0 When should you loan friends money?

Coolb asks: A guy approached me through a common friend. He had my mob no (I don’t know how – I hardly know him). He kinda likes me – but frankly I think he’s after my money (he also asked for some financial help). We had some general talks for a while. What do you think I should do?

Hi Coolb –

There’s a very famous line from Shakespeare, advice a father gives to a son as he leaves home: “Neither a borrower nor a lender be.”  Now I believe in generosity and helping out everyone one can, but I also believe in being careful.

There’s a lot in this scenario that makes my nose twitch.  He had your phone number without your giving it to him, and then he’s asking you for money?  It sounds to me like he used your friend to get close to you, at least in part for that money.  Now he might be absolutely interested in you for yourself, too, but even if so…

Let’s look at the two possibilities.  First, he’s not really into you, and he’s just after your Continue reading

0 How to stop being the butt of your friends’ jokes

saf1 asks: For three years, I have been going out with a group of friends, and they often make fun of me and say that am ignorant and stupid. This is killing me from inside, and I am starting to think that maybe it is true. What should I do with these friends? Tell them about my problem? Or should I just go with it and believe that I really am stupid?

Hi saf1 –

Oh yucch!  This is truly distasteful!

Now I have no idea how little or how much you know.  Or how intelligent you are.  But I do know enough to say that if the people you go out with all the time are saying that you’re ignorant and stupid, that’s just awful!  What it sounds like is that they’ve put you into a “role” in their group, and that role is as the butt of their condescending humor.

If I’m right, the problem with that is that it’s almost impossible to break out of that role, as long as you’re in that group.  Some people try to break out of that kind of role by beating some of the members up (which might create some fear in them, which would at least slow down the insults), or to try to be so nice to each of them (giving them candies, etc.) that they’ll all be nicer to you.  The problem is, that last one doesn’t work very well, and of course getting into fights will get you into Continue reading

0 What to do when your best friend likes someone you hate

princess23 asks: Why do I get jealous of my guy best friend talking to the girl I hate with all my guts? Is this something I should worry about? Even though he always says he won’t ever change me for someone else, I still think that maybe she has something better. I really don’t want to lose him!

Hi princess23 –

Jealousy is about as normal an emotion as there is, and it’s not confined to you humans!  Believe me, I get livid when Handsome is petting another dog in front of me.  It’s not exactly that I’m worried, though – I just don’t like seeing it!

But having said that, the truth is that jealousy is also one of the most useless emotions we have!  And there is a big difference between saying “Hand off – he’s mine!” and worrying yourself sick about whether your friend or love is going to Continue reading

0 Why teachers act so bossy

lil girl asks: Why do teachers act so bossy?

Hi lil girl –

Why?  Because they’re the boss!

Okay, that’s too simple an answer.  But of course, they are the boss, in the classroom at least.  But we all know that some teachers are able to be the boss while speaking calmly, and being friendly and nurturing to their students; while others are cold and yell a lot, and spend all their time proving that their the boss.  Those are the bossy ones!

Well, funny as it may sound, the answer is probably that the calm ones are very confident that they’re the boss, while the bossy ones aren’t!  They feel they need to prove their toughness much Continue reading

1 How to get a shy boy to talk to you

Kritika asks: Thanks for your earlier answer, but you didn’t have the situation clear. Here it is: A boy came in my class to talk a guy, and all my friends were saying his name loudly, teasing me; he heard it all and he just stood there blushing, looking at me and smiling. Then again during my sports week he came to my friends’ group where I was sitting talking, and ignoring him, but I checked him many times starring at me. I told my friends that I should say “hi” at least to him, but they said “no don’t, or you will look like a wannabe or too easy!” I think he’s expecting me to go say hi or even to ask him out. What should I do?

Hi kritika –

Oh, this is all very good news!  I mean, I was thinking that he didn’t care about you much, but clearly, he likes you!

I understand your friends wanting you to “play hard to get,” but it sounds like he really doesn’t have the social knowledge of how to approach you (and your classmates aren’t making it any easier on the poor guy!).

The best thing I can think of is if you and he have any mutual friends, maybe you could talk to one of them, and explain that you like this guy but that he has to ‘be the boy’ and approach you!  Standing around grinning just won’t accomplish a Continue reading

0 How to tell a fake friend from a real one

Prettyndsweet12 asks: What is the difference between a real friend and a fake friend, and how can I tell my true friends and my fake friends???

