It sounds like she’s not interested, and I don’t know why idk would be interested in her either!”  But then you got to the move.  And suddenly it made a lot more sense.

You see, you’re saying “I’ll always be there for you,” but, I imagine, to her mind, you’re not there right now.  And she has no idea when you will be.

Long-distance relationships are hard.  And of course, only humans have them – it doesn’t matter how much I love a dog; if we’re separated by a long distance, we have no way to communicate, so there is no relationship going on at all!  But even you humans can only communicate with more artificial means (writing, phoning, even video-phoning – it’s just not the same as being there!).

So I’d suggest two things – at the same time.  One is for you to Continue reading

0 How to choose between two abusive boyfriends

Jingle_jangle asks: I’m a 17 year-old girl. Once I was very confident and self-dependent, but last year I was cheated on by my boyfriend and ended my 3 year relationship. It affected me so much it broke my heart. After that I met a boy and now we have been together a year. He loves me so much but I can’t forget my past and my ex. My relationship with my boyfriend is not in a great state. I try to make things right but I can’t. First I thought he was a great guy but I don’t think now . He abuses me, humiliates me about my past, and he doesn’t understand me. After so many fights and humiliations, the feelings are deteriorating . I don’t want to end my relationship with him but i also want to get my self-respect back .I don’t have friends so I don’t have anyone to talk to and get advice. Please help me!

Hi Jingle_jangle –

I often get questions where someone is trying to choose between two romances – one who’s kind and supportive, and one who’s not as nice, but more exciting.  That’s a tough decision!

But you’re in a different situation.  You’ve got two guys, both who have been jerkish to you in some ways.  The first one cheated on you, and the current one’s abusive and humiliating.

I want you to form a new romance.  I want you to fall in love with someone way better…  I want you to fall in love with Continue reading

0 What to do when your boyfriend or girlfriend stops talking to you

Kosi asks: I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 3 years now. For the past few weeks, we’ve just not been ok. He doesn’t text me unless I text him. And when I want to talk about it he makes it look like I’m nagging. We’ve not spoken for almost 5 days now. I see him posting and all. I’ve been extremely sad today. Just crying and trying to understand whatever is going on. Do you think I should try to ask him? Because honestly, I feel so uncomfortable, it’s killing me! My heart aches!

Hi Kosi –

This is really tough!  My simple answer, of course, is to ask him WHAT IN THE WORLD IS GOING ON?!!  But he doesn’t seem to be answering you when you try to connect.

So I hate this answer, but I think you have to protect yourself first.  So my suggestion is to text him, call him, or best-of-all walk right up to him and face to face… say “I don’t know what’s going on, and why you’re avoiding talking with me, but if you won’t tell me, I’m going to have to stop trying with you at all.  Can you tell me, right now, what’s up?” And if he doesn’t, then walk away.  Stop texting him, stop calling him, and if you can bear it, stop looking at his social media.

If you two had been going out for a month or two, I’d be suggesting this with no hesitation.  But after three years?  I know what I’m saying sounds horrible!  (After all, I’m a dog, so for us that’s TWENTY-ONE years!)

He may have a legitimate reason why he’s withdrawing – maybe he’s gotten some terrible news in his life and doesn’t know how to communicate about it yet.  But whether he intends to or not, he’s hurting you horribly right now.  So he’s got to speak up.

And if he doesn’t, as painful as it will be, my advice to you is to cut him out of your life, grieve the loss, and move on.  (And then, possibly, see what happens when he comes back to you with his tail between his legs.  That’s fine too!)

