Category Archives for "Relationships"

0 How to compete with your friend over someone

ilikechicken asks: My school divides into two sections, and the kids in each only do things with the other ones in their section. My best friend, C, is in one section and I’m in the other. I never see him. But, my other friend (who I had a crush on) is in C’s section. One night when I was spending the night at C’s house, he said she was flirting with him. I got a little sad but kept it inside. What should I do? (I’m in contact with the girl through Instagram FYI)

Hi ilikechicken –

Now I’m having a bit of a problem here.  What you’re saying is clear, but you’ve left out a huge part: How did C feel about the flirting?!  If he was telling you that he’s not interested in the girl, but just wanted to warn you that she’s looking elsewhere than you, then my suggestion is that you get him to help you win her over!  Remember: You’re more interesting, because you’re not in their section of school, than anyone there is!

But if C is interested, then you have another issue – a far more difficult one.  And this question goes back centuries!  What a horrible situation to be in!  But of course, it makes sense – why wouldn’t you and your best friend be drawn to the same sorts?

If this is the case, I can’t give you a definite answer on what to do, but a few ideas strike me.  If one of these sounds good to you, you might want to try it:

1)    Go out to dinner with Continue reading

0 How to deal with a friend getting pregnant

prettyndsweet12 asks: I recently found out my best friend is pregnant. I’m really happy for her, but I wish I could be there with her to support her. She means so much to me: she’s a second mom to me, she taught me a lot and treats me as if I’m her own. I asked her if anything was gonna change between us, and she said she won’t be able to talk to me a lot – which is hard because she lives far away (well it’s not really far, but it seems like it because I hate not being able to see her). She said I’ll never lose her and we’ll still remain close, so my question is how can we remain close friends if I won’t be able to talk to her, and how do I get used to her being pregnant?

Hi prettyndsweet12 –

I have a more long and serious answer to your question, but first I have to say: one thing about pregnancy is that you don’t have to get used to it, because once you get used to one stage, another one is happening, and before too long the pregnancy is completely over!  Then what you’re getting used to is a completely new and original tiny human being!  (Or sometimes more than one!)

What you’re really dealing with, prettyndsweet12, is mourning.  You had a relationship – a really great one – and it’s ending.  It will never be the same again.

Sometimes this happens because someone’s personality changes, sometimes it happens because someone moves away, and sometimes it happens because someone dies.  In your case, it’s none of those.  It’s just that the most wonderful amazing spectacular thing you could ever wish for has happened to your friend.  And while she’s still the lovely and loving person you’ve always known, your relationship to her will be as changed as in any of those other situations.

The important thing for you to realize is that the big word here is Continue reading

0 How to choose which of your friends gets to go out with someone

Audreykimberly146 asks: My two best friends have crushes on the same person. They fight and hit each other. But in front of the teacher, they are as sweet as “Sugar Angel” (a term I use for super-sweet). They are asking me to choose because I am their crush’s best friend. We were in elementary school together, and now I am in Junior High School, and meanwhile they’re still enemies (I’m now at a different school from where they are. They are in our previous school but the junior high grade). Meanwhile, I have so much homework, as well as chores at home, so I can’t spend all this effort on them. What should I do?!

Hi Audreykimberly146 –

What an annoying situation!  It really sounds impossible!  But I do have a few thoughts on it.

First of all, the idea that they’re asking you to choose between them is so unfair.  You’re not even at the same school they’re at.  Why should you have to give up a friend just because they can’t get along?  I’m sure neither of them wants to lose your friendship, so why do they insist you have to pick one over the other?  My advice on this would just be to tell them both that you Continue reading

0 What to do when someone you think is above you likes you

Mandhie asks: So school reopens for another academic term, and there comes this tall, handsome guy whom the girls over here in my school die of when they see him. I go for supper, since my school is a boarding school, and he takes a seat with the cute guys at a certain table. Some minutes later, I walk in the dining hall and he starts looking at me. I personally didn’t realize, until my best friend highlighted me, that he was staring at me – especially because I am not that popular as compared to some. I asked her who she was talking about and she pointed at his direction when he wasn’t looking. You wouldn’t believe it, Shirelle!! He is sooo cute and tall! I asked my best friend again if she was sure he was looking at me, and she said yes. At that moment, I felt like I was in a high school movie when a cute guy comes to school and suddenly spots the non-popular girl when the popular ones are there. I decided to act like I didn’t care, but I was melting inside. Then I caught him taking the quickest glance at me. I felt so different! After supper, the popular girls in school went straight to him and were asking him questions, and this time, I saw it again: he was looking at my direction to see if I were still there! And I could see a satisfied face when he realized I was not gone. Now my friends say we are a perfect match just because we are both tall. But apart from that, a lot of people have been telling me how beautiful I am, though I actually don’t see it myself. Up till now, Shirelle, we have been staring at each other, and I feel so shy and my heart skips a beat when I see him. Then today, I ALMOST bumped into him and it was different altogether… he keeps on looking at me… What is the problem? I’ve never felt such feeling towards a guy before… What does that tell me, please!!

