What to do when someone asks you for sex

Alana asks: A boy asked me for sex. What should I do?

Hi Alana –

Well, I’m going to assume, from your question, that you don’t think that having sex with him right now is a good idea.  So my first answer to you is that the best thing for you to do is to say “No.”  Clearly and unequivocally.

However, I don’t want to give the wrong view here.  The boy hasn’t done anything wrong.  He asked.  That’s exactly what we want to happen!  It’s when boys force things on girls, or even just try to, that the fur goes up along my back and my teeth get bared.  This boy did it right!

So you should be kind, and friendly.  Is he a friend?  Then offer to do other things – maybe go to a movie together, or go hang out at the mall.  Explain to him that you do like him, but you’re not ready to have sex with anyone yet.  If he really likes you, he’ll accept that, and you two can have a great time together.  And if he is absolutely desperate to have sex with someone, he’ll find someone else for that.  And that’s okay too.

And maybe you’re not ready for sex yet, but you are ready for holding hands or a goodnight kiss, and that’s just fantastic.

Speaking as someone who enjoys a good ear-scratch or tummy rub more than just about anything, I know there are TONS of alternatives out there.

But first, yes, you need to honor your own boundaries by stating them to him.  Which is the best thing you can do.

(However, Alana, if he keeps being insistent, I want to refer you to HarrietteS’s question on the AskShirelle website, the one about your date wanting more than you do.  I have some very specific advice there!)



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KayceeSimone - July 17, 2012 Reply

Honestly you need to stay true to you’re morals. Sex is a serious thing and shouldn’t be done for the sake of it. Make sure he knows your limits and what you want. Don’t give yourself something to regret. Hope this helps x

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