Category Archives for "School"

0 How to meet new people at college

arjai101 asks: Being at this technical university is incredibly lonely. I’m not truly a part of high school, but I’m also not truly in college either. It’s incredibly isolating. I go hours on end without talking to other people. The only time I talk to people is when I go to the rock climbing gym on campus once a week. I almost always meet people there and have a great time talking and climbing and all, but I never see those people again. I feel weird asking for their contact information as everyone is so much older than me, and I’m only 16. It feels like I’m doing something I shouldn’t be because these people are actual adults, which I sometimes forget. I’ve met only one other student like me on campus, and he’s in one of my classes. At first, we talked quite a bit. But after the first week, we stopped talking altogether; we don’t even really sit next to each other anymore. I think maybe he just talked to me because at the beginning of the class I seemed really smart or whatever because I answered like one really hard question. And, everyone was all impressed. Everyone was sort of initiating conversation with me then because they thought maybe I would give them an advantage. But after that all died down, no one pays me the time of the day. Even when I wave at them outside of class, it’s kind of an awkward thing. Also, the other dual-enrollment student is only part-time and I’m full-time, and he’s a year older than me, so I guess that’s a barrier. But, it wouldn’t kill to at least pretend like we know each other. Anyhow…I’m not offended by any of it at all. I just feel incredibly lonely and isolated, that’s all. All in all, I’m still happier at Georgia Tech than I ever was at my high school. It just has its cons. Maybe if I lived on campus, I’d feel more a part of everything. Trying to stay positive because I know I made the right decision leaving my high school. I’m just trying to figure out how to meet other people.

Hi arjai101 –

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – I’m so impressed with your journey! Do you have any idea how many 16-year-olds would have been too frightened to try what you’re doing?

So I’m in the tough place of, at the same time, saluting your bravery and acknowledging that what you’re going through is exactly what we could have guessed you’d go through. None of this is really a surprise – even to you.

Here’s what I think is the main issue. Every new student at the school feels just as new, nervous, and alone as you. Or at least they did when they first got there. Then each of them found whatever connections they could – maybe they made one or two friends in their dormitory hall and have stuck with them; maybe they joined a fraternity or sorority or some other social group; maybe they joined a group based on their interests (political, cultural, religious). But – and here’s the tough part – they then tend to get comfortable with those people. “I’ve done the hard part of reaching out to someone new, now I have my peeps, so it’s too difficult to keep doing that!”

And I might be wrong on this, but I’m going to guess that this is even more true at a technical university than at one full of people entering political science and theater and other, more social, subjects.

So in other words, I’m agreeing with you. You still made the right choice, but your not living on campus, and perhaps your age (not that you’re too immature, but some of them might feel “oh she wouldn’t find the things I like interesting; she’s too young” or maybe even “she’s too brilliant to find me interesting!”), get in the way of people getting to know you.

So my best suggestion – really my only one for right now – is to Continue reading

0 What a teen should do if they fall in love with their teacher

Akasa asks: I like my physics teacher a lot but he is married and has 2 children what should I do

Hi Akasa –

It’s funny, just today I also got a question from someone who is in love with a boy at her school, and knows he loves her too, but he has a girlfriend. So I had lots of advice about how to bide her time and be in the position to possibly get him to herself later.

I’m not saying those things to you.  For a big reason.

Crushes can be really painful, I know. And teachers can be so charismatic and exciting (and so much more mature than the boys in your class). But one of two truths exist here: A) Nothing will ever happen between you and him. Or B) Something could happen, which would be absolutely horrible for both of you.

If a teacher (even if he’s unmarried and childless) has any sort of a romance with a student, he’s likely to lose his career. And rightly so – he’d be taking advantage of your normal, beautiful, young feelings. A good teacher can be a great way for you to develop a sense of what kind of person you’d like to be involved with, while keeping safe by not in any way approaching you. Teachers who get involved with their students are accused of “using” them, manipulating them, and, yes, molesting them. You don’t want any of these things in your life.

And beyond all that, he’s married with kids. If he’s a good guy, he is very loyal to them, and would never stray, even if you weren’t his student and younger than him.

In fact, this reminds me of a beautiful movie Handsome showed me once, called The Age of Innocence. A woman with a horrible, abusive husband falls in love with a very good man, whose young bride isn’t nearly as interesting as this woman, and they almost have an affair, but the woman calls it off, because the quality that she loves most in this man – that he’s more moral and caring than the other guys she sees in her society – would be ruined if they had the affair. She’d literally lose her love by acting on it!

So while, again, I understand that your love for this man hurts, the fact is that not only are you looking at a probably hopeless situation, but also I really hope it’s completely hopeless!

