kritika asks: I am a 10th-grader, and I really like a guy in 12th, and he’s gonna graduate soon. I told my friend about him, and she told him about my feelings and gave me his number. We started msging. He knew what I felt for him and he was pretty cool with it. For a while we talked a lot (we even did some dirty talks for a while) but now he hardly replies. I think he’s ignoring me, and I really love him! What do you think I should do?
Hi kritika –
Thanks for your question about the boy at school.
This is a tough situation, and I’m sorry you’re finding yourself having to go through it. I’m a big fan of face-to-face meetings, and this is a good example of why. You see, messaging and texting are really easy, and one reason they are is that the person you’re talking with isn’t quite as “real” as they are in real life. For example, you don’t have to deal with the fact that I rolled in a dead squirrel this morning, and I don’t have to deal with you being grossed out by the way I smell (which I consider better than the most expensive perfume!).
Similarly, my guess is that this boy had a lot of fun messaging with you, especially the naughty part, and then was done. You weren’t a real person in his eyes. Any more than if he’d had that same conversation in an internet chat room.
The problem, of course, is that you are a real person, a very real person – flesh and blood and emotions and hurt feelings! And so now if you walk up to him and start a conversation, you’ll be coming from that place of hurt, while he’s going to be coming from… well, if he’s a good guy, a bit of embarrassment. And neither hurt nor embarrassment is going to create the relationship you’re hoping for.
So I hate to sound negative, kritika, but my guess is that you need to let this one go. You can certainly walk up to him and have a conversation (I think it’d be the best thing), and maybe you and he can create a friendship that can continue after he leaves school. And it’s even possible that, over time, you and he could connect in a romantic way. But just for now, I’m not sure how you could do that.
So here’s my thought. Walk up to him in the hallway at school, covering up your hurt feelings completely, give him a playful smack on the behind (if you dare!) and tell him he’s boring. When he asks why, tell him you haven’t gotten any good messages from him for a long time, give a big yawn, and walk away. If he writes you that night, all’s cool, and you can start your relationship again on a different note (this time, make sure you two meet up!). But if not, again, I hate to be the one to say it, but you and he just might not end up becoming a couple.
The good thing, either way, is that you’re young, and this is a great learning experience. Whether you end up using what you’ve learned with him or someone else.