Category Archives for "Teens"

0 What to do when someone you’ve rejected won’t take no for an answer

Jerry asks: A boy proposed to me one year ago and I said no to him. But he continuously sent me messages, so I replied to some of them to make him understand that we can’t be in a relationship, as my family is so conservative and I’m not interested in all these things; I have to focus on my study. But he doesn’t understand this and he emotionally tortures me by saying that I am so arrogant, I have so much attitude. How do I make him understand that he should stop sending me messages because it disturbs me? We have talked so many times on this topic, and at the end he agreed that he would not send me messages again, but he didn’t stop messaging me. I’m tired of him and I have a fear that if someone in my family reads his message then I’ll have to face a big problem. My family is so strict I can’t talk to them on this matter. I have blocked him, but still his message shows on my phone’s notification. I’m 17 years old and he is also 17. We studied together, but now we are in different cities due to studies. We never talked in childhood, but just studied together. He stole my number from my friends mobile. Please suggest what should I do.

Hi Jerry –

Well I have an easy answer for you, but you’ve already done it.

I get a lot of letters from people with strict families, trying to figure out how to handle the fact that they love someone their family doesn’t accept.  But that’s not you.

I get a lot of letters from people who have someone pursuing them who just doesn’t understand their need to study or work, but they’d love to be with them otherwise.  But that’s not you either.

This boy has been hostile, insulting, and completely disregarding of your requests to stop messaging you.  The one great thing about your letter is that I’m SO happy you said no when he proposed!  Can you imagine what he’d be like to live with?!  I just want to bite him more with each sentence I read here!

So I would have told you to block him.  But you have.  And that’s the part I don’t understand.

We dogs don’t understand technology at all – only a few of us have figured out how open a doorknob (my human is very  happy I have not mastered that ability!).  But doesn’t blocking a person mean their communications don’t come through at all?  I would suggest you contact your phone company to find out how to block his messages completely – so nothing  comes through.  Not his words, not a notification that he wrote, nothing!

On the other hand, I would also think that your strict family might come into use here.  Parents aren’t usually strict because they don’t care about their kids; it’s because they care so much and want to protect them from everything (sometimes to a point that isn’t good for the kid).  So I would think that if, say, your father, or a brother, saw one of these nasty texts, and especially saw that you had been trying to put this boy off for a while, they might get extremely angry – at him, not you – and go do something about it!

Now I’m not in favor of violence, but someone telling this guy to stop what he’s been doing, and maybe scaring him a bit… I kind of like that!

So you might want to save the messages you’ve gotten, just in case you’ll need them later.  But for now, again, I’d just say to contact your phone company and find out how to shut this nonsense DOWN!

And later, when you’re ready to get involved with someone, and you find someone just great, who treasures you and treats you right… OH are you going to be glad this jerk is out of your life!!

All my best,

Shirelle

0 Does my boyfriend/girlfriend love me enough? AND How to help a new father commit fully.

flowerhotmami asks: I am wondering if my boyfriend loves me enough. We have a beautiful daughter, she’s 5 months old now. I found out that he was flirting with other girls back when I was pregnant, and even asked someone on a date. I was asking if he has plans to marry me, but all he would tell me was he wants us to be prepared financially and emotionally. Before I got pregnant we were almost 2 years in a relationship. When I found out about him cheating on me I still gave him another chance, because he asked to and he was sorry he said. And I love him and want my baby to have a complete family. But again, does he love me enough that he will really marry me?

Hi flowerhotmami –

You’re asking a great question.  One which I can’t begin to answer – I have no idea what he feels (I’m a very smart dog but I’m not psychic).

But I want to talk about something else.  He may very well love you to the moon and back.  But he’s not doing a great job of committing.

This is very normal.  Long ago I heard of some study that said that the time men are most likely to cheat is when their wives or girlfriends are pregnant.  In fact, it’s specifically when the women are in the hospital to have the baby!  Just when you’d think a man would feel the most attached and concerned.