And I hope that, soon, some age-appropriate, single boy, who isn’t nearly as mature or brilliant or charismatic as that teacher, wins your heart and makes you feel like you’re flying past the moon!

(Which as your teacher can tell you, is very difficult because of the gravitational pull where objects fall at 32 feet per second squared and….)

Heh heh. Hey, how often does a pooch come up with a physics joke? I’m so proud of that one I’m going to go outside and bark at a squirrel.

But I wish I could do what I really want, which is to jump on you and give you so many licks in the face that you’re able to feel better about all this.

Which I’m sure you will soon.

All my best,

Shirelle

0 How to deal with having a special-needs sibling

Starlight asks: My big brother is two years older than me. He has a disability that makes it hard for him to talk. He can talk but he can’t say the words right so you can’t understand him a lot. We go to the same school. He is grade 6 and I am in grade 4. Why is his schoolwork a lot easier than mine? His work is like grade 1 work. I am on a higher reading level too. He still reads books with pictures in them. His homework is so much easier then mine. The kids at school are mean to him and he doesn’t have many friends, so I some times feel sad for him. My mum and dad treat us different. I don’t know why but I feel like I am older and he is more like my little brother.

Hi Starlight –

I don’t know anything about your brother except what you’ve told me, of course, but it sounds to me like you’re right – in a lot of ways you are the older one. But I’ll change that and say, you’re the more highly developed one.

Let me explain what I mean. If you and I were born on the same day, we’d have both begun as helpless little infants. But a month later, you’d still have been a helpless, gurgling baby, while I’d have started walking already. And by the time we were six months old, you’d be maybe starting to crawl, while I was running laps around the yard, and starting training classes where I’d learn about ten words. And when we were each a year, you’d be just starting to walk, and I’d already be my full adult size. So I would have been far more developed than you.

But then, you’d have started to pass me waaaay by. You’d start talking, which I still can’t do. And while your walking wouldn’t be as graceful as mine yet, you’d have kept learning more, to the degree that by the time we were three or four years old, you could start dancing school if you wanted, or karate classes, or tennis lessons – none of which I could do. I really stopped my development by age one, except in some emotional maturity, which I reached around age five. Which is when you would be starting school and learning to read, write, do mathematics… and on and on it goes.

My point is that age isn’t really all that important. There are other differences between us that matter more, in terms of development. So sure, your brother was born first. But he has some developmental issues (though I can’t say what they are) that have hurt his speaking abilities, and have the school believing that he’s not capable of the same level of schoolwork you are.

Teachers try to give all their students work that challenges them, but isn’t too difficult for them. So it sounds like they’re giving you more advanced work than your brother because they believe you two are at these two different levels. If they’re correct, it’s likely you will continue to be ahead of him in that area, and possibly some others. It doesn’t mean anyone’s doing anything wrong; everyone’s doing their best to give you and him the best treatment they can. Including your parents.

But I will throw one story in about this. When my human friend Handsome was growing up, he knew a family where the oldest child was considered very developmentally delayed, to the degree the family put him in a special home, and raised his two younger siblings instead. But at some point, the home found out that the oldest boy just had a learning problem, and with the right help was able to speak, read, and write just as well as his younger brother and sister. And by the time Handsome met them, he couldn’t tell what problems the oldest boy had ever had.

So that’s why I can’t say what your brother’s issues are. Maybe he just has a speech impediment, and is a slow learner, and maybe there’s more going on. But for now, your job is to be a wonderful supporter of him (especially when those other kids are mean), but to also make sure you get the attention you deserve. Because whatever his issues are, you matter too. Just as much.

All my best,

Shirelle

0 How to deal with being the youngest at a college

arjai101 asks: So, I applied to that technical university I told you about, and I got in. And, I decided to dual enroll there full time. Up until now, I’ve felt confident in my decision, but now I feel like I’ve just signed myself off to two years of loneliness. See, we were supposed to have a practice class or some orientation. But, it turns out that wasn’t for us!!! So, I have no idea how I’m supposed to meet other students like me on campus. It will literally be like finding a needle in a haystack. One of the reasons I chose to dual enroll was I thought it would be a good way of finding a tight-knit group of friends. But now, it will be absolutely impossible. I’m going to be on that campus all alone, and all my friends at my high school don’t exactly have flexible schedules, and I can already feel myself drifting away from the group. It’s just a natural thing that happens. Some might suggest, just make friends with those college kids; it’ll be fun blah blah. But let’s be realistic, what college kid is going to want to hang out with a 16-year-old?! It’s like being a freshman times two. And even if I miraculously did manage to make some college friends, it’s not like my mom would approve. So, I’d just be sneaking around her all the time, which would just be a massive headache. My mom will argue that there will be some nice campus kids from church on campus. But, I don’t want anything to do with them. I don’t want anything to do with our church; I can’t wait until I don’t have to go there. I don’t agree with about 90% of their views. Plus, the campus church kids will just want to make me study the bible, and I’m not exaggerating at all. So I guess my question is, what am I supposed to do about this? I’m still in clubs at my old school, but nothing is the same now that I’m not there every day. They went back to school three weeks ago and my first day is this Monday, so I’ve had three weeks to realize how lonely it is. I thought that this practice class/ orientation would help me meet some people, but apparently, that isn’t the case. What do I do? I don’t want to go back to my school. Plus, it’s a little late for that.

