Audreykimberly146 asks: My two best friends have crushes on the same person. They fight and hit each other. But in front of the teacher, they are as sweet as “Sugar Angel” (a term I use for super-sweet). They are asking me to choose because I am their crush’s best friend. We were in elementary school together, and now I am in Junior High School, and meanwhile they’re still enemies (I’m now at a different school from where they are. They are in our previous school but the junior high grade). Meanwhile, I have so much homework, as well as chores at home, so I can’t spend all this effort on them. What should I do?!
Hi Audreykimberly146 –
What an annoying situation! It really sounds impossible! But I do have a few thoughts on it.
First of all, the idea that they’re asking you to choose between them is so unfair. You’re not even at the same school they’re at. Why should you have to give up a friend just because they can’t get along? I’m sure neither of them wants to lose your friendship, so why do they insist you have to pick one over the other? My advice on this would just be to tell them both that you refuse. Then if one of them hates the other so much that they’d rather lose you as a friend than share you, that’s clearly the one who values your friendship the least, and the one you can do without. But if neither of them drops you as a friend, then maybe, someday, you can even bring them back together.
Secondly, if their problem is about a crush, then why are you supposed to choose at all?! They should both approach whoever they have a crush on, and see what the crush decides. It’s not like you can choose who that person is more attracted to! If I see a dog in a park that I want to play with, and another dog wants to play with that dog too, it’s only the attractive dog who’ll get to choose between us. No one else.
And this is all why I’m saying this situation is crazy-making. It sounds like both of your friends are a little obsessed with you, and expecting you to solve their problems, which, as you say, you’re way too busy to be able to do.
But this leads to another thought. While they might say, or even believe, that what’s causing their conflict is this crush, maybe it’s not. Maybe it’s YOU who’s causing it. Maybe they each want to be close to you, to have you only be their friend, and not the other’s. Maybe they’re talking to you as if you’re the one who has to do things for them, but in truth, you are the one who has all the power!
So what should you do with that power? I’d suggest, again, that you tell them that you refuse to choose between them. And then, sometime when things aren’t so bad between them, I’d recommend trying to get together – the three of you! Since you’re the one they value the most, maybe they’d agree to hang out for a few hours.
And who knows, Audreykimberly146, maybe, with a little effort, you can make this trio into a true “Sugar Angel” that lasts the rest of your life!