Category Archives for "Relationships"

0 How to deal with attraction to someone else when you’re in a relationship

Athny asks: I feel attracted to my next-door locker neighbor. There are two problems with this: I already have a girlfriend, and my locker neighbor is a guy, like me. He and I also have the same interests. What do I do?

Hi Athny –

You are absolutely right that you have two issues here, and they really are totally separate.  So I’ll take them on separately, as well.

First, the girlfriend:  It’s of course very normal to be involved with someone and find yourself attracted to someone else.  This can happen in a very happy and committed marriage, as well as in a dating relationship like yours.  The question comes to how you feel about this attraction.  If being attracted to someone meant your relationship had to end, George Clooney and Scarlett Johansson would be responsible for hundreds of Continue reading

0 How to fix a friendship that ended because one asked the other out

ebrooke asks: I asked a boy who was my best friend out and he said no. Now I’m really embarrassed and I don’t know what to do. I also feel like I’m losing him as a friend, because we haven’t spoken to each other much since I asked him out. That was about 6 weeks ago. I’m really hoping you can help because it hasn’t been working out for me with those other advice websites.

Hi ebrooke –

Of course I don’t know the actual details, but I’m going to make a guess about your situation.  This boy was your best friend.  He probably felt pressured when you asked him out.  He knew that he was facing losing his best friend when you did that.  He also probably thinks he really hurt your feelings by saying no.

And I’m guessing that, because of that, he’s trying to give you space now.  To not hurt you more.

What it sounds like he’s missing is that your feelings are far more hurt by his giving you that space than by the actual Continue reading

0 How to deal with drama between friends

Tessa asks: Two of my friends ( a and b ) wanted to do a social studies project with my other friend ( c ). They agreed to flip a coin, because it seemed fair enough, and my friend ( a ) lost. She got very upset and left the chat (we were video chatting), and started messaging me saying she hates her life, cursing about it, and saying she’s happy that she’ll soon be moving away. Now she’s happy again. But my friend ( b) was sorry, because I wanted to do the project with her, so she said we could maybe do it as a triplet ( me b and c). So I told my friend ( c) the next day, and she said we had to tell my friend ( a ) that we were thinking about it, and we had to ask her if it would be okay. I told my other friend about it and she said ok. We were all scared because my friend ( a ) is very sensitive. When we told her she started crying hysterically. We didn’t say it was definite, but she tried to twist our words to make it look that way. Now my friend (c) wants to stay with her, and me and my friend ( b) are feeling left out! My friend (b) is crying, my other friends don’t care, and I’m in the middle. All of the sudden she is happy and our friend again, but she said she wouldn’t talk to us for a week. I don’t know, because she is spoiled, and if she doesn’t get what she wants she gets upset and waits for whoever upset her to forgive her even though she did something. I don’t think she is a good friend – really torturing her own friend and not caring. Should I forgive her or talk to her? I don’t know if it will make it worse.

Hi tessa –

Okay, I just have to say, this is just about the most complicated situation I’ve ever heard in my life.  I’ve had to read your question over a few times, and even though you tried really hard to make everything clear, I’m still confused at a few points.

But I’m very sure about one thing:  Your friends like DRAMA!  Lots and lots and lots of Drama!

My goodness, we’re talking about a Social Studies project here, not the senior prom!  Sure, everyone wants to feel wanted, but these girls need to develop a sense of perspective.

You are, like me, a good-hearted soul, who wants to please Continue reading

0 How to overcome feeling isolated

dramatherapy asks: How can I overcome feeling isolated?

Hi dramatherapy –

Hey I love your name!  My friend Handsome studied Dramatherapy, and is a huge fan of it.  For those who don’t know, that’s a form of psychotherapy where, instead of just talking about things, the therapist and clients do lots of activities.  Maybe they’ll write poems, or play with puppets or musical instruments, or draw pictures, or even act out roles – all in special ways that help the clients grow through stuff.  If I were a therapist, I’d definitely be a Dramatherapist – if only because I can’t stand sitting still for long!!!

So, given that you chose that Pack name, I’m kind of surprised at your question.  Because, you see, I think your name IS the answer to it!

It’s terrible to actually be isolated.  When I’ve had to stay at the veterinarians’ office overnight, and I’m locked in a little cage all alone, I’m just miserable.  I know Handsome’s coming back to get me… but I don’t totally know it!  You know?  I mean… he does love me, right?  And he isn’t really mad at me about that thing he yelled about yesterday, is he?  The thing I couldn’t figure out?  And he’s going to be okay?  I mean, he’s not hurt or something and so can never get back to get me, is he??!

Now that’s real isolation.  But I’m assuming that you’re not locked in a Continue reading

0 Is it dangerous to date someone too good-looking?

michelle asks: What will you do if a very handsome guy who is every girl`s dream tells you he loves you? Would you accept it because he is every girls dream? Or not?

Hi michelle –

Well, I might be the wrong one to ask.  You see, to my mind, the handsomest guy in the world is the human I live with.  No one in the world makes me happier to see.  That’s why I call him Handsome.