All my best wishes for getting through this,

Shirelle

0 Should you return to a toxic relationship when you still love them?

Confused girl asks: I recently broke up with my boyfriend of about 2 years and not because I don’t love him anymore but because the issues in the relationship became too much to handle (we fought a lot and the bad times were becoming more than the good). Anyways recently my ex has been all up for getting back together but I don’t think I want to because I am scared nothing will change and the relationship will go back to being too much to handle. And I recently realized I like someone else (cliche I know) but I’m very sure am not in love with this person and I still love my ex way more, but I can’t seem to cut off this new person and go back to my relationship. I honestly don’t know what to do. My ex is someone I’m really comfortable with and this new person is like an adventure. I don’t know if I should pick familiar grounds over something that I’m not even sure will lead somewhere. I’m just 20 and I feel I’m too young to have this kind of problem (Lol). I’ve told my ex I need some me time and that he should move on from me but he doesn’t seem to want to and he’s still all up for the relationship but I honestly don’t know if I want to go back. For one, the new guy is still a factor. Two, the relationship was kind of toxic before and honestly scared if I go back, things will be the same. Three, I honestly want some me time (away from relationship drama). Do you think am being selfish and turning my back on a 2-year relationship for reasons that aren’t good enough? Do you think I should just forget all the factors hindering me and get back with my ex?

Hi Confused girl –

I understand your question, but I don’t know if I can give any definite advice without knowing more.  Though that might be okay.  Let me explain my problem.

There are situations where I can absolutely say “Don’t consider going back!”  Say if he beat you up.  And there are situations where I would say “Oh definitely go back,” like if you had a misunderstanding and he explained it all.

But this doesn’t sound as extreme as one of those.  You just say the relationship was “toxic.”  And that you still love him.  Which makes me wonder – sometimes people actually “fall in love” with the toxicity.  It’s exciting, or gets you obsessed.  And you hate it, but get kind of addicted to it.  Like a dog I knew who scratched so much at the itches caused by fleas that he destroyed his own immune system and passed away!

So it sounds to me like you need to do two things.  First, just Continue reading

0 What to do when your boyfriend or girlfriend makes you stay at parties you don’t like

Bubbles_101 asks: I walked out of my boyfriend’s Christmas party leaving him and our son, since I got totally angry at him. But before that incident told me that we would only be dropping by his friend’s Christmas party to say hi and drop a gift for a exchange gift event. I did say yes but I wasn’t expecting that we would be staying there for too long. Can you imagine being in a party where you only knew their faces but not their names, since you guys are not that close?! You look like a total idiot sitting in a corner while he is having fun. But to be honest I really don’t like his friends (group of friends that were created through groups, more like a gang). Since before I met him he was in a group where each member has a car of their own. They have issues when it comes to pride. It’s like they should be the main heroes of the stories. I did try to calm down but he keeps on telling me to take a bath when I have a lot of house hold chores to do. He knows that right from the start I already told him that I don’t really like his friends but he seems not to care. I even look like a babysitter on that time. So I told him that I would be going home and left. He was totally angry when he got home, like 3 mins after I got home. He told me not to behave like that. He also told me that if I wanted to leave we could have just left. How was I supposed to tell him that when he was having fun and a bit drunk? I don’t think he would like to leave just like that. Yes, I embarrassed him in front of his friends by walking out of the party, but I don’t care since, like I said, I don’t like them and I have no plans of getting to know them. I feel like he prioritizes his friends over me. I feel totally neglected.

Hi Bubbles_101 –

I’m going to say I think both of you are a bit at fault here, and that I think the solution is pretty easy, if you’re up to it.

When I was a puppy, my veterinarian wouldn’t allow Handsome to let me play with other dogs, because I was too susceptible to diseases.  Finally I reached the age where it was okay, and he took me to a dog park to celebrate.  I was SOOO excited!  Maybe a hundred dogs, all kinds of smells, it was heaven!

Oh, except, it wasn’t.

Not one dog there would play with me.  I was the friendliest pup in the world, running up to all of them, and they’d either walk away ignoring me or turn and snap, scaring me.  I felt so lonely and rejected.  Handsome tried to make me feel better by playing with me, but of course, I was used to him – I’d been living with him for months.  It was those pooches I wanted to want me.

But then, as he kept taking me back there, things changed.  I got better at knowing how to approach other dogs, and which dogs to approach.  And eventually I made some great friends I played just as roughly as I wanted with!  That miserable park became my favorite place in the world.

Now you’re not exactly in the same place I was.  I was all set to befriend those dogs, while you’re not so crazy about your boyfriend’s friends.  But feeling left out and rejected and lonely at a party – that part sounds just the same.

So if you’re ever in that situation again, I recommend Continue reading