0 What besides studying are universities looking for?

shiraz asks: I am a sixteen-year-old girl. I’m studying sooooo hard to get a scholarship and go to Canada, because in Iran we don’t have any universities as good as theirs. I’ve really put my heart into it, because I think that the only way I can get in is to study and study and study. What do you think?

Hi shiraz –

You ask if the way to get into a good Canadian university is to study and study and study?  I completely agree.  In fact, you might want to add a few more “study and study”s to it!

The other thing I’d suggest, though, is that many western colleges and universities care a lot about other things as well as grades.  One of them is Diversity, and you should score great on that, just by the fact of coming from Iran.  But another one is Continue reading

0 How to find one’s feminine energy

Lovedino123lady asks: How do you be more ladylike and girly?

Hi Lovedino123lady –

Well, my friend, no one has ever accused me of being ladylike.  If I’m compared to anyone in that famous movie about dogs, I’m way more Tramp than Lady!  But I’ll try to help you out anyway.

The fact that you’re asking me this question probably means that you have a sense of what appears more girly or ladylike:  wearing dresses instead of pants, sashaying around instead of walking with direction, not punching or biting anyone!

But I don’t think that’s what you’re really asking about.  I think what you’re really after is how to increase your Continue reading

0 How to improve one’s English

Tran Cam asks: I’m from Vietnam, I’ve been studying English at Planet American English School for three months. But I’m having a hard time with it. Do you have any suggestions, to help me out?

Hi Tran Cam –

I really have to bow to you, Tran Cam.  English is an incredibly hard language to learn!  Due to the history behind it, it is a mixture of so many different languages; and due to the amount of exploration the British Empire had, it has so many different sounds!  Do you realize that, in Chaucer’s day, pronunciation of English made Continue reading

0 What to do when you’re surrounded by negative people

aditi asks: I am surrounded by people filled with negative thoughts. It’s really difficult to recognize who’s real and who isn’t. I don’t have any questions about anything for you, Shirelle, but I just need to find someone to listen to me, and talk. How do I find the right person?

Hi aditi –

I certainly understand your plight.  If more people were less negative, I wouldn’t have this website!  The whole purpose of this site is to help defeat the negativity people carry around in their lives.  I’ve spent my whole life seeing people who I think are just wonderful having the worst attitudes toward themselves and others.  It’s really heartbreaking!

So one “person” you can talk with is me, and I’m glad you thought to do so.  But beyond my fine self, I really recommend two other things.

First, as I do so often here, I’ll recommend that you find a Continue reading

0 How to deal with a parent after you’ve failed at something

mame asks: I am really depressed right now and don’t know what to do. One of my guy friends asked me to be his prom date and so I said yes. I told my mum about it and she didn’t seem to have a problem with it. Now the prom is very near and I need to be preparing for it in terms of clothing and stuff like that. But now I’m afraid to ask my mum about the prom, because I have failed my exams. I don’t know what to do!

Hi mame –

Your question is downright painful, because we all know that feeling!  You already feel bad about the exams, and you don’t want to make things worse for yourself, or especially between you and your mum.

Now I don’t know your mother, but I know a lot of women, and I can’t help but think that there’s a really good chance that she’ll actually be kinder than you think.

You see, all your life, she’s been an authority figure to you, the one who tells you what to do, and who takes pride in your successes and is disappointed when you fail.  But there was a time before that, before you, when she was a young Continue reading

1 How to get your parents to buy you something

nardy asks: How can I convince my parents to buy me my dream phone? Every time I’ve asked, they say next week, and the last time I told mother to buy me that phone, she told me to shut up or she won’t buy it for me. I really want it quickly. What can I do?

Hi nardy –

So I’m going to be kind of mean here, but I have no doubt that everyone who reads your letter on my website will have a little laugh at one sentence in it.  When you say “the last time I told my mother to buy me that phone…” you probably hit on the biggest problem you’ve got.  Parents do NOT like to be told what to do.  Sometimes you might want to, or have to, order them to do something (such as “Wake up, Mommy!  The house is on fire!”), but they’re never going to like the way it Continue reading

0 How to get assistance for HIV

Winnie asks: Where can I take my 16-year-old boy who is HIV positive for assistance?

Hi Winnie –

I am so deeply sorry about your son.  While doctors have done a really amazing job of finding ways to control HIV, since it showed up just three decades ago, it is still a terrifying situation to live in.

Winnie, I don’t know where you live, but most governments have special Continue reading

0 Why I’m unkind to my spouse

barry asks: I have problems with my husband. I have a bad temper and whenever my husband asks me about something, I just answer him quarreling. And I lie to him a lot. What can I do to control this? I do love him a lot.

Hi barry –

I’m glad you say you love your husband.  And clearly he must love you too, if you’re as difficult as you describe!  So you’re starting from a good place!

My immediate sense is that there’s something you’re very uncomfortable about, and it makes you a little defensive.  After all, if you’re feeling fine about yourself, why would you react to him with anger, or often Continue reading

1 What to do when someone asks you for sex

Alana asks: A boy asked me for sex. What should I do?

Hi Alana –

Well, I’m going to assume, from your question, that you don’t think that having sex with him right now is a good idea.  So my first answer to you is that the best thing for you to do is to say “No.”  Clearly and unequivocally.

However, I don’t want to give the wrong view here.  The boy hasn’t done anything wrong.  He Continue reading

0 What to do when your parents say to change your attitude

Piper asks: My parents told me I need to change my attitude and that they don’t know what to do about it. They said I was going to have consequences unless I have a way to have them help me through it, but I don’t know how to have them help me. But I don’t want the consequences. I don’t know what to do!

Hi Piper –

It sounds to me like your parents want to change your attitude about something, but that you might not know what that is!  So it seems to me that the first step is to find that out.

Maybe they think you’re too demanding, expecting everything you want the moment you want it.  Maybe they think you’re too sullen, slumping around unhappily all the time and never showing any excitement or appreciation.  Maybe they think you’re too excitable and need to calm down some.  Maybe they think you’re too rebellious and never Continue reading