When your friend dates someone you like

Tasha55 asks: I have a friend who started dating the guy I liked for 3 years. She doesn’t know I like him. I’m happy that they’re both dating and they both like each other. Should I tell her I like him or just keep it to myself? He doesn’t even talk to me he talks to everyone except me. Should I try to talk to him?

Hi Tasha55 –


This crazy situation comes up all the time. I suppose the most famous version of it was a great French play called “Cyrano De Bergerac.” It’s about a brilliant man cursed with a hideously huge nose (or so people said – after all, my nose is a lot bigger than his, and everyone says I’m gorgeous!), who’s deeply in love with a woman, and ends up helping another man, not nearly as smart, win her over with poetry and beautiful words of love. Painful stuff.


Now luckily, you’re in an easier situation than Cyrano was. You’re happy they’re dating, and supportive of her. So even if things stay just the way they are now, you’ll be okay. I’m very glad for this.


But the truth is, your friend might actually like it if she hears you’ve had a bit of a thing for her boyfriend. It’s a compliment. At the very least you could tell her “I’ve always thought he was the cutest guy in school” or something like that.


And as far as talking with him goes, you now have an “in” with him, in that you’re friends with his girlfriend. You could easily become a friend of his too, through her.


Now here’s my other thought, a bit sneaky but not mean (like the way I am when I take a piece of food off the counter!). If you become friends with him, and the two of them stay together, then all is fine. But if you become friends with him and they break up, suddenly there might be a chance that he might start looking on you as more than just a friend! This happens all the time! Really!


The only danger I see is if you get to know him, and really start going crazy for him, and it becomes difficult for you to stay friends with the two of them because of your feelings. That would be really tough.


But if you’ve gone three years without talking to him, and you’re happy for the two now, it sounds to me like you’re in great shape. So compliment her on her cute boyfriend and how lucky she is, become friends with him, and your life will either get a little better… or a LOT!!!


Best of Luck!




About the Author

Leave a Reply 0 comments

Leave a Reply: