AmethystJane asks: I am 16 and am dating this guy – let’s call him Mr. A. It’s been almost 2 years and it’s great. But there’s this other guy, Mr. B, who I was in love with for 4 years before dating Mr. A, and Mr. B had feelings for me too All three of us happen to be in the same school and even in the same class. My feelings for B resurfaced sometime back and he was showing interest too. He flirts sometimes and I am afraid I was too soon to move on to A? B had never asked me out or confessed his feelings because he was scared what everyone would say. He confessed his feelings only after I was dating A. I love A but I am having second thoughts. The school year is going to end and there’s a chance that B might ask me out (but I’ll have to be available for that..) Should I risk it?
Hi AmethystJane –
I’m going to give you an answer to your question that might annoy you, so I’ll apologize in advance.
When humans are in their mid-teens, you’re probably the most passionate you’ll ever be. You guys, when it comes to dating, are like us when it comes to chasing cats! And like us, when you’re that age, you have no sense of time, in the sense of “there’s always tomorrow.”
And there is.
So when you say that you’re sixteen, and dating a great guy, and wondering if there’s someone else you might like even more, all I want to say is “WOW THAT’S GREAT! YOU ARE SUCH A LUCKY GIRL!”
I know it doesn’t feel that way right now, that it feels like you have all this stress and worry. But step back for a second and try this out…
You’re dating a great guy. But we all know, high-school romances don’t usually last forever. So it might break up sometime. Maybe because of a misunderstanding, maybe because one of you just grows in a different direction.
But if this relationship ends, you have someone you’ve wanted, and who’s wanted you, waiting right there, an awesome safety net!
Now, okay, I can imagine you responding, “But what if B gets involved with someone else before A and I break up? And so I miss my chance with him yet again?!”
Well, that is always a possibility. But even then, if he’s been interested in you all this time, there’s a really good chance he’ll suddenly find lots of things about his new girlfriend that he doesn’t like all that much – and find you suddenly perfect and available!
But really, my true answer is all about your final question: “Should I risk it?” Risk what?
If you look at your current relationship and see a lot that you’d risk, then probably it’s not a great idea. But if you look at it and say, “Meh, I wouldn’t be risking much,” then sure, you’re young, so this is a great time to try dating other guys.
But whatever you choose, just know – there’s always tomorrow. Neither choice will make or ruin your life. (Though of course there are choices you could make within a relationship that could change everything about you! My hope is that you avoid those, and keep your freedom as long as you can!)