Jerry asks: A boy proposed to me one year ago and I said no to him. But he continuously sent me messages, so I replied to some of them to make him understand that we can’t be in a relationship, as my family is so conservative and I’m not interested in all these things; I have to focus on my study. But he doesn’t understand this and he emotionally tortures me by saying that I am so arrogant, I have so much attitude. How do I make him understand that he should stop sending me messages because it disturbs me? We have talked so many times on this topic, and at the end he agreed that he would not send me messages again, but he didn’t stop messaging me. I’m tired of him and I have a fear that if someone in my family reads his message then I’ll have to face a big problem. My family is so strict I can’t talk to them on this matter. I have blocked him, but still his message shows on my phone’s notification. I’m 17 years old and he is also 17. We studied together, but now we are in different cities due to studies. We never talked in childhood, but just studied together. He stole my number from my friends mobile. Please suggest what should I do.
Hi Jerry –
Well I have an easy answer for you, but you’ve already done it.
I get a lot of letters from people with strict families, trying to figure out how to handle the fact that they love someone their family doesn’t accept. But that’s not you.
I get a lot of letters from people who have someone pursuing them who just doesn’t understand their need to study or work, but they’d love to be with them otherwise. But that’s not you either.
This boy has been hostile, insulting, and completely disregarding of your requests to stop messaging you. The one great thing about your letter is that I’m SO happy you said no when he proposed! Can you imagine what he’d be like to live with?! I just want to bite him more with each sentence I read here!
So I would have told you to block him. But you have. And that’s the part I don’t understand.
We dogs don’t understand technology at all – only a few of us have figured out how open a doorknob (my human is very happy I have not mastered that ability!). But doesn’t blocking a person mean their communications don’t come through at all? I would suggest you contact your phone company to find out how to block his messages completely – so nothing comes through. Not his words, not a notification that he wrote, nothing!
On the other hand, I would also think that your strict family might come into use here. Parents aren’t usually strict because they don’t care about their kids; it’s because they care so much and want to protect them from everything (sometimes to a point that isn’t good for the kid). So I would think that if, say, your father, or a brother, saw one of these nasty texts, and especially saw that you had been trying to put this boy off for a while, they might get extremely angry – at him, not you – and go do something about it!
Now I’m not in favor of violence, but someone telling this guy to stop what he’s been doing, and maybe scaring him a bit… I kind of like that!
So you might want to save the messages you’ve gotten, just in case you’ll need them later. But for now, again, I’d just say to contact your phone company and find out how to shut this nonsense DOWN!
And later, when you’re ready to get involved with someone, and you find someone just great, who treasures you and treats you right… OH are you going to be glad this jerk is out of your life!!
All my best,