Category Archives for "Growing Up"

0 How to fix a friendship that ended because one asked the other out

ebrooke asks: I asked a boy who was my best friend out and he said no. Now I’m really embarrassed and I don’t know what to do. I also feel like I’m losing him as a friend, because we haven’t spoken to each other much since I asked him out. That was about 6 weeks ago. I’m really hoping you can help because it hasn’t been working out for me with those other advice websites.

Hi ebrooke –

Of course I don’t know the actual details, but I’m going to make a guess about your situation.  This boy was your best friend.  He probably felt pressured when you asked him out.  He knew that he was facing losing his best friend when you did that.  He also probably thinks he really hurt your feelings by saying no.

And I’m guessing that, because of that, he’s trying to give you space now.  To not hurt you more.

What it sounds like he’s missing is that your feelings are far more hurt by his giving you that space than by the actual Continue reading

0 How to deal with drama between friends

Tessa asks: Two of my friends ( a and b ) wanted to do a social studies project with my other friend ( c ). They agreed to flip a coin, because it seemed fair enough, and my friend ( a ) lost. She got very upset and left the chat (we were video chatting), and started messaging me saying she hates her life, cursing about it, and saying she’s happy that she’ll soon be moving away. Now she’s happy again. But my friend ( b) was sorry, because I wanted to do the project with her, so she said we could maybe do it as a triplet ( me b and c). So I told my friend ( c) the next day, and she said we had to tell my friend ( a ) that we were thinking about it, and we had to ask her if it would be okay. I told my other friend about it and she said ok. We were all scared because my friend ( a ) is very sensitive. When we told her she started crying hysterically. We didn’t say it was definite, but she tried to twist our words to make it look that way. Now my friend (c) wants to stay with her, and me and my friend ( b) are feeling left out! My friend (b) is crying, my other friends don’t care, and I’m in the middle. All of the sudden she is happy and our friend again, but she said she wouldn’t talk to us for a week. I don’t know, because she is spoiled, and if she doesn’t get what she wants she gets upset and waits for whoever upset her to forgive her even though she did something. I don’t think she is a good friend – really torturing her own friend and not caring. Should I forgive her or talk to her? I don’t know if it will make it worse.

Hi tessa –

Okay, I just have to say, this is just about the most complicated situation I’ve ever heard in my life.  I’ve had to read your question over a few times, and even though you tried really hard to make everything clear, I’m still confused at a few points.

But I’m very sure about one thing:  Your friends like DRAMA!  Lots and lots and lots of Drama!

My goodness, we’re talking about a Social Studies project here, not the senior prom!  Sure, everyone wants to feel wanted, but these girls need to develop a sense of perspective.

You are, like me, a good-hearted soul, who wants to please Continue reading

0 How to fend off bullies who insult your better qualities

ebrooke asks: I am in high school. A big group of bullies say mean things behind my back. I don’t know why but I think it’s because a) I look anorexic (I’m not); b) I sound American and people say mean things about that; c) I am friends with all the boys except the mean ones; and d) I have good grades (I don’t think that’s bad though). One day they called me and my friends nerds and a called them a mean thing back and then they kept on saying mean things and so did I. I feel guilty and if I say anything, they won’t stop and they can tell on me too. What can I do?

Hi ebrooke –

Okay, first of all, I have a couple of pieces on Bullying, on this site.  Just go to the Search Box on your right, and type in Bullying or Bullies – you should find them.

But then I want to point something out to you about bullies.  The best of them, the really talented ones, are brilliant at making people feel bad about themselves, even for their best qualities.  Said with enough scorn, “You’re a beautiful genius” can be an insult!  You have here listed four things that these jerks insult you for – and not one of them is a Continue reading

0 How to overcome feeling isolated

dramatherapy asks: How can I overcome feeling isolated?

Hi dramatherapy –

Hey I love your name!  My friend Handsome studied Dramatherapy, and is a huge fan of it.  For those who don’t know, that’s a form of psychotherapy where, instead of just talking about things, the therapist and clients do lots of activities.  Maybe they’ll write poems, or play with puppets or musical instruments, or draw pictures, or even act out roles – all in special ways that help the clients grow through stuff.  If I were a therapist, I’d definitely be a Dramatherapist – if only because I can’t stand sitting still for long!!!

So, given that you chose that Pack name, I’m kind of surprised at your question.  Because, you see, I think your name IS the answer to it!

