muttman asks: In the beginning of my 5th grade year I was dating this girl. Then I went to the 1st day and saw someone else that I liked. Now at the end of 5th grade, I like the girl from before (the other girl cheated), but people are telling her not to date exes. What should I do?
Hi muttman –
You are dealing with a very interesting problem. Basically, it sounds like you’re trying to get the girl (the first one) to like and trust you again, even though you left her for someone else. And her friends are telling her not to go out with you again. So you have three things against you: First, anyone’s natural hesitation or distrust; Second, the fact that you’ve done something to prove that distrust right; and Third, all the stuff her friends are saying. So how do you get past that?
I can only come up with one suggestion. It might seem a little manipulative, but it could be the best solution, for both of you.
Yep, I said “friends.” Meaning just friends. Tell her that you’d like to hang out with her, but just as buddies, that you miss her, but you know that she would never want to be your girlfriend again. Go out with other kids. Maybe go shopping together, or even go to a movie. But don’t try to make it anything more than that.
But here’s the trick – be a great friend! Be wonderful. Make her laugh, be really trustworthy, try to make yourself the person she calls when she needs to talk about something really tough.
And if you do this, muttman, you’re going to accomplish two things. First, you’re going to win her trust so much that she doesn’t worry about the beginning of fifth grade, or what her friends are saying, anymore. And Second, you’re almost certainly going to get her to want you to be her boyfriend. And when SHE brings this idea up, then you can absolutely say yes.
Now you may have read my whole idea, and thought, “That’s crazy, that would take way too long. She’s not worth that much effort to me.” Well, if so, then that’s okay. You really should go after someone else. But if you thought “Hey, that’d be great. I’d love to be her friend, I really miss her!” Then I’d say to go for it.
And who knows, one possibility is that you end up interested in someone else again anyway. But you’ll have rejoined with a friend, in a new and wonderful way. And that could be its own reward.