And Handsome tells me he loves me every day.  In a thousand ways.  So what do I do when he tells me that?  Let’s see, I jump on him, I lick his face, I bite his Continue reading

0 Can a girl’s family get into trouble because her boyfriend ran away to her?

dazedandconfused asks: I’m a teenage girl, with a boyfriend. His parents always liked me and mine always liked him. His parents never let him stay over at my house, but the other night he told his mom he was staying at a friend’s, and instead came to my house. Around 10 his parents guessed he wasn’t at his friend’s and started freaking out, and my mom had no clue he wasn’t supposed to be there (she thought he was allowed). So as soon as she figured that out, my mom drove him home. It was around 10:30 when he got there. His parents were really mad. I don’t blame them, but his mom is claiming she’s gonna call the cops about it all. I’m worried to talk to my mom and dad about his mom wanting to involve the cops, but I know I have to. My question for you is, legally, is there really anything the cops can do? My boyfriend willingly lied to his parents and came to my house. It’s not like me or my mom forced him – my mom didn’t even know! Can the police technically get involved with this or would it be seen as a personal “deal with it yourself” thing? If they can, how serious do you think the punishment could be for me, him and/or my parents? And do you think his mom is pushing it too far?

Hi dazedandconfused –

Of course I’m just a dog, and don’t know all the laws where I live, much less for everywhere in the world (and of course I don’t know where you live!).  But I can generally say… No.  Certainly you and your parents have done nothing wrong at all.  And the fact that your mom drove him home the second she found out what was going on proves that she was completely innocent.  And even your boyfriend… the cops probably will tell him to obey his parents, but they don’t stick teens in jail for disobedience to their moms (with all the economic problems the world’s governments are suffering right now, they’d all go completely bankrupt if they had to do that!!!).

But this isn’t necessarily good news for your boyfriend!  You see, police are restrained by laws; if he was arrested, they’d have to treat him with a certain amount of respect, since he’s a nonviolent citizen.  Whereas his Continue reading

0 When to give up on a relationship

MahalnaPrinsesa25 asks: How will you know if you need to give up on a guy?

Hi MahalnaPrinsesa25 –

Giving up on someone is a very difficult and sad thing.  If you’re together, then it means breaking up, which always results in at least one of you getting hurt.  And if you mean just giving up on hopes of getting someone, then that’s the death of a dream – and usually a very beautiful dream.  So it’s not something one wants to do, unless you’re really sure it’s the only way.

So how will you know it’s time?  Well, usually just because you Continue reading

0 What to do if your boyfriend is ignoring you

Pallas asks: A girl and a guy were harbouring a crush for each other. Then the two started dating. However, once they started dating, the guy started ignoring the girl. The girl was worried that he might not be in love with her anymore so she asked him through a text “Do you still love me?” The guy replied, “Of course I do” The girl was happy but each time they see each other, the guy would always ignore her. He would run off somewhere and start flirting with other girls. The girl was upset and went up to me crying over how sad she was. She took out her phone and asked the same question. He replied with the same answer, but this time she didn’t believe him. So she wanted me to ask him instead and when I did, he replied with the same answer again! I asked him why he was ignoring the girl but he said he wasn’t. He kept looking for her whenever she wasn’t around. I’m seriously confused, Shirelle. I don’t know how am I supposed to help my friend with her complicated love life. I really need to know what I can do to help these two.

Hi Pallas –

There’s a funny thing about humans.  When they’re really little, of course, they don’t have a strong sense of right and wrong, or especially of fairness.  But by the time they reach around five years old, they become obsessed with fair treatment.  If you go to a playground, the kids from five till around eight will argue about rules, check rules, create new rules, and talk about what’s fair and what’s not all the time.

Then they grow up a bit more, and accept the rules that are out there more (or break them, but know they’re breaking them!).  And then they start to date.

And suddenly, all the self-care they used to have, all the concern about whether or not they were being treated fairly, goes straight out the Continue reading

0 How can men and women relate?

urmii asks: How can I relate with a woman?

Hi urmii –

I’m going to guess two things.  First, that you’re a man.  And second, that when you ask how to relate with a woman, what you mean is how to understand her, to connect with her.  (If you’re asking how to get a girlfriend, or how to get a woman to become your relation, those are very different questions!!)

So what we’re dealing with here is the timeless question of how men and women can understand each other.  Sigmund Freud, who was probably the greatest genius who ever worked on questions like this, famously said, “The great question that has never been answered, and which I have not yet been able to answer, despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is ‘What does a woman want?’”  If he was this stuck, how in the world can normal men and women hope to Continue reading

0 How to get past loving someone who’s getting married

teenwolf2725 asks: My friend is getting married. I’m happy for him, but at the same time, I’m kind of sad. We grew a love for each other and I always talk to him, but now he’s engaged and there’s nothing I can do about it. I love him, but he’s taken. Shirelle, what do I do now?

Hi teenwolf2725 –

Oh how many songs have been written about THIS situation!  You’ve done nothing wrong, he’s done nothing wrong, she’s done nothing wrong – and still it’s sad.

There really isn’t a perfect solution to it, teenwolf, except to know that your feelings will almost certainly cool down over time.  Yes, we hear about exceptions, but almost always, especially if you are a teenager, your life will change in so many ways that it’s pretty guaranteed that you’ll change too.

But for now, how can you speed that up?  Well…

1)    Find someone Continue reading