What a teen should do if they fall in love with their teacher

Akasa asks: I like my physics teacher a lot but he is married and has 2 children what should I do

Hi Akasa –


It’s funny, just today I also got a question from someone who is in love with a boy at her school, and knows he loves her too, but he has a girlfriend. So I had lots of advice about how to bide her time and be in the position to possibly get him to herself later.


I’m not saying those things to you.  For a big reason.


Crushes can be really painful, I know. And teachers can be so charismatic and exciting (and so much more mature than the boys in your class). But one of two truths exist here: A) Nothing will ever happen between you and him. Or B) Something could happen, which would be absolutely horrible for both of you.


If a teacher (even if he’s unmarried and childless) has any sort of a romance with a student, he’s likely to lose his career. And rightly so – he’d be taking advantage of your normal, beautiful, young feelings. A good teacher can be a great way for you to develop a sense of what kind of person you’d like to be involved with, while keeping safe by not in any way approaching you. Teachers who get involved with their students are accused of “using” them, manipulating them, and, yes, molesting them. You don’t want any of these things in your life.


And beyond all that, he’s married with kids. If he’s a good guy, he is very loyal to them, and would never stray, even if you weren’t his student and younger than him.


In fact, this reminds me of a beautiful movie Handsome showed me once, called The Age of Innocence. A woman with a horrible, abusive husband falls in love with a very good man, whose young bride isn’t nearly as interesting as this woman, and they almost have an affair, but the woman calls it off, because the quality that she loves most in this man – that he’s more moral and caring than the other guys she sees in her society – would be ruined if they had the affair. She’d literally lose her love by acting on it!


So while, again, I understand that your love for this man hurts, the fact is that not only are you looking at a probably hopeless situation, but also I really hope it’s completely hopeless!


And I hope that, soon, some age-appropriate, single boy, who isn’t nearly as mature or brilliant or charismatic as that teacher, wins your heart and makes you feel like you’re flying past the moon!


(Which as your teacher can tell you, is very difficult because of the gravitational pull where objects fall at 32 feet per second squared and….)


Heh heh. Hey, how often does a pooch come up with a physics joke? I’m so proud of that one I’m going to go outside and bark at a squirrel.


But I wish I could do what I really want, which is to jump on you and give you so many licks in the face that you’re able to feel better about all this.


Which I’m sure you will soon.


All my best,



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