Hi arjai101 –

CONGRATULATIONS!!!

I am so impressed, and, to whatever degree a loving pooch can claim connection to you, SO PROUD OF YOU!!! I’m gonna be walking around today with my chest sticking out EXTRA far! WOW!

Meanwhile, your question makes lots of sense. I think I’ve told you about my friend who started college even a bit younger than you, who had mixed feelings about having done that – in some ways great to be the youngest there, and in some ways not.

But as to your overall question, I actually have an answer. Not based on her experience, but on my own.

When Handsome first brought me home from the pound, I was only three months old, and the veterinarians told him not to take me to a dog park for another few months, so I’d be old enough to handle possible diseases that might be there. I’m a very social pup, so it was really hard for me to handle being kept away from other dogs for that long. And when he finally took me to a huge park with tons of dogs, I was ecstatic – ran around ready to play with everyone. And they were…

Well, some of them were only barely interested in me. Sniffed me, let me sniff them, but then they went on their way. Others wouldn’t even notice me. And then there were still others who barked at me and chased me away. I was miserable. I mean, I had Handsome there, who would come up and give me pats and hugs, but no one would play with me. I was crushed. And on the way driving home, Handsome told me, “I’m so sorry, puppy. You reminded me of being a kid on my first day at school. In fact, I think you reminded me of every kid the first day at school.”

But he then did something very smart. He brought me back the next day. And this time I wasn’t as eager or pushy, and a few dogs walked up to sniff me. And then, as I walked around, I found a dog who’d play with me for a minute. And then I found another. And another.

And soon, I met someone who would change my life. An Akita-mix named Kuma. Kuma had come from an abusive past, and was afraid of most people, and played so roughly most dogs didn’t like him. But he and I were made for each other! We played so hard and crazy that both of us were exhausted by the time we left the park. We did so well that Handsome and Laura, Kuma’s human, started planning to be at the park at the same time so we could beat the daylights out of each other. And then to have some play-dates outside the park, and even sleepovers when one of the humans was out of town! Kuma became the best dog-friend I ever had.

So why am I telling you all this? Because this is exactly what’s going to happen to you at college. You’re going to go and feel there’s something wrong with you because you’re young. Someone else will feel there’s something wrong with them because they’re older, or short or tall or skinny or plump or athletic or unathletic or a certain race or a certain religion or… Everyone there is going to feel like an outsider (except those who have friends there already – and they’re likely to wish they could get away from them and meet the cool new people around them). And this feeling might last five minutes or five days.

But it will end.

Somehow, you’re going to meet someone you like. Who likes you. Who is interested in the things you’re interested in. And who’s going to want to hang out with you.

And how do I know this?

Because everyone starting school there wants exactly what you want – friends, ways to have some fun, and to stop feeling so alienated and lonely!

So you have two jobs, arjai101. The first is Continue reading

0 How to enhance spoken English skills

AHMAD asks: How can spoken English of the nursery and primary school pupils, who primarily speak other languages, be enhanced?

Hi AHMAD –

It should be clear, to anyone who has ever studied a foreign language, that actual classroom and homework instruction only teaches fundamentals.  To really master a tongue, one needs different experiences with it.  Especially because people who speak a language well tend to speak in very different ways than what’s taught in classes.

My human friend Handsome and I live in an area with lots of people who speak Spanish – a language which Handsome studied in school for years, and which he can speak fairly well.  But when our neighbors talk among themselves, he feels like he never learned a word of it – with their speed, their slurring of words, their natural colloquialisms (a long word for the ways people talk that aren’t officially correct grammar or definitions).

So while it’s a great thing for children to be taught languages at early ages (as scientists have found that human brains learn languages much better at early ages than they do later), it’s all the better if the kids can also experience the languages in other ways, so they learn to become truly fluent, and not just knowledgeable.

