When should you loan friends money?

Coolb asks: A guy approached me through a common friend. He had my mob no (I don’t know how – I hardly know him). He kinda likes me – but frankly I think he’s after my money (he also asked for some financial help). We had some general talks for a while. What do you think I should do?

Hi Coolb –

There’s a very famous line from Shakespeare, advice a father gives to a son as he leaves home: “Neither a borrower nor a lender be.”  Now I believe in generosity and helping out everyone one can, but I also believe in being careful.

There’s a lot in this scenario that makes my nose twitch.  He had your phone number without your giving it to him, and then he’s asking you for money?  It sounds to me like he used your friend to get close to you, at least in part for that money.  Now he might be absolutely interested in you for yourself, too, but even if so…

Let’s look at the two possibilities.  First, he’s not really into you, and he’s just after your money.  Well, if so, then why in the world would you want to give it to him?  He’s lying to you and using you.  You’re worth more than that – you’re a Pack Member after all!

But the second version is that he really would like to be your boyfriend, and he truly needs the money.  That one’s a bit more difficult, but you need to ask yourself – “Do I want a boyfriend who’s asking me for money right away?”  Of course if you two are in a committed relationship, and he has a real need for something, you very well might want to help him out.  But if he’s asking for the money up front, what kind of boyfriend is he going to be?  Doesn’t he worry at least a bit about trying to impress you or your friends?  You probably wouldn’t show up for a date dressed in your worst clothes and not having washed in a few days, would you?  Well why is he showing this “less attractive” side of himself?  Unless it’s the way he plans to be all the time.

So I’m not going to tell you not to give the money, but I would recommend that you think hard about it before you give any.  It could be a really kind thing to do, but it also could make you feel really awful if it reveals him to be a big user.


Good Luck,



ps: I don’t go on dates, per se, but if I did, of course I’d absolutely love it if my date showed up unwashed and in old clothes!  So much more to smell!





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