And here’s the big point – it is  when they’re feeling attached and concerned!  The problem is that the feeling –  the awareness of oncoming responsibility, the knowledge that nothing will ever be the same again for them, the realization that they might be about to love more deeply than they ever have before – scares them!  And yeah, that’s pretty scary when you think about it!

I have a friend named Aria who I’ve written about here before.  She’s a very sweet dog, and lives in a wonderful home now but came from a past full of abuse and abandonment.  Every day, her human comes home from work and they run to each other and hug and kiss and yowl and just have a great celebration.  And then, suddenly, Aria will run, either outdoors or into her crate.  Why?  Did her human hurt her?  Did she suddenly doubt her safety or that she’s loved?  No, it’s that her brain explodes, her emotions are too big for her to handle.  So she needs to hibernate for a bit.

So if your boyfriend does love you as much as he says, his silly flirting and trying to get a date, my guess is, were just him running into his crate!

(and let’s give BIG thanks and congratulations to whoever that was who told him “No!”  Particularly if they said “What?!  Are you out of your mind?!  Get your butt home to flowerhotmami, fool!”)

Now as you’ve found, asking him if he loves you really doesn’t get you what you need right now.  Instead, your job is to help him grow up a little.

The fact is, you’re completely committed to him.  You even have a baby with him.  You don’t need him to be rich or fully mature, you’re committed to him now.  And you need him to show some commitment back.

So a few things he could do would be – Continue reading

0 What to do if a more attractive guy is after your girlfriend

AayuTheLegend asks: I have a boy in school who is trying to win my girl over. And I think he is good at it. He can attract her pretty easily, and I want you to help me. I am not the kind of guy who would go up and fight someone; I am the kind of guy who is sweet and caring. I have told him to back off many times, but he just doesn’t listen.

Hi AayuTheLegend –

Well this is an awfully interesting development!  You just won this girl over, and now suddenly this other guy is trying to muscle in?

I’ll confess, I am the sort who’d react with violence.  But just a little.

See, when my human friend Handsome pets another dog, especially if he really gives it a good cuddle, I go nuts.  I’ll run up to that pooch and completely dominate it, growling and jumping on it, just to let it know, “Hey, that man is MINE!”  It’s not really fair, I know; it wasn’t the dog’s fault Handsome thought it was so cute.  But still I make my point clear!

But I think you’re smarter to not go that direction.  For two reasons.

First, you can get in trouble, with a school or even the law, for beating up on this guy.

But second, it makes you look insecure.  And specifically, insecure about your girlfriend’s feelings.

YOU WON HER, my friend!  She’s with you!  What would be the message to her if you went after that guy?  That you don’t trust her?  That you know he’s better and more appealing than you?  That she has to worry about any guy being friendly to her because you’ll go after them?

How much better for you to Continue reading

0 What to do when you’re jealous about your boyfriend or girlfriend’s interest in someone else

Manuu asks: I have been wanting to date a girl a very long time, but she told me she has someone else she loves. But I can’t comprehend that in my head, because I love her way too much. Any time she talks about that guy I get so jealous and mad that even, a lot of time, I cry. I really do love her and don’t wanna leave her. What should I do?

Hi Manuu –

Oh I so understand where you’re coming from!  I’ll see my human friend Handsome fall in love with a woman, and get all obsessive about her, and I just can’t understand what he’s doing when I’m available and so in love with him, and always ready to play and cuddle and go wherever he wants – and those women are never as accepting as I am!

But the fact is, it doesn’t really matter how much you or I love someone; they feel what they feel, and that’s all there is to it.

But you can do what I do, which is to be the best friend in the world.  And that can work out, because if their romance doesn’t work out (and so far, Handsome’s never have!), we’re there to help them afterwards.

Now in my case, I’ve never been actually rejected by Handsome; he still loves and lives with me while he’s going crazy about these women.  Whereas you’re stuck in the “friend zone,” which I know feels lousy.

