How to have both a wife and a girlfriend

Luckyman asks: I got married 9 years ago and we have two children. I have a girlfriend, and she is almost my soulmate. I want badly to live with her. Also I don’t want to lose my wife. I want her for my whole lifetime. I don’t understand why destiny allowed some people to meet, when there’s no way for them to be together I want both of them, but my wife doesn’t accept my girlfriend, and won’t even accept her in our home. I’m struggling like anything. I can’t control my emotions. Please advise me how to make both of them happy and live together.

Hi Luckyman –

I like your choice of a name.  Because you’re right – you are a lucky man. So many men in the world go to sleep alone every night, with no woman wanting them.  And you’ve got two.  Two who sound wonderful.  And what’s great about you is that you realize  they’re both wonderful.

But of course, that also means you’re frustrated, deeply frustrated.  Because you love both, and neither one accepts the idea of you having both.

So what you’re dealing with is the difference between your imagination, which envisions a glorious world where both women are happy to share you, and reality, where neither one is cool with it.

I relate!  I love it when Handsome is totally happy with me and thinks I’m the best thing ever, and I also love jumping onto the table and stealing dinner.  But I can’t have both, I can only have one or the other.  And I have to struggle with that choice.

And you have to struggle with yours.

But again, you have a choice that most guys never get to make!  Whichever choice you make, you’ll have a wonderful woman you love.  (As well as having to hurt the other one badly – I realize)

So my advice to you is to give up on the idea of having both, and instead dive into the very difficult work of choosing between them.  Of weighing the strengths and weaknesses of both, and listening very deeply to your heart, and asking it what it wants.

I wish you could have both.  I also wish I could gobble up a delicious steak every night while Handsome scratches my ears and tells me I’m wonderful.  But I can’t, and neither can you.


So steak or scratching?  Either one’s wonderful – and either one will mean some pain in your heart.

I wish you the best of luck – and the best of decisions!


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