What to do when someone you think is above you likes you

Mandhie asks: So school reopens for another academic term, and there comes this tall, handsome guy whom the girls over here in my school die of when they see him. I go for supper, since my school is a boarding school, and he takes a seat with the cute guys at a certain table. Some minutes later, I walk in the dining hall and he starts looking at me. I personally didn’t realize, until my best friend highlighted me, that he was staring at me – especially because I am not that popular as compared to some. I asked her who she was talking about and she pointed at his direction when he wasn’t looking. You wouldn’t believe it, Shirelle!! He is sooo cute and tall! I asked my best friend again if she was sure he was looking at me, and she said yes. At that moment, I felt like I was in a high school movie when a cute guy comes to school and suddenly spots the non-popular girl when the popular ones are there. I decided to act like I didn’t care, but I was melting inside. Then I caught him taking the quickest glance at me. I felt so different! After supper, the popular girls in school went straight to him and were asking him questions, and this time, I saw it again: he was looking at my direction to see if I were still there! And I could see a satisfied face when he realized I was not gone. Now my friends say we are a perfect match just because we are both tall. But apart from that, a lot of people have been telling me how beautiful I am, though I actually don’t see it myself. Up till now, Shirelle, we have been staring at each other, and I feel so shy and my heart skips a beat when I see him. Then today, I ALMOST bumped into him and it was different altogether… he keeps on looking at me… What is the problem? I’ve never felt such feeling towards a guy before… What does that tell me, please!!

Hi Mandhie –

So let me get this straight – you’re a nice girl, but have never been super-popular at school.  A new boy, very tall and handsome, comes to the school.  You go into the school dining room, and he can’t stop staring at you…?

RUN!!! HE’S A VAMPIRE!!!  HE’S EDWARD AND YOU’RE THE NEXT BELLA!!!  (Just be sure you don’t run to any werewolves for help, okay)?

Okay, little doggie humor there.

The truth is… this is downright dreamy!  I don’t see anything wrong here at all!

The fact is, for all us creatures with larger brains, we get used to being treated a certain way, and it makes it really hard for us to accept things being different, even when they’re a lot better.

For example, I have a friend named Dorothy.  German Shepherd mix.  As pretty a dog as you’ve ever seen (yes, almost as pretty as me).  Anyone who even remotely likes dogs will adore Dorothy at first sight (or sniff).  And most humans will walk up to her and reach down to pet her soft back or scratch her silky ears, or even kiss her sweet face.  And the second they do reach toward her, as much as she hopes they pet her, she will collapse onto the ground, terrified.  Why?  Well, no one knows the exact details, but it seems that when her current family found her, she had been beaten very badly by some other people, enough that she might have even had some broken ribs.

Now no one has hurt Dorothy ever since (well, except when Handsome accidentally stepped on her paw once, when he was taking her for a walk and she turned in front of him, but that doesn’t really count, and he apologized to her a lot!).  But she still recoils from everyone.  It’s very sad.  Most likely she’ll never get over it.  As lovable as she is, and as much love as everyone she knows gives her, she’ll always be frightened of something really bad any time anyone reaches to touch her.

Now you’re not Dorothy, thank goodness.  But you are used to being treated as normal, not super-popular, nothing extra-special.  And here comes this dreamboat hottie, who appears to find you the most attractive girl around.  Sooo…?

Here’s the fact, Mandhie – this does truly happen!  In fact, it’s more likely to happen when it’s a new boy at school, because he hasn’t been taught by the group about who is considered popular or desirable.  He’s just acting on his own feelings.  And his feelings seem to be saying “I like that Mandhie!”

So you ask me about your feelings?  But you have to tell me what they are!  I’ll make a guess, though.  I imagine you’re feeling “Wow oh Wow oh Wow oh Wow!”  And that’s a pretty great feeling!

You know, I had just this same experience once.  You can probably guess what I’m about to say, but…  I was in the dog pound.  And I’d been there so long that I was on the list to be put down.  And one day this handsome, tall guy (admittedly, when I’m on all-fours I’m only about two-and-a-half feet tall, so pretty much all humans are tall to me) walked in, and was looking at all the dogs there, but he saw me, and was transfixed.  He couldn’t take his eyes off me.  Just like this boy at school was with you.

Now I had no mixed feelings at all in this case.  I liked him, and was over the moon when he bought me and took me home.  And I’ve loved him like crazy ever since.

But your case is a little more difficult.  This guy isn’t just going to make a decision and take you away forever.  You’re going to have a bit more interesting interaction.

So here’s my advice, which I think is what you’re really asking for:  Enjoy This!  Be yourself, be proud, and let him get to know you, and let him work to win you.  Be friendly, but know that you’re a catch, a prize.  You’re not some puppy one day away from being put down; you’re the girl he thinks is the most interesting in the whole school.  So enjoy that.

And who knows.  Maybe this is the beginning of many years of you being seen as something special and wantable.  So get yourself used to it.

Who knows, maybe someday you’ll be as secure in your lovability as I am!

But for the moment, HAVE FUN!!!

I’m so thrilled for you,




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