Category Archives for "Relationships"

0 How to find one’s feminine energy

Lovedino123lady asks: How do you be more ladylike and girly?

Hi Lovedino123lady –

Well, my friend, no one has ever accused me of being ladylike.  If I’m compared to anyone in that famous movie about dogs, I’m way more Tramp than Lady!  But I’ll try to help you out anyway.

The fact that you’re asking me this question probably means that you have a sense of what appears more girly or ladylike:  wearing dresses instead of pants, sashaying around instead of walking with direction, not punching or biting anyone!

But I don’t think that’s what you’re really asking about.  I think what you’re really after is how to increase your Continue reading

0 What to do when you’re surrounded by negative people

aditi asks: I am surrounded by people filled with negative thoughts. It’s really difficult to recognize who’s real and who isn’t. I don’t have any questions about anything for you, Shirelle, but I just need to find someone to listen to me, and talk. How do I find the right person?

Hi aditi –

I certainly understand your plight.  If more people were less negative, I wouldn’t have this website!  The whole purpose of this site is to help defeat the negativity people carry around in their lives.  I’ve spent my whole life seeing people who I think are just wonderful having the worst attitudes toward themselves and others.  It’s really heartbreaking!

So one “person” you can talk with is me, and I’m glad you thought to do so.  But beyond my fine self, I really recommend two other things.

First, as I do so often here, I’ll recommend that you find a Continue reading

0 Why I’m unkind to my spouse

barry asks: I have problems with my husband. I have a bad temper and whenever my husband asks me about something, I just answer him quarreling. And I lie to him a lot. What can I do to control this? I do love him a lot.

Hi barry –

I’m glad you say you love your husband.  And clearly he must love you too, if you’re as difficult as you describe!  So you’re starting from a good place!

My immediate sense is that there’s something you’re very uncomfortable about, and it makes you a little defensive.  After all, if you’re feeling fine about yourself, why would you react to him with anger, or often Continue reading

1 What to do when someone asks you for sex

Alana asks: A boy asked me for sex. What should I do?

Hi Alana –

Well, I’m going to assume, from your question, that you don’t think that having sex with him right now is a good idea.  So my first answer to you is that the best thing for you to do is to say “No.”  Clearly and unequivocally.

However, I don’t want to give the wrong view here.  The boy hasn’t done anything wrong.  He Continue reading

0 How to win someone back you broke up with before

muttman asks: In the beginning of my 5th grade year I was dating this girl. Then I went to the 1st day and saw someone else that I liked. Now at the end of 5th grade, I like the girl from before (the other girl cheated), but people are telling her not to date exes. What should I do?

Hi muttman –

You are dealing with a very interesting problem.  Basically, it sounds like you’re trying to get the girl (the first one) to like and trust you again, even though you left her for someone else.  And her friends are telling her not to go out with you again.  So you have three things against you:  First, anyone’s natural hesitation or distrust; Second, the fact that you’ve done something to prove that distrust right; and Third, all the stuff her friends are saying.  So how do you get past that?

I can only come up with one suggestion.  It might seem a little Continue reading

0 What is peer pressure?

Martha asks: What is peer pressure?

Hi Martha –

Peer Pressure is a very simple thing, but with very complex consequences.  Basically, people do things for one of three reasons.

First, because they want to: a baby cries, crawls, burps, because it feels like it; similarly, if you see a yummy cookie that you forgot was in your house, you might eat it, just because you feel like it.

Second, people do things because they’re directly told to.  A student does their homework because they’re supposed to.  A driver stops at a red light because that’s the law.  Maybe you refrain from eating that cookie, because your Continue reading

1 What are some good songs for a girl who loves a guy who doesn’t notice her?

sazuna45 asks: Do you know any song about a girl who likes a guy but the guy never notices the girl and keeps on changing his girlfriends? Or about a girl who likes a guy and she cries for him and cares about him but he doesn’t know? She loves his smile by the way.

Hi sazuna45 –

As you probably have noticed, I’m a great lover of music.  And so I do have some thoughts on this.  But I know there are hundreds more songs out there I’m not thinking of, and thousands I’ve never heard.  But here are five goodies:

#5: Adele’s Continue reading

0 How can you make a girl happy?

doonn asks: How can I make my girl friend happy?

Hi doonn –

Okay, so here’s the bad news first.  You can’t.

The awful, annoying, heartbreaking truth is that you can’t make anyone happy.  If someone’s going to be miserable or angry or sad or depressed, you probably can’t change that.

However, you can try.  And that’s a great way to spend your life.  You can tell her jokes, you can buy her a nice dinner, you can send her flowers, you can compliment her, you can give her a shoulder-rub, you can kiss her on the earlobe… all of these are good, if they’re what she Continue reading

0 What’s so great about sex?

Prettyndsweet12 asks: What makes sex so fun that everybody wants to do it so much?

Hi prettyndsweet12 –

Well, I guess I should start by correcting you – there are lots of people who don’t want to do it much at all, and most people only want it at certain times, with a certain person or people, and when they’re in a certain mood.  It’s nowhere near like me with barbecued spare ribs, which I want ALL the time!!!

Having said that, though, of course the fact is that, overall, people (and animals) do like doing Continue reading

0 How do you build trust for someone who’s done wrong things in their past?

princess23 asks: I saw that boy I like last week, and our mutual best friend told me that he said I looked really pretty, and she told me that every time he sees me he tells her the same thing. I used to see him like a crush, but now I think I’m really starting to like him. Sometimes I feel like I should tell him I’m starting to have feelings for him, but I’m scared that he’ll say he can’t be with me, cause he just got out of a relationship that was kinda complicated! I feel that I have to get over him and not show interest, but he can say all the right things at the right moment. I know that maybe he isn’t the guy for me (or maybe he is) but he has done things wrong in his past and I’m afraid he’ll do them to me. Is it normal to feel this way? I don’t know what to do, I’m super confused please help me!

Hi princess23 –

You’re right you’re super-confused.  You’re so confused you’ve got ME all confused now!

So if I have this straight, you like this boy and are getting to like him more; you know he’s at least very attracted to you, and willing to tell your friend about it; and the main reason you don’t want to approach him is that his last relationship was “kinda complicated” and he did some wrong things.

Is all that correct?

If so, what you’re really dealing with is two issues.  First, the usual shyness that comes with being attracted to someone.   For those, I have a bunch of posts on the AskShirelle website.  Just use the Search box and type in words like “shy, crush, like, love” and you’ll get a bunch.

But then we get to the “complicated” part.  Now when you say he did some wrong things, do you mean that he’s gotten in trouble at school, maybe got caught Continue reading