It’s terrible to actually be isolated.  When I’ve had to stay at the veterinarians’ office overnight, and I’m locked in a little cage all alone, I’m just miserable.  I know Handsome’s coming back to get me… but I don’t totally know it!  You know?  I mean… he does love me, right?  And he isn’t really mad at me about that thing he yelled about yesterday, is he?  The thing I couldn’t figure out?  And he’s going to be okay?  I mean, he’s not hurt or something and so can never get back to get me, is he??!

Now that’s real isolation.  But I’m assuming that you’re not locked in a Continue reading

0 How to get parents to stop complaining about your room

Resistance asks: How can we make our parent stop grumbling at us about our habitat?

Hi Resistance –

If I understand correctly, you’re asking how to get your parents off your case about your home, and especially your room.  Probably a mix between your decorating choices and your cleanliness habits.

Well, Resistance, you’re going to hate my first answer.  The way to get your parents to stop grumbling is probably to clean up after yourself.  All the time.  Yes, I mean taking your dishes to the kitchen when you’re done with them, and washing them (or at least putting them in the dishwasher).  And picking up your clothes and everything else before you leave every day.  And making your bed.  Yes, I mean all that boring irritating junk they incessantly complain about.  That’s the way to get them off your case.

At least, about the cleaning part.  But if they’re really griping a lot about the stuff you put on your Continue reading

0 Why is it so hard to get teenagers to concentrate on schoolwork

perman asks: I am a maths teacher. Many students say that they can not concentrate on studies at this age. What’s the reason? Can you offer me any help to convince them.

Hi perman –

I have a number of posts on here for teens, about how to concentrate better, and study better.  It’s always been very difficult, but you’re right, today it’s even more than usual.

Why has it always been difficult?  Well, mainly because this is a time in life when people’s bodies are changing very quickly, their hormones are going just wild, they’re becoming much more interested in their peers than in anything else, and many of those peers are also changing, in ways that can become very very attractive!

But also, the teenage years are a time when humans begin to question Continue reading

0 why are teens drinking so much today

max asks: What’s the reason for the increase of young teenagers that drink today?

Hi max –

I have to be honest with you, max.  I’ve been looking around the internet, and I’m not seeing clear statistics about an increase.  In fact, in the US, it appears teenage drinking has gone down in the last decade.

But don’t get the idea that I’m saying it’s not a problem.  That reduction might well be because teens are doing more of other substances!

What I think you’re seeing, max, is due to two factors.  One is that as people get older, people younger than them look younger!  So if you were, say twelve, and you saw a fourteen-year-old drinking beer at a party, you were seeing an “older teen.”  But if you’re thirty and you see that same fourteen-year-old, you’re seeing a Continue reading

0 How to get a parent to not touch you so much

jamz12 asks: My Father is always teasing me, so whenever he touches me I get annoyed, yell at him, etc. What should I do to control my emotions? Because I know that I hurt his feelings when I yell at him.

Hi jamz12 –

I love that you’re concerned about your father’s feelings.  That’s a good quality, that will serve you well as your life goes on.

But I wish he showed as much concern for yours.

Look, it’s tough to be a parent.  For the first few years, you have a 24-hour job of taking care of this helpless little being, and the only reward you get is to stuff your face into its tummy and make farting noises with your mouth!  Then the kid gets older, and you love nothing more than the physical connection you have with them – hugs, them falling asleep on you, all that.  Then they get a little older than that… and suddenly they want their own space.  They don’t want you touching them all the time.  And of course, that Continue reading

0 Is it dangerous to date someone too good-looking?

michelle asks: What will you do if a very handsome guy who is every girl`s dream tells you he loves you? Would you accept it because he is every girls dream? Or not?

Hi michelle –

Well, I might be the wrong one to ask.  You see, to my mind, the handsomest guy in the world is the human I live with.  No one in the world makes me happier to see.  That’s why I call him Handsome.

And Handsome tells me he loves me every day.  In a thousand ways.  So what do I do when he tells me that?  Let’s see, I jump on him, I lick his face, I bite his Continue reading

0 When to give up on a relationship

MahalnaPrinsesa25 asks: How will you know if you need to give up on a guy?

Hi MahalnaPrinsesa25 –

Giving up on someone is a very difficult and sad thing.  If you’re together, then it means breaking up, which always results in at least one of you getting hurt.  And if you mean just giving up on hopes of getting someone, then that’s the death of a dream – and usually a very beautiful dream.  So it’s not something one wants to do, unless you’re really sure it’s the only way.

So how will you know it’s time?  Well, usually just because you Continue reading