Category Archives for "Questions"

0 Is it okay to get an instrument and not take lessons?

Doglover101 asks: I’ve been wanting to play either the guitar or piano for a bit and have asked my mom to buy one of them or check them out in a music store. We might be going on Monday but here’s the problem… My mom would let me get one of them but always says that I’d have to go to lessons. I don’t want to play professionally or go to lessons, I want to do it for fun… But my mother won’t let me. Help?

Hi Doglover101 –

This is a tough one, and I’m on both your sides on this one. Not that you shouldn’t have fun, but… Let me try talking about it in terms of my favorite subject, dogs.

Every day, kids around the world say they want a puppy. And most parents say that’d be fine, but that they would need to do lots of chores (walking, cleaning up, grooming, training), and suddenly that bundle of loving fun sounds like a ton of work.

Then, very often, the kids agree, and the parents go to a pound or shelter or breeder or store, and get a puppy, and the whole family falls in love with the little nibbler at first sight. All is wonderful… at first. But then all those chores start having to be done – but they’re not. The puppy isn’t walked, so it messes up the house. He isn’t trained, so he chews up valuable stuff. She isn’t groomed so there’s hair everywhere… and bit by bit, instead of being what everyone loves, the puppy becomes an annoyance. The parents threaten to give little Buttonface away if the kids don’t start doing what they said, the kids forget, the parents give the pup back to where they got it, and everyone is resentful and miserable.

Now, of course I’m not comparing a wooden box with strings to a living breathing loving puppy. But often the same sort of thing happens – a guitar or piano seem so fun and cool at first, and they make all sorts of noise, and you can figure out how to play some songs you like… but then the novelty wears off. And as with any other toy or game, you lose interest in it.

But the difference between a piano and a toy is that a piano costs hundreds of times more (and a good guitar is also worth a lot).

So I definitely understand why your mom doesn’t want to spend all that money if you’re not going to devote yourself to mastering the instrument. But at the same time, how can you know you really want to put all that work in before you get a chance to have the fun with it you’re picturing?

So here’s my thought: Continue reading

0 How to deal with an ex who cares about you

kacey_79 asks: I really liked this boy, so I got to know him, and he finally gave me a chance. We have had our ups and downs for 3 months now, but now another girl is involved. He told me he still loves me, but he does have feelings for her, and ended our relationship to make things work with her. This girl is way better than me; she is gorgeous and I feel like I wasn’t good enough for him. But the other day I got into a bad situation, and he begged me to come and see me, but I told him I didn’t want to see him. I trust him with everything and I do really love him and I don’t want to lose him, but I feel like I’m being played and I don’t really know what to do. I mean do I keep fighting for him or just let him go?

Hi kacey_79 –

This is a tough tough situation!  I get into this issue with Handsome all the time, where he tells me I’m his special pup, the one in his heart, his favorite thing ever… but then he’ll see some cute puppy and start gushing about how adorable it is and run up and pet it and scratch its ears and rub its tummy and let it chew on his hand and… and I go nuts!  I don’t attack him (that never goes well), but I do run to that little mutt and give the youngster a big dose of barking and growling and teeth and “That man is MINE!”  Just so there’s no question.

Now it’s probably not a great idea for you to go beat up this girl (we pups can get away with that better than you can), but you do need to do something, just to get out of this mess.

I will give the boy credit for one thing; I’m glad he was honest with you about his feelings about her, and glad he didn’t try to date you both at the same time.  In other words, he’s treating you with respect, from the place his head is.

But there’s one thing you said here that upset me a lot.  And I mean, a LOT.  You said, Continue reading

0 When your friend dates someone you like

Tasha55 asks: I have a friend who started dating the guy I liked for 3 years. She doesn’t know I like him. I’m happy that they’re both dating and they both like each other. Should I tell her I like him or just keep it to myself? He doesn’t even talk to me he talks to everyone except me. Should I try to talk to him?

Hi Tasha55 –

This crazy situation comes up all the time. I suppose the most famous version of it was a great French play called “Cyrano De Bergerac.” It’s about a brilliant man cursed with a hideously huge nose (or so people said – after all, my nose is a lot bigger than his, and everyone says I’m gorgeous!), who’s deeply in love with a woman, and ends up helping another man, not nearly as smart, win her over with poetry and beautiful words of love. Painful stuff.