Hi Prettyndsweet12 –

I wish I had an easy answer for you.  The truth is that you never know that someone’s a fake friend until it’s too late, and they’ve done something that hurts you.  And that can happen with a friend you’ve had for a week, or for ten years.  You just never Continue reading

0 What to do when your grades suddenly fall

ZeeTan99 asks: I am an A-grade student (13 yrs old) but the problem is that I’m pretty sure I’ll get a D or something in TWO SUBJECTS! Tomorrow I’m gonna get my report card, and I don’t know how I’m going to show it to my parents. I’m having nightmares about this, and I just can’t stop thinking about it. It’s got me really stressed you can’t imagine. So please please, tell me what to do. I’m very very confused and I could really use someone’s help.

Hi ZeeTan99 –

Oh I know that feeling!  It’s like when I was being perfectly good and quiet and watching out the window, and a cat suddenly appeared just outside, and I jumped up yelling and broke a pane of glass!  And I hadn’t meant to do it, but I knew Handsome was going to walk into the room and be very unhappy about it!  You’re in exactly the position I was in as I heard his footsteps approach the doorway!

But do you know what happened when he got to me?  Sure, he was shocked at what had happened.  But then he checked my nose and my paws, to make sure there wasn’t any glass in them, and then he put me out back, so I wouldn’t step on anything sharp, and then he cleaned all the glass up very carefully.  Because he was way more worried about me than he was upset about the broken glass.

Now sure, when he paid the glazier who repaired the pane, he did give me an exasperated look and mutter “You knucklehead!”  But overall, he reacted to my mistake with love and concern, not anger.

Now, there’s a good chance that, if you’re right about your grades, your parents will first react with Continue reading

0 What to do when someone you like is ignoring you

kritika asks: I am a 10th-grader, and I really like a guy in 12th, and he’s gonna graduate soon. I told my friend about him, and she told him about my feelings and gave me his number. We started msging. He knew what I felt for him and he was pretty cool with it. For a while we talked a lot (we even did some dirty talks for a while) but now he hardly replies. I think he’s ignoring me, and I really love him! What do you think I should do?

Hi kritika –

Thanks for your question about the boy at school.

This is a tough situation, and I’m sorry you’re finding yourself having to go through it.  I’m a big fan of face-to-face meetings, and this is a good example of why.  You see, messaging and texting are really easy, and one reason they are is that the person you’re talking with isn’t quite as “real” as they are in real life.  For example, you don’t have to deal with the fact that I rolled in a dead squirrel this morning, and I don’t have to deal with you being grossed out by the way I smell (which I consider better than the most expensive Continue reading

0 When and how to change schools

prettyndsweet12 asks: I’ve come to the conclusion that maybe if so many people at my school are continuing to be rude and mean to me, to the point where I can’t even get an education, then maybe I should just leave that school. How can I send the message to my mom that I am not happy where I am, and that I really want to leave? I’ve done this before, but, as you can see, I am still stuck in the same sticky situation, and I want out!

Hi prettyndsweet12 –

Oh I’m so sorry this situation hasn’t gotten any better!  Have you tried the things I suggested before?

If so, then I’m really of two opinions here (and that’s very difficult for a dog – our brains aren’t as big as yours, you know!).  On one hand, I will gladly give you some suggestions on how to talk to your mom about switching schools.  But on the other, I don’t know if it’s really worth the Continue reading

2 How to handle early sexual urges

Mandy asks: What is it with sex, that I keep on thinking about it? I dream of it every night and its scaring me. What should I do? I don’t want to lose my virginity, but I am thinking too much about it!

Hi Mandy –   Thanks for your very open and honest question.  I’m first going to suggest you read my post, responding to Angelbrat’s question about her survey on why teenagers think about sex so much.    So Mandy, beyond that, my general answer to your question is:  Why should you be different from every other teenager in the world?!  Of course you’re thinking about sex, dreaming about sex, and wanting it.   But there’s a great reason why these hormones don’t kick in till a kid reaches a certain age.  You see, if a little child felt these things, nothing would keep them from Continue reading