How to decide between the nice boy who wants you and the bad boy who doesn’t

LilChen asks: I have this guy I like at school, but he’s 1 year younger than me (or I should say his grade is 1 year younger than mine because he went back a grade). Everything went well with me and him through our conversations, because my best friend made us talk together. But just as we were about to have a ‘bond,’ he suddenly told me not to talk to him anymore. So I was sad, but then I found out my best friend was mad at him because I might start hanging out with him and not with her. So I just agreed with her, since she’s my best friend and this happened like 2 or 3 years ago, although I still like the guy. I found out later on that he was a playboy and had my closest friends falling for him, but they soon realized he was worth nothing… but I’ve liked him for 5 years. Should I give up? He knows I have a crush on him. I’m 14 years old and I had this problem since 5 years ago?! I don’t know why I can’t let go of him! But there is this one ‘guy’ that can make me forget about him. Lets just say his name is X and my crush since five years ago is named L. So what do you think I should do? I’m confused and lost and I wonder if I should even have these feelings at this particular age!

Hi LilChen –


Your situation sounded really complicated to me at first, but then I thought about it a minute, and realized it wasn’t so complex at all.  What we’re really talking about here is Chicken Bones.

You see, whenever I’m around a human eating chicken, I get super-hungry, and want to have some.  And even more than the meat, I want to chew on the bones.  They smell so yummy, and I start to drool, and can’t think of anything else but getting those delicious bones into my mouth and chomping down.

Well there’s a problem with that.  The bones of fish and birds are very brittle, and splinter when they’re chewed.  Because of this, it can be very dangerous for dogs to eat chicken bones (unlike bones of cows or lambs, which are perfectly fine for us).  So it’s necessary for our human friends to not let us have those bones – no matter how much we might want them.  And it’s really necessary that our humans not just throw those bones into a wastebasket where we can get to them, because we will grab them out and eat them.

And we will do that because we have absolutely no self-control when it comes to those bones.  Our brains simply aren’t big enough to grasp that there’s a problem with them.


So this boy, L… he’s a chicken bone.  He’s bad for you, you know he’s bad for you, your friends know he’s bad for you – you even refer to him as “worth nothing” – but you can’t stop being interested in him.  He’s as bad for you as chicken bones are for me, and just as enticing.  (I even wonder if the fact that he’s so wrong for you makes him more interesting to you!)

Now you ask me about this other boy, X.  Well I don’t know anything about him.  Maybe he’s boring, maybe he’s a creep, and maybe he’s wonderful.  But I do know one thing about him, LilChen…  he’s not that chicken bone!!


So I think you already know what you should do.  You have a far bigger brain than we dogs have.  So use it.

Give X a chance.  See what he’s like.  And if he’s not that great, move on and find another boy.  But where L is concerned, you have to be your own owner.  It has to be you who keeps you from chewing on those bones.  Give up on him.  Do your best to forget him.

And if you can’t?  If you just find him so irresistible that every time you see him you drool?  Well, then that’s just part of your life.  I’ll never not want chicken bones, and you’ll never not want him.

But with a little self-control, you’ll be able to move on with your life and have so much fun with other boys… it’ll be like me chewing beef bones for the rest of my days!  YUM!!!


All my best,



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