Now luckily, you’re in an easier situation than Cyrano was. You’re happy they’re dating, and supportive of her. So even if things stay just the way they are now, you’ll be okay. I’m very glad for this.

But the truth is, your friend Continue reading

0 How to tell when someone likes you but can’t say it

Wolfy asks: I have a friend. He is being really weird lately. Our schedules got changed, and he ended up in two of my classes. We first met last-minute studying for a test, and he got all of them right. We are friends now and we were cool for a while. But then he started kinda ignoring us (me and my group of friends), but still came when I called him over. This was weird because we were working together, but he wasn’t with us as usually. We asked him why, and he said he worked better with the other people because he didn’t really like them. Oddly enough he kept going to them after the work was finished. Well, that stopped. He sticks with us now. Just a few days ago though, he and I were the last two in class (besides the teacher) and he told me he wanted to ask me something. But he noticed that someone forgot their notebook. I looked down the hall and they were gone. Just then a friend I was going home with called me, so I caught up with her. He caught up with me and told me a really weird pointless story. As he walked away I asked him if that was what he wanted to tell me. He said no, and left. The next day I saw him was two days later. So, I asked him about it. He said he had no idea what I was talking about…. sigh. I asked my friends and they said maybe he likes me. He has told me who he likes. Showed me a picture of her even. He knew her before he knew me. I don’t know what to make of him anymore. Any ideas?

Hi Wolfy –

Sadly, as I’ve had to tell so many people, I’m a very smart dog but I’m not psychic.  I have absolutely no idea what is going on with him!  I’m inclined, though, to think your friends might be right.  He might be interested in you for more than studying!

But here’s the tough part – he might not even know it yet!  The teen years are just about the craziest time any human ever goes through, and it sounds like his mind is going in circles at 800 miles an hour.  One moment he just has to tell you something because it’s so important, and later he’s avoiding you or saying (truthfully or not) that he doesn’t even know what it was.

My advice to you is to Continue reading

0 How to do what you love when you feel judged.

DogLover101 asks: When I was really young, in junior infants (1st grade), I wanted to become an artist. But then halfway through 2nd class, I realized that I couldn’t actually draw, paint, or sculpt like real artists do. One of the reasons that I realized that was because this classmate of mine, who HATES my guts, J, is the class’ best artist – and let me tell you he knows, like he really truly knows… He brags about it, but since I hate him I try to have as little eye contact with him as possible. So after that I decided that I wanted to be a Vet because I really loved animals – and of course my mom was happy with this decision because it meant that I would go to College. My excuse throughout the 4 years was that I wanted to be a Vet, but I really didn’t want to go to College to be something I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t enjoy coming to Every. Single. Day. But then after the beautiful Christmas of 2015 my mom bought me…An Art set! It is so professional and the supplies don’t suck… It’s perfect! Of course I tried it out and I love it! Now every time I paint I feel like time stops and it’s just me, my creativity, and my brush. I put all of my paintings up even if they’re not my best work. There’s also this girl K in my class, who follows me and my friends around and tries to fit in. She’s SO annoying; in fact our teacher brought all of the girls in my class up to her desk and said to try to be friends with her. WOAH no! What teacher does that? Anyway she’s also good at Art and surely brags about it as well. And then there’s me…. No one knows that painting is my getaway, nor that it’s my hobby again. They all still think I want to be a Vet. So how do I do this? How do I let people know that I actually am the Art type and kind of be known for it (not in a braggy way)? I’m pretty sure if J and K find out then J will judge me and say I suck while K will either ignore the topic or say it’s good (Too good…). They can draw, but I’m more of a painter and my class does these challenges (for fun) where two people draw against each other, and if I’m challenged to an Art-off, I’m pretty sure I’ll lose and he’ll rub it in my face for the whole year!

Hi Doglover101 –

As you can probably guess, I have a lot to say on this.