There are lots of ways to achieve this.  One nice thing about English is that so many of the most popular movies and songs are in it.  So a great way for children to learn to speak it well is to just enjoy some of their favorite entertainments – watching an undubbed Cars 3 or listening to the latest from Bruno Mars or Ed Sheeran are great ways to immerse kids into the language.

But my favorite way is what’s called Continue reading

0 Is it a good idea to go to college early?

arjai101 asks: I don’t really know what to do anymore. I guess I’m just over high school. There is absolutely nothing for me there anymore. I realized that yesterday. My friend canceled on me…again, but, still managed to go on a triple date the night before on a whim with people she doesn’t even really like. The friends I do have don’t really do it for me, never really did, to be honest. Actually, everyone and I mean everyone you could think of is dating or got something going on with someone else and I can’t even find just a normal friend to hang out with me on the weekend. I have a license and nowhere to go, just as my mom long prophesized. I’ve been thinking of just going to college two years early, I got into a state university, and I’m taking some math classes there this summer. And I’m applying to another university, which has a great engineering program for their fall semester. If I get in there, I’m definitely not going back to high school. I’m tired of taking classes that don’t fuel my drive. I feel like everyone just thinks terrible things about me. No one takes me seriously. The administration and teachers who are supposed to vouch for me don’t even remember my face when I wave at them in the hall, even though I was in their class just last semester. I feel so lonely. Well, I’ve felt so lonely these past few days. I’m an extrovert; I need people. But, I feel like an unwanted burden to everyone. I don’t think there is anything wrong with me. In theory, I feel that I’m a pretty cool person to hang around. All I feel is just shallow acquaintances. What should I do? Should I just skip out on the last two years of high school? How do I meet people outside of this suffocating circle? I feel like I go to places where I should meet people, but people are so distant. I’m horribly frustrated. I need a breath of fresh air. I need to feel valued.

Hi arjai101 –

I understand this completely.  I was very good in obedience class when Handsome took me there, actually was the best student in the class I’m proud to say, but I never liked it (except that I got a lot of treats when I learned things correctly).  So I was very happy to leave it, and would have loved leaving it earlier if I could have.

And if you’re such a good student that you can get into an engineering school this early, I can’t really give you a good reason why you shouldn’t do it.  But I can suggest that you use that great mind of yours to really think it out before you make a decision.

One of my favorite humans is a young woman who works with my friend Handsome.  She’s brilliant and funny and kind and… did I say “young?”  She’s this young, and this far along in her career, because she started college when she was fifteen years old!  She then went straight through it and immediately went to graduate school, so she had her Masters’ Degree when she was twenty-one, an age when most people are still undergraduates!

And when she gets asked about whether it was the right thing or not, she never gives a simple, straight answer.  She loved the intellectual stimulation, and, like you, loved being away from the immaturity she saw in some high-schoolers.  But she was also very young, compared to her classmates.  And of course, college and university classes include students from all the years there, so imagine – she was fifteen sitting next to people over twenty in class, all the time!

So it was great, but it was also very isolating.  College is a time when people tend to grow very quickly – in relationships, in attitudes, in intellectual maturity.  And as bright as she was, she was way behind the rest.  So it was a bit lonely for her.

But at the same time, she liked a lot about it.  And she came through it just fine, and has a great life today (which includes, maybe no surprise, that she has a boyfriend a good deal older than she!  Maybe she kind of got used to that back then!).

So I can’t tell you yes or no on this decision; all I can tell you is to treat it like a scientific experiment – to learn everything you can about everything involved, and look at all the variables, and then make the wisest choice you’re able to.  And I think I can guarantee that, whatever you decide, you’ll like some things about whichever road you take, and you won’t like some others about it… and either way you’ll end up the wonderful thoughtful smartie you are – just with different life experience!

Can’t wait to hear what you decide!

Shirelle

0 How to work out social problems at school.

3Valentina3 asks: At school I feel like such an outsider. Or like an extra (like in the movies). I also don’t have the courage to tell my friend G that I don’t want to be friends anymore. I don’t know what to do and I’m feeling so upset. I would tell my mom but she wouldn’t understand and she would say something like, “just focus on school – you’re not there to make friends”. But if she understood then it would mean the world to me! How can I tell her what’s going on?

Hi 3Valentina3 –

Really, you’re asking me three questions. They’re all tied up together, but you’re trying to juggle three problems at once. And I relate to your difficulty with this – the best I’ve ever done with juggling is to have a tennis ball in my mouth and throw it up in the air and catch it. Once.

