Mandy asks: What is it with sex, that I keep on thinking about it? I dream of it every night and its scaring me. What should I do? I don’t want to lose my virginity, but I am thinking too much about it!
Hi Mandy – Thanks for your very open and honest question. I’m first going to suggest you read my post, responding to Angelbrat’s question about her survey on why teenagers think about sex so much. So Mandy, beyond that, my general answer to your question is: Why should you be different from every other teenager in the world?! Of course you’re thinking about sex, dreaming about sex, and wanting it. But there’s a great reason why these hormones don’t kick in till a kid reaches a certain age. You see, if a little child felt these things, nothing would keep them from acting on them all the time (just the way kids give in to tantrums, running around, crying, etc.). The fact that you’re struggling with your sexual desires shows that you are mature enough to handle them! The way you’re going to maintain your virginity as long as you want to, Mandy, is by wanting to. It’s that simple. You can avoid contact with anyone you’re attracted to, or you can go out and date and still insist on remaining a virgin. And you can do what lots of other people do, and set specific limits “I’ll do this but I won’t do that.” Probably the best thing is to take extra care in who you hang out with – not that you need to scorn and reject friends who would choose to have sex earlier than you would, but probably it’s best to spend more time with those who have your values. And especially, to date people who share your values, or at least show that they really strongly respect your right to them. I’m not trying to be overly simplistic here, Mandy. These urges are strong, and I know you’re in a tough position. And you’re doing a great job, even just by writing me to ask about it. Every day you are true to yourself, and to your values, is its own lesson in how to keep doing it. Learn from yourself, from your mistakes, and from your deepening sense of your own strength, and you’ll be fine. But the great news is, if and when you ever decide to give in to those desires, at a time and with someone you feel great about, your dreams today are telling you that you’ll have a glorious and wonderful experience of your earned and honorable sexuality. Cheers, and keep up the great work! Shirelle