First of all, about this girl.  I’m actually on your teacher’s side on this one.  You know, when I was a puppy, I was the most annoying being in the whole world.  Big dogs snapped at me, humans kicked me away, and even Handsome would throw me outdoors for being too much of a pain.  It’s not that I was mean; it’s just that I was so friendly and playful, and so eager for acceptance from everyone, that I did a lousy job of every interaction (or, as Handsome likes to say, “It’s sure a good thing you were so cute then!  That’s the only reason you’re even alive today!”).

I understand she’s annoying, but I’d say to see if there’s a part of her you like.  And if so, befriend that part of her and help her feel more accepted in the class, and see if her annoying parts go away.  (And if they don’t, then you can of course give up on her!).

Then about your thoughts about college.  Even if you become an artist, I really encourage you to consider it.  Even if you take some time off before you go.  It just makes life so much easier for humans these days; and art is a very difficult profession to depend on.  So I’d say to strongly consider pleasing your mom and going to college – even if you end up specializing in Art!  At least you’ll have that achieved.

Okay, now about your art and these other kids.  This will be your future, in any creative endeavor.  There are always self-professed experts in every field.  There are always hangers-on.  There are always others who will tell you you can’t do what you’re trying.

After all, can you imagine what other dogs told me when I said I wanted to do this website?!

So here’s my advice on this.  First of all, Continue reading

0 How to handle a relative with bad manners

jeff asks: I have family in town for the holidays. Everything is going well for the most part, the usual drama. However, my sister who is 43 now does not close the door when she uses the bathroom or wash her hands when she is done. My kids ages 13 & 15 are appalled. I don’t know how to approach my sister without upsetting her. She’s been through a lot the last few years, but this issue MUST be addressed.

Hi Jeff –

I have a GREAT suggestion, but it’s probably too late – which is to get a dog.  We pups absolutely LOVE sniffing around humans when you’re making interesting smells, and your sister would most likely get pretty annoyed by us doing that, and so shut the door!

But if that’s not a possibility, I’d say that the problem here is your Continue reading

4 How to keep yourself from hoarding

Deb asks: I live with my mom (age 89, but very healthy). We have three bedrooms. One is now a den for 39 years. It used to be my sisters room before she married in 1976. The master bedroom is my mom’s (dad died 31 years ago). My room is in the middle. All my clothes are from the 99 cent store. However, in 2007 I went overboard with buying tons of clothes from the 99 cent store and I had to use the closet in the den for many of my clothes in addition to my bedroom closet and dresser draws. Then in December 2014 and January 2015 I got a hold of myself and gave away 60 bags of clothes and now I have perfect amount. All my clothes are now just in my bedroom closet and my dresser draws and I love it. However, here is what I am OCD’ing about: First let me tell you we have four closets altogether – The closet in the den, my closet, my mom’s closet and the coat closet. What I am OCD’ing about is that I will be compelled to use the other closets for my clothes when my mom is no longer here and I am the only one living in the apt. I don’t want to feel compelled to use the other closets for my clothes. I just want to keep my clothes in my bedroom closet and dresser draws forever. Keep in mind when she is no longer here I will have to give her clothes away and two out of the three closets will have nothing hanging on its rails the rails will be empty.

Hi Deb –

I’m sure some people would read this letter and say “Oh, Deb’s a hoarder!”  But speaking as a hoarder myself (of toys, old bones, and other things I don’t want anyone else touching), I fully relate.

In terms of a solution to your self-control problems, I could go with the easy ones like, “Well, move to a smaller place,” or “Put other things in those closets, like bones or dog toys!”

But I think there’s a much tougher issue here.  Which is the way you’re Continue reading

0 How much texting is right in a relationship

Prettyndsweet12 asks: Me and my boyfriend have been in a long distance relationship for a month now and it’s great but during the weekday I don’t really get to talk to him which isn’t too much of a problem because I know being in high school keeps you quite busy because I’m in it as well. The problem is that I end up texting him first and I may not hear from him for a couple of days and I don’t want to feel like an annoying girlfriend by constantly texting him and the only way I feel like that can be solved is if he texts me first so I know when he’s too busy to talk and when he is available but how can I express that to him?

Hi Prettyndsweet12 –

First of all, CONGRATULATIONS ON THE BOYFRIEND!!!  I love that someone else appreciates your prettiness and sweetness the way I do!