Hi Mandhie –

So let me get this straight – you’re a nice girl, but have never been super-popular at school.  A new boy, very tall and handsome, comes to the school.  You go into the school dining room, and he can’t stop staring at you…?

RUN!!! HE’S A VAMPIRE!!!  HE’S EDWARD AND YOU’RE THE NEXT BELLA!!!  (Just be sure you don’t run to any werewolves for help, okay)?

Okay, little doggie humor there.

The truth is… this is downright dreamy!  I don’t see anything wrong here at all!

The fact is, for all us creatures with larger brains, we get used to being treated a certain way, and it makes it really hard for us to accept things being different, even when they’re a lot better.

For example, I have a friend named Continue reading

0 What to do if you’re asked out by two boys you like

shayna634 asks: My first and second choices asked me out. I sit next to my #2 choice, so if I deny him he will hate me, and I have a big sister who is best friends with his big sister, so probably his whole family will hate me! Who do I pick?

Hi shayna634 –

Hmmmm… I’m wondering – do you actually have to pick between the two?  Could you go out with both, at least once?  Just as friends?

That might make it a bit easier.  If your #1 choice is still your #1 choice after that, you won’t be in any worse shape than you are today, but you’ll have been nice and said yes to the #2 guy at least once; but if your opinion changes on those two dates, you could actually happily get more involved with #2.

Let me know if that’s possible.  But I should add here – do you really think his older sister and their family would hate you if you dated another boy?  If that’s the case, they sound a little scary to me!

Let me know!

Shirelle

0 How to win trust back from someone you cheated on

Kg69 asks: How do I get my ex-boyfriend back? He is the first true love I’ve had in my life, and the only reason we broke up was because he had to focus on his duties at school (he’s at job corps), but I lied to him again (I cheated on him and then lied to him about talking to that person that I cheated on him with), and now he says he doesn’t know if he wants to get back together or not. I’ve apologized but each time I say that I’m not going to do something again, he asks, “How am I supposed to believe you when you’ve lied to me before?”

Hi Kg69 –

You are in a very tough position, because your ex-boyfriend is asking exactly the right question.

I get lots of letters from people in his position, who really want to trust someone who’s hurt them.  So I’m glad you wrote me this, because it’s important to show the other side of it.

The fact, of course, is that no one can ever prove to someone else that they won’t cheat on them in the future.  Or won’t do anything else, for that matter: I can’t prove to my neighbors that I’ll never bite them!  Trust is a hard thing to build, and way too easy to destroy.  So, again… you’re in a very tough position.

The first thing I’d recommend is for you to Continue reading

0 How to decide between the nice boy who wants you and the bad boy who doesn’t

LilChen asks: I have this guy I like at school, but he’s 1 year younger than me (or I should say his grade is 1 year younger than mine because he went back a grade). Everything went well with me and him through our conversations, because my best friend made us talk together. But just as we were about to have a ‘bond,’ he suddenly told me not to talk to him anymore. So I was sad, but then I found out my best friend was mad at him because I might start hanging out with him and not with her. So I just agreed with her, since she’s my best friend and this happened like 2 or 3 years ago, although I still like the guy. I found out later on that he was a playboy and had my closest friends falling for him, but they soon realized he was worth nothing… but I’ve liked him for 5 years. Should I give up? He knows I have a crush on him. I’m 14 years old and I had this problem since 5 years ago?! I don’t know why I can’t let go of him! But there is this one ‘guy’ that can make me forget about him. Lets just say his name is X and my crush since five years ago is named L. So what do you think I should do? I’m confused and lost and I wonder if I should even have these feelings at this particular age!