But if you can get her to value you enough, then maybe she’ll come to her senses and realize that you’ll make a far better boyfriend than that jerk!

So even though you’re jealous and angry, just try to be as kind and supportive as you can.  Don’t pretend to not care for her (or she’ll think you don’t), but let your love become a wish for her to be happy no matter what.

And if this other guy isn’t as kind as that, he’ll make you look SO GOOD!

In fact, there’s another funny thing that could happen to you, that does happen with me occasionally.  Handsome will put up with all sorts of nonsense a woman does (putting him down, flaking out on him, guilt-tripping him), but if she in any way questions his feelings for me, or especially if she suggests he should get rid of me or treat me worse… oh that’s when he BLOWS UP!  Here I’m being so great to him, and she’s complaining that I’m not good enough?  Nope, he’ll end up breaking up with her for it.

So imagine if you’re such a great friend to this girl, and her boyfriend gets jealous of YOU!, and tells her to cut you out of her life… and she responds by cutting HIM out instead!

It’s not impossible.  I’ve seen it a few times!

So see if you can do it.  If you’re just too angry, then maybe it’s impossible.  But if not, if you can allow her to have her feelings while staying as lovable as possible…  oh this could work out beautifully!

Let me know how it goes!

Shirelle

0 Should parents treat teenagers like adults or children?

Cheeky asks: I’m 19 and I have a boyfriend whom currently I’ve been having problems with when it comes to my mom. Mom is always on our nerves and doesn’t want us together so she is kinda trying to destroy our relationship. She doesn’t want to accept that I’m a grown-up now and that I have a say when it comes to anything that I do. She treats me as if I’m a 10-year-old and I don’t like that at all. I just want to live a normal life whereby they consider my opinion and choices too. What should I do to make Mom accept the fact that I really do love him and that I’m now grown up, because it’s really stressing me up?

Hi Cheeky –

Okay, I’m going to take BOTH sides of this one.  Sorry, but that’s what we dogs are like – we like everyone!

First of all, of course you’re right.  You have a relationship that’s just right for you right now, and your mom is trying to get in the way of it, treating you like a child.  She’s missing the fact that you need to grow in order to learn from experience.  I’ll guess she’s hoping you get married someday.  Well, wouldn’t she prefer you know some things about boys and yourself before you make that giant commitment?  Wouldn’t she want you to be more sophisticated than you were at age ten?

So yes, she should give you the space to have this relationship.

But Second… while you feel you’re fully grown, you’re still young.  Your brain will be developing for another five years or so.  You are at a glorious stage of life, full of passions and excitement, which can lead you into some not-so-great places.  And you will change over the next ten years.  Possibly a lot.

So where does that leave us?  I’d say that your mom is doing what she thinks is best, and her intentions are great, but she just Continue reading

0 What is Crazy Love?

Jhalli asks: When you answered my last question, you mentioned CRAZY LOVE! Can you explain what crazy love is?

Hi Jhali –

You mean when I talked about the love Handsome and I have for each other?

Well, when I say “Crazy,” I mean that it’s love that’s so strong it takes us out of our usual minds.

For example, one time he left town and I had to stay at a doggy-day-care.  And this was a really nice one, where they let me stay in a fenced-in area with some other dogs, where we could sit on furniture and have a good time.  And it was fine.  But when he came back to get me, and I saw him, I lost control, and climbed up the chain-link fence, terrifying the staffers who thought I’d cut myself on the top.  I just couldn’t wait for them to let me out – I’d missed him so much!

And on his side?  Oh wow, he’s written a book about me, talks about me all the time… as he wrote once, I have “ruled and tickled” his heart since the day we met.  And has he had girlfriends who’ve gotten jealous?  Jealous of a DOG, mind you – not exactly someone he has romantic eyes for!  Heck YES they’ve gotten jealous!  Because they see his crazy love for me, and the love he gets back.

I’ll be honest with you, Jhalli.  If it’s not “Crazy Love,” then it’s just respect and affection.  (Which is a wonderful thing; don’t get me wrong!)

