How to compete with your friend over someone

ilikechicken asks: My school divides into two sections, and the kids in each only do things with the other ones in their section. My best friend, C, is in one section and I’m in the other. I never see him. But, my other friend (who I had a crush on) is in C’s section. One night when I was spending the night at C’s house, he said she was flirting with him. I got a little sad but kept it inside. What should I do? (I’m in contact with the girl through Instagram FYI)

Hi ilikechicken –

Now I’m having a bit of a problem here.  What you’re saying is clear, but you’ve left out a huge part: How did C feel about the flirting?!  If he was telling you that he’s not interested in the girl, but just wanted to warn you that she’s looking elsewhere than you, then my suggestion is that you get him to help you win her over!  Remember: You’re more interesting, because you’re not in their section of school, than anyone there is!

But if C is interested, then you have another issue – a far more difficult one.  And this question goes back centuries!  What a horrible situation to be in!  But of course, it makes sense – why wouldn’t you and your best friend be drawn to the same sorts?

If this is the case, I can’t give you a definite answer on what to do, but a few ideas strike me.  If one of these sounds good to you, you might want to try it:


1)    Go out to dinner with C, and talk about it.   Is one of you more interested in her than the other is?  Is one of you also interested in someone else?  There might be a really simple solution here, and all it would take is for the two of you to be open with each other to find out about it.

2)    Be a great friend, and let the two of them go out.  If it works out in the long term, then that’s probably best for everyone.  But if they break up eventually, that might make it clear that you were the right one, and you can both have a chance with her, and keep your friendship too!  (Of course, that only works if they break up but can still stay friendly.  If they despise each other and need to be kept apart, you might end up in the unenviable position of having to choose between them).

3)    Go for it!  May the best suitor win!  If the friendship is good enough, it can handle some competition.  Handsome once won a “battle” like that when, after a long night between his great friend and a beautiful woman they were both interested in, she mentioned what her favorite song was, and he picked up a guitar and played it for her.  His friend nobly, and smilingly, got up and said goodnight to both of them, and left!  Today he and that friend are still great pals (though neither of them knows what happened to the lovely lady over the years!).

4)    Give up, and have your friend give up too.  Save your friendship, and don’t risk it over some romantic interest that might not last.

5)    And, toughest of all (maybe impossible), let her decide.  Put it up to her.  “Hey, both of us would like to go out with you.  Would you like to go out with either of us?”  Maybe she will choose to go out with both of you for a while (that could be really weird!).  Or maybe she has a definite preference.

Those are all the suggestions I can come up with.  But one thing, if you do number 5, don’t either of you cheat!  I’m reminded of a very funny old movie called “The Awful Truth,” where a couple is divorcing and has agreed on all the splitting of property, except for their dog – both insist they should keep him for themselves.  The judge decides to let the dog decide, by having the two people stand on opposite sides of the courtroom, with the dog in the middle, and each call to the dog, and see who he chooses to run to.  The pooch is very confused, till the wife sneaks a piece of meat out of her purse, and of course he gallops straight to her.  Don’t either of you put a piece of meat in your purse!  It’ll ruin your friendship and set the romance up on a bad foundation!!!

But beyond that, any of those ideas could work.

Let me know what you do, ilikechicken.  I’d love to hear!!


Best of Luck!



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