What to do when your boyfriend or girlfriend stops talking to you

Kosi asks: I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 3 years now. For the past few weeks, we’ve just not been ok. He doesn’t text me unless I text him. And when I want to talk about it he makes it look like I’m nagging. We’ve not spoken for almost 5 days now. I see him posting and all. I’ve been extremely sad today. Just crying and trying to understand whatever is going on. Do you think I should try to ask him? Because honestly, I feel so uncomfortable, it’s killing me! My heart aches!

Hi Kosi –


This is really tough!  My simple answer, of course, is to ask him WHAT IN THE WORLD IS GOING ON?!!  But he doesn’t seem to be answering you when you try to connect.


So I hate this answer, but I think you have to protect yourself first.  So my suggestion is to text him, call him, or best-of-all walk right up to him and face to face… say “I don’t know what’s going on, and why you’re avoiding talking with me, but if you won’t tell me, I’m going to have to stop trying with you at all.  Can you tell me, right now, what’s up?” And if he doesn’t, then walk away.  Stop texting him, stop calling him, and if you can bear it, stop looking at his social media.


If you two had been going out for a month or two, I’d be suggesting this with no hesitation.  But after three years?  I know what I’m saying sounds horrible!  (After all, I’m a dog, so for us that’s TWENTY-ONE years!)


He may have a legitimate reason why he’s withdrawing – maybe he’s gotten some terrible news in his life and doesn’t know how to communicate about it yet.  But whether he intends to or not, he’s hurting you horribly right now.  So he’s got to speak up.


And if he doesn’t, as painful as it will be, my advice to you is to cut him out of your life, grieve the loss, and move on.  (And then, possibly, see what happens when he comes back to you with his tail between his legs.  That’s fine too!)


All my best wishes for getting through this,


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