But as to your question –

This stuff is hard.  The closest I have in my life to what you’re describing is when Handsome has guests come over, and I know I’m not supposed to jump on them, but I want to – and I don’t want them to think I’m not eager to play with them, because I’m dying to – so I’m stuck trying to balance what I want with what they want and what they don’t want, and it’s all in my own head so I don’t even know if I’m right to worry and…  oh it’s hurting my little brain just to think about it!

The situation you’re describing, I find, is at its worst at earlier stages in relationships.  You at least know each other is your boyfriend/girlfriend.  But I hear so many humans worrying about when it’s cool to text or call, and when seems desperate, or cold, or…

We dogs NEVER have that issue with each other.  It’s so simple with us – if I see a dog and I want to sniff or play with them, I go right up to them.  If they don’t want me around, they’ll growl or snap at me, and I get the message and all’s fine.  If they do, we’ll figure out what the other likes to do, and have some fun.

But you humans make everything so complicated!  Are you “annoying” or “clingy” or “demanding,” and is he “distant,” “uncaring,” or “uninterested?”  And what makes it worst is that you’re all doing guesswork – no one’s telling the other what they actually want or need!

So I’ll admit I know nothing about coolness – dogs are all about warmth – but my suggestion is that you Continue reading

0 How to adjust to a changing friendship

LovelyMe asks: I am really exhausted. I’m currently in college and it’s so much work. On top of that, I’ve been having issues lately with my best friend – that I feel like I can’t really call my best friend. I feel like she gets around other people and acts totally different, and that’s not the person I’m used to. Also, she’s really judgmental and that affects me sometimes. I feel like sometimes I can’t be myself, because our beliefs aren’t the same. What really hurt me was the fact that her mom said she didn’t want her to hang around me because I had a girlfriend; it kind of offended me because I’m not gonna make her daughter like girls – this isn’t an contagious disease! Minus that, I feel like the person I’m with is cheating on me because our conversation has become really distant since I went off to college. We’re always arguing and we barely call each other. I feel like I’m not getting any attention while I’m away. I love her so much and I can’t see myself without her. I’m just so exhausted because I feel like I’m going through obstacles in a game, just to prove who I am to people, and being rejected again. Please help me because I have no clue what to do.

Hi LovelyMe –

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. But as awful as it is – it’s very normal. Kids have friendships that are inseparable… until they separate. Suddenly, their views and desires for what kinds of adults they want to be send them in different directions. And nothing’s ever quite the same.

It seems like you two are right in that transition now. When you and she are alone, it’s like it used to be, but when other people are around, she acts completely different. And when you’re away at college, conversation is distant, and you feel ignored. Then you have that other element, that her mother is intolerant of your sexuality, which makes things tough for both of you.

There’s no really great solution to this. But my best suggestion is to Continue reading

0 Committing too fast in a relationship

Prettyndsweet12 asks: Unfortunately things didn’t work out with the last guy I was talking to. A lot of it came from lack of communication and not talking everyday like we used to. Your advice about my last question helped me decide to just let go of the relationship and I’m glad I did because I’ve had time to focus on myself. I’m doing amazing in school and I’m just happy with life in general, but after a while it gets boring being lonely — so I started talking to a guy I met online (he’s 100% who he says he is so I’m not being fooled). But he lives about 2 hours from me, so our only communication is through our phones for now. He’s so sweet and even says he sees me as someone who he would spend the rest of his life with. It’s been 2 weeks but I feel like we’re drifting apart and I’m having 2nd thoughts, but I can’t afford to be hurt again and I’m stuck.

Hi Prettyndsweet12 –

I’m sorry your last relationship didn’t work out, and glad you’ve found someone exciting.  It’s great that you’re talking on the phone, and I hope it stays fun.  But I certainly understand your fear.

And here’s my big thought on it.  You guys jumped a step.  Or rather, you jumped about twenty!  And because you jumped them, everything got messed up.

There’s nothing wrong with the way it started.  You liked each other’s pictures, and you liked what each wrote, and so you started chatting online. And as you kept liking what the other said, you started talking on the phone.  Lovely.  And then he said he might like to spend the rest of his life with you and…

WHAT?!

My friend, there are two things that can really wash out the spark of a relationship.  One is someone being mean or cruel or false.  And the other is someone Continue reading