So let’s try to make it easier by splitting it into three parts.

First, you’re feeling like an extra at school. This is COMPLETELY normal. I know it doesn’t look like it, but every kid and teen goes through feeling this. If someone’s popular, they feel like they’re not being seen for who they are, and can’t express themselves. If they’re not popular, they feel unseen at all, and unheard, no matter what they say.  And everyone, at times, feels misunderstood.

I’m not saying this to say it’s not a big deal; it’s gigantic. It’s a horrible feeling, I know. It’s like the way I feel when I’m locked in a cage at the veterinarian’s office – there’s nothing I can do, I feel abandoned by everyone I trusted, and I’m scared to death!

But the good news is just Continue reading

0 Why Educational Toys Are Important For Kids?

Akhil003 asks: Why Educational Toys Are Important For Kids?

Hi Akhil003 –

Hmmm… Why are educational toys important for kids?   I’d say it’s the same reason educational toys are important for dogs.

What?  You don’t know about educational toys for dogs?  How about every squeaky toy you’ve ever seen, which teach dogs not to bite people’s ankles instead?  What about rope toys, which teach dogs to strengthen our mouths and compete in fun ways?

Dogs learn through playing.  And so do children.  That’s why kids are programmed to play – because it’s the best way for them to learn.  They learn social skills on playgrounds, they learn fairness in sports, and they learn an infinite number of things with toys.

An adult will learn a lot from reading – as you’re doing right here.  But children, even once they learn to read, usually learn best through activity.

So kids will learn from pretty much every toy they play with.  And why not, then, have some of those toys actually be intended to teach them worthwhile things (as well as a toy’s most important job – to be fun!)?

Thanks!
Shirelle

0 How to get people to give you more alone time

southpole4 asks: For my past well life I have gone through so many terrible things, I was bullied, skinny, weak, and someone I loved passed away last year. It has been really hard. I enjoy being alone and having my own privacy, my brother doesn’t understand that (he’s my twin) he enjoys being with someone at all time, and ya, sometimes we need company but I like to just be alone. Also my parents don’t understand that connecting with my friends is through social media, they have me logged in into their iPad and whenever my friends say a bad word on a group chat my parents say that they’re going to take away my phone….. I just want my own space to think and be who I am. I don’t know what to do any more.

Hi southpole4 –

I hope things have improved since you wrote me, but I know that your general question, about needing space and time to be alone, is one that goes on and on.

I really can’t explain to you why other people have such trouble understanding this. Now I’ve been guilty of it myself – especially as a puppy, I liked jumping on everyone and trying to play with them, with no awareness that sometimes they just wanted to be let be. But as I’ve grown older, I often feel that way myself. You’ve probably heard the old line “Let sleeping dogs lie.” That’s because people always want to come wake us up or pet us or play with us or whatever. And honestly, a lot of the time, I’m happy to wake up to a friend. But other times, I’m just happy dreaming about chasing dinosaurs, and want to remain that way.

It’s got to be especially tough when you have a twin who loves socializing as much as you love solitude. I’m sure it makes it even harder to convince people that nothing’s wrong with you when you go into your room and shut the door.

The best you can do, I’m afraid, is to Continue reading

0 Why would someone talk to you alone or in public, but not at school?

Princess asks: okay so this boy has had the biggest crush on me for about a year and he is honestly so sweet, like i’ve never heard anything bad about him… literally ever. and we text a lot and if we go to parties or something we hang out like the whole time but for some reason he won’t talk to me at school. but i don’t see why school is any different because neither of us drink at parties so like it’s the same thing. and i think i like him because we text all the time and he’s so nice and genuine but i can’t get over that he doesn’t talk to me, we just don’t talk enough and i’ve told him this and he says yes we should talk more but he doesn’t do anything about it and i think he’s just scared but it gets really frustrating and idk if i should end it and stop talking to him because i keep telling myself it’s might get better and it still hasn’t .

Hi Princess –

This is an odd case – I’m used to talking to girls about boys who are too shy to talk with them, but this boy is perfectly fine talking with you via text or at parties.

My thought is to confront him with it. Just tell him (maybe in a text) that you’re going to stop talking with him at parties or in texts, until he talks with you at school. Or till he explains why he doesn’t want to.

And if there is a reason – maybe, for example, he knows there’s another girl at school who has a crush on him and he doesn’t want to hurt her feelings by talking with you in front of her – then it’s only fair he tell you, so you can figure out how best to deal with it.

Clearly he likes you, and likes talking with you. So putting him on the spot and telling him he has to decide should accomplish something.

And I hope it’s something good!

Best,

Shirelle