How to handle slut shame for having had boyfriends

Loser asks: I’m from a very small and conservative country. Our society is very complicated. Here boys and girls even can’t talk properly. Our school isn’t combined. But apart from that we all contact with each other in social media. I had a boyfriend. At first everything was so good. We met secretly and those memories – gosh! I don’t know what love is but if it exists then I loved him a lot. He broke up with me a lot of times, but then when he came back and apologized I always forgave him. But a week ago suddenly he stopped talking to me. I thought he was in a depression, but 3 days ago he compared me with his ex. And yesterday he hurt me by his words. I want to forget him, but I can’t. I love him so much. And he was my 3rd boyfriend. It was my last attempt. If I fail this time, our so called conservative school and those girls and boys will slut-shame me. I can’t find anyone good. I don’t know what to do.

Hi Loser –


Okay, so let me start by saying I hate   having said “Hi Loser!”  That sounds like I’m insulting you, and I don’t feel that way toward you at all!  (Tell you what, how about, if you write me back, please say, just once, “Hello you stinking fleabag mutt!” Then I’ll feel much better!)


So onto your questions.


First of all, I’m sorry about this guy, but yes, these things do happen – especially on social media.  And especially when the people are young, which it sounds like you are.


So in terms of forgetting him, I know that won’t be easy, especially as you had such a great time with him and aren’t seeing other boys enough.  But my advice is to then do as many things as you can with your friends:  Hang out with the girls you go to school with, even ones you normally wouldn’t call your closest friends.  Watch movies, listen to music, just anything you can do that is fun.  You won’t forget him of course, but you will get other things into your mind, and hopefully meet more people, maybe even a better guy.


Now in terms of him being your third boyfriend, I can tell you that a lot of people (maybe more in other countries) would say that’s great!  They wouldn’t call you a “slut,” they’d call you popular!  So many girls who spend their nights alone wishing the phone would ring would do ANYTHING to have had three boyfriends before leaving high school!  Think of it like if someone told you they felt bad for having had three friends, or having read three books, or having visited three countries!


Now there might be questions about what you’ve done with those three boys, which goes against the values of your school and culture.  I don’t know what you have or haven’t done, and can’t really comment on that (as a dog, I don’t look down on anyone for what they have or haven’t done.  I just want you happy and safe).  But if people are putting you down just for having had three boyfriends (as opposed for what you might have done with them), I’ll say they’re simply CRAZY!


I get letters all the time from people who married young, to their first boyfriend or girlfriend, and are miserable about it.  As they’ve matured, they’ve found they have little in common with that person, and might not even like them.  More often, they find their spouse’s friends or families are mean to them, and they’re STUCK with them, forever.


You’re doing the opposite.  You’re having good and bad experiences, and getting out of some relationships when they turn sour.


I couldn’t wish anything more for you!!!


I hope you’re learning, each time, things that you like and want, and others you don’t like and don’t want.  I also hope you’ve been learning what foods you like and don’t, what sorts of movies you like and don’t, all that!


So if you’re right, and some people “slut-shame” you for this relationship not lasting forever, just tell them they’re wrong.  That you’re lucky to have “dodged a bullet” by it ending.


And that you’re looking for that one guy, that one special, wonderful guy, who deserves you, and will be yours, and you his, forever and ever.


While they’re stuck with the boy who asked them out when they were twelve.


And I think you’ll find they get pretty jealous of you then! And want to be more like you!


All my best, Winner!


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