Hi LilChen –

Your situation sounded really complicated to me at first, but then I thought about it a minute, and realized it wasn’t so complex at all.  What we’re really talking about here is Chicken Bones.

You see, whenever I’m around a Continue reading

0 How to meet the opposite sex when you’re at a single-sex school

Arjai101 asks: I’m moving schools this year. I’m not super excited but hey its got to be what its got to be. There’s just one problem – since I live in a Muslim country, the girls and the boys are separated. I’m not boy-crazy, but the school I last went to was one of the few schools where boys and girls weren’t separated. I was sort of hoping to have my first boyfriend this year but my school situation makes really hard. Do you know any ways I can still have a boyfriend this year? If so please state how – and also give steps too.

Hi Arjai –

You make a really interesting point here.  On one hand, you’re asking me how students in single-sex schools can meet members of the opposite sex, which is a perfectly good and normal question.  But then you add something else to it, that’s really fascinating – which is that this issue wouldn’t mean the same thing to you if you hadn’t spent last year at a coeducational school.

It’s like me with food.  If I smell something that Handsome’s cooking, and it smells really good, I’m definitely interested in it.  But if I get a taste of it, and it tastes as good as it smelled (or better!), I am in love with it!  My tongue is drooling like crazy, and I just can’t control myself!  I would have wanted it anyway, but now that desire means something much more to me, and I feel like I just can’t live without it!

So back to you.  It sounds like you’re at an age where it’s totally normal to want to start dating, and your school isn’t going to do much to help that along.  So how do you meet Continue reading

0 How to deal with a guy who won’t leave you alone

Sakurastars asks: So this guy I met through a friend has been interested in me and I was interested in being in a relationship with him as well. I am new to dating so I guess he wasn’t sure where I stood in liking him or not. So he decided to show me what I was missing by going out with another girl. Me being new to dating, I didn’t mind he was going with this girl. And continued to treat him as a friend. He started to act very strange towards me and even flirt with me in front of this girl he’s supposedly with. One day he got upset about me hanging out with someone else and called me out on it. So, I got upset and asked him why does it matter who I hang out with? He tried to make it my fault and didn’t think he did anything wrong. A day after I asked him what he viewed me as and he told me a friend. After this question he asked me in a expecting way “so…. why did you ask me this?” And I told him he was making me feel uncomfortable. He again he tried to make it my fault and told me it was in my head. I wasn’t going to fall for that. A couple of days after that talk he messages me, “hey pretty lady.” That was the last time I talked to him because I’ve been ignoring him for 4 months now. My question is why is he taking so much effort to talk to me again and why does he keep bothering his friends about me? And how do you get him to simply stop messaging me altogether? I was going to be straight with him and say it’s really sad that you don’t get the hint after 3 months, but I’m not really that mean.

Hi Sakurastars –

Wow, what a story!  At first it sounded pretty sweet, like a lot of romantic comedies where both people are really into each other but neither wants to admit it, and eventually one ends up running away from their wedding or something, and love triumphs over all.

But it sure doesn’t continue that way.

I have to admit, I’m a little confused about the time-frame of your letter.  Did all the events you describe end four months ago, but he’s kept messaging you the whole time?  Or were the four months before he wrote “Hey pretty lady?”  I’m not sure it matters which is right, though.  Because I’m seeing two major issues here.

The first is what’s called a Continue reading

0 How to treat someone you like who gives mixed signals

Mandhie Asks: There’s a boy at school I like and I know he likes me (and lots of other people can see it too), but he still won’t say it to me, and keeps dating other girls. My feelings toward him are sort of fading away – I can’t waste my precious teenage years loving someone who isn’t ready. But I am still hurt or jealous when I see him with a girl. I feel like giving up but I don’t want to yet. What should I do? Follow my heart or do what is right?

Hi Mandhie –

I think the solution is in your question, but I think your question is wrong!  You ask whether you should do what’s right or follow your heart.  But I’m not sure you know what either of those would dictate.  “What’s right” might be to be careful, to not get involved with a boy who’s going out with lots of girls, to wait for him to come to you, or to go right up to him and tell him you want him to forget those other girls and be your boyfriend.  Your heart might tell you to run away and never look at him again, to throw yourself at him, to send him secret anonymous love notes… or all of those at the same time!

I would argue, in a situation like this, that you shouldn’t do anything that you don’t believe is right, and that you should follow your heart.  In other words, the answer to your question would be “Do both, or Continue reading