Love IS crazy, when it’s real.

I can’t wait till you get knocked off your feet by just that!

All my best,

Shirelle

0 How to handle slut shame for having had boyfriends

Loser asks: I’m from a very small and conservative country. Our society is very complicated. Here boys and girls even can’t talk properly. Our school isn’t combined. But apart from that we all contact with each other in social media. I had a boyfriend. At first everything was so good. We met secretly and those memories – gosh! I don’t know what love is but if it exists then I loved him a lot. He broke up with me a lot of times, but then when he came back and apologized I always forgave him. But a week ago suddenly he stopped talking to me. I thought he was in a depression, but 3 days ago he compared me with his ex. And yesterday he hurt me by his words. I want to forget him, but I can’t. I love him so much. And he was my 3rd boyfriend. It was my last attempt. If I fail this time, our so called conservative school and those girls and boys will slut-shame me. I can’t find anyone good. I don’t know what to do.

Hi Loser –

Okay, so let me start by saying I hate   having said “Hi Loser!”  That sounds like I’m insulting you, and I don’t feel that way toward you at all!  (Tell you what, how about, if you write me back, please say, just once, “Hello you stinking fleabag mutt!” Then I’ll feel much better!)

So onto your questions.

First of all, I’m sorry about this guy, but yes, these things do happen – especially on social media.  And especially when the people are young, which it sounds like you are.

So in terms of forgetting him, I know that won’t be easy, especially as you had such a great time with him and aren’t seeing other boys enough.  But my advice is to then do as many things as you can with your friends:  Hang out with the girls you go to school with, even ones you normally wouldn’t call your closest friends.  Watch movies, listen to music, just anything you can do that is fun.  You won’t forget him of course, but you will get other things into your mind, and hopefully meet more people, maybe even a better guy.

Now in terms of him being your third boyfriend, I can tell you that a lot of people (maybe more in other countries) would say that’s great!  They wouldn’t call you a “slut,” they’d call you popular!  So many girls who spend their nights alone wishing the phone would ring would do ANYTHING to have had three boyfriends before leaving high school!  Think of it like if someone told you they felt bad for having had three friends, or having read three books, or having visited three countries!

Now there might be questions about Continue reading

0 What to do when someone complains you’re too possessive

mr. mister asks: I’m in 10th, and had a crush on a girl, so I started my friendship with her and eventually we got close. But she was still not ready to accept me as her mate, because she was dumped by another guy and was in pain and hadn’t overcome it. I thought that I should give her time and support her whenever she needed (she is a very joyful girl), but after two months Christmas arrived, and I don’t know why, but she stopped talking to me. I was like “why the heck are you ignoring me?” I tried to contact her best friend, because she wasn’t replying to me. After two days or three I received her text to stop calling her, “because if my parents get to know about this then I won’t be able to talk to you in my entire life.” I asked her to reply and talk to me, she said she didn’t feel she could date me, and I said “dude , you said yes to me two weeks before.” She told me that she wanted to reject me in a polite way – just because I was getting a little possessive about her, making her mad at me. Now if I am her boy, then I will be possessive, because I don’t want anyone to hurt her again. So was I wrong at any point of time? Now she has stopped talking to me, but I want to talk to her and again get close to her because I think that she was my lucky chap and i used to live to the fullest. And now I keep thinking about her, and my board exams are also approaching and I am unable to concentrate. Please help me so that I can score well and also get her back in my life?

Hi mr. mister –

Oh this is such a tough situation!

I deal with this all the time.  Some humans like it when I jump on them, some hate that but like getting lots of kisses, and some find dog-kisses gross.  In each case, I just want to be friendly, but it’s hard to know how to show that to someone unless you know exactly what they like and don’t like.

I’ve known humans who consider it rejection if the person they’re with isn’t possessive of them.  Others like it, or tolerate it… or absolutely hate it.  And there’s no way of knowing until you get in there and try it out.

