What to do when someone complains you’re too possessive

mr. mister asks: I’m in 10th, and had a crush on a girl, so I started my friendship with her and eventually we got close. But she was still not ready to accept me as her mate, because she was dumped by another guy and was in pain and hadn’t overcome it. I thought that I should give her time and support her whenever she needed (she is a very joyful girl), but after two months Christmas arrived, and I don’t know why, but she stopped talking to me. I was like “why the heck are you ignoring me?” I tried to contact her best friend, because she wasn’t replying to me. After two days or three I received her text to stop calling her, “because if my parents get to know about this then I won’t be able to talk to you in my entire life.” I asked her to reply and talk to me, she said she didn’t feel she could date me, and I said “dude , you said yes to me two weeks before.” She told me that she wanted to reject me in a polite way – just because I was getting a little possessive about her, making her mad at me. Now if I am her boy, then I will be possessive, because I don’t want anyone to hurt her again. So was I wrong at any point of time? Now she has stopped talking to me, but I want to talk to her and again get close to her because I think that she was my lucky chap and i used to live to the fullest. And now I keep thinking about her, and my board exams are also approaching and I am unable to concentrate. Please help me so that I can score well and also get her back in my life?

Hi mr. mister –


Oh this is such a tough situation!


I deal with this all the time.  Some humans like it when I jump on them, some hate that but like getting lots of kisses, and some find dog-kisses gross.  In each case, I just want to be friendly, but it’s hard to know how to show that to someone unless you know exactly what they like and don’t like.


I’ve known humans who consider it rejection if the person they’re with isn’t possessive of them.  Others like it, or tolerate it… or absolutely hate it.  And there’s no way of knowing until you get in there and try it out.


So this woman is VERY intolerant of it.  She clearly can’t tolerate even the idea of you being possessive of her (since you hadn’t had the chance to show it much!).


So when you ask if you were wrong at any point, the answer is yes – what you did bothered her – but I don’t know that you could have known any better.   It actually sounds to me like you’ve been very polite and tolerant with her.  (But who cares what I think?  I’m totally cool with my human taking me out on a leash!)


The question now is what to do next.  If you still think she’s worth pursuing, you could apologize to her for making her feel that way, give it some time, and try to re-befriend her and slowly see if you can get closer.


But I’m not sure that’s what would be best for you.


Crushes are fun, and perfect in their own way, because as long as it’s a crush there are no relationship issues.  For example, over the past decade, more girls have probably had crushes on Justin Bieber than anyone else.  He’s perfect in their eyes.  And that’s fine.  Though we know he can be a very difficult person in actuality.


My sense is that you can do better, mr. mister!  I think there are women out there who would appreciate your caring and concern, and would love to be treated the way you treated this woman.  Maybe she doesn’t want a boyfriend, maybe she wants someone different from you, and maybe she just needs lots of distance from anyone in her life (which would explain how her last relationship went bad – or it’s a feeling she developed after being dominated by that other guy before).  In any of these cases, wouldn’t you prefer to be with someone else?  Someone who treated you better?!


But if you still think it’s worth a try, I’m all for it.  Just be ready to adjust to whatever her requests are – and there might be a lot.


Best of luck either way!


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