So this woman is VERY intolerant of it.  She clearly can’t tolerate even the idea of you being possessive of her (since you hadn’t had the chance to show it much!).

So when you ask if you were wrong at any point, the answer is yes – what you did bothered her – but I don’t know that you could have known any better.   It actually sounds to me like you’ve been very polite and tolerant with her.  (But who cares what I think?  I’m totally cool with my human taking me out on a leash!)

The question now is what to Continue reading

0 Can love stories really come true?

Jhalli asks: I ‘m fond of watching romantic dramas and web series and reading romantic novels. There are several love stories I saw. I feel that hopefully, these love stories can happen in my life also. My friends say I’m living in a fantasy world. Is it possible that love stories can happen in the real world or maybe in my life, like in the series? Does a pure love exist in the real world also?

Hi Jhalli –

Well I hope it’s not breaking news when I tell you that rarely is real life as pretty  as it exists on the screen.  I’m no judge of human beauty, but I do know that the world is full of hospitals and there isn’t one where the whole staff is as good-looking as they are on Grey’s Anatomy!   So if you’re asking if real life is going to give you romances with perfect gorgeous people who never sweat or have a runny nose or get spinach stuck in their teeth… then no.  Sorry to disappoint.

But if you’re asking if love, wild love, passionate love, timeless love, crazy love, lovely love, can exist, I am here to tell you it absolutely can and does.

As a first example, I’ll use myself.  Now the love between a dog and a person might not be what you had in mind from those novels, but believe me, my Handsome and I are CRAAAAAAAZY  about each other.  We think of each other all the time, we love the touch and sight and smell of each other… and we are so close that when one of us gets hurt or sick, the other develops the symptoms.  One night I was attacked by an angry dog, and that whole night, Handsome kept waking up from nightmares where it was him getting attacked!  And he often coos into my ear, “No one has ever loved anything more than I love my knucklehead!” And I think he’s right.

But when it comes to love between humans…  There’s a reason those romance stories have been so popular for the history of humanity, and that’s that yes, they are based in a reality.  People do  fall in love with each other, people do  stay faithful to each other…

And yes, real life also offers uncountable complications!  Love can be one-sided, a person can betray their lover, people cheat, people lose interest, people become less attractive… all these things happen all the time.

But aren’t those exactly what happens in those books and movies and series you adore?  (Otherwise the stories would be really dull: “He and she met and fell in love and never looked at another person and lived in total happiness till they died a century later.”  Borrrrrrring!)

The trick for you is, when you find someone to have a relationship with, to Continue reading

0 What to do when your boyfriend or girlfriend encourages you to date others

Jewell asks: My boyfriend of 2 years told me, after I gained admission to university, that I should try other guys and enjoy myself in school, so as not to be blinded by my love for him. He told me he wants to be part of my world, not my whole world. That I should be focused in school and achieve something. He is far away from me but we don’t talk always, as he said we shouldn’t always talk. He said he loves me so much but if I was around I would have been his whole world. I’m confused I don’t know what to think anymore.

Hi Jewell –

I have a few reactions to this.  First, it definitely does sound like he truly cares about you, and wants the best for you, and that’s a great thing, no matter what.

Second, it’s clear he wants you to live your life as well as possible.   Again, that’s great.

Third, it sounds like he’s worried that being fully attached to him would hold you back.  Which again shows him to be a good guy, but isn’t exactly how you feel about the relationship!

Which leads me to number Four, which is kind of funny.  Because he is working so hard to let go of controlling you, but in so doing, he’s actually being very  controlling!  It’s not you who’s saying you want freedom to date, or to focus more in school, or to talk less; it’s him!  And all for your sake!

And this all puts you in a tough place.  It would be awful to argue to him that he’s wrong, that you do  want him to be your whole world and for you to be his – and then suddenly get focused on school and want to date new guys and all that!  But it’s also tough to just say “Okay, thanks for the freedom,” and go off to do things you don’t really care about!

So here’s my suggestion.  First, point out my Continue reading