Category Archives for "School"

0 How to get children to improvise in their lives

Shirelle asks: According to you what should today’s children do to improvise their lifestyle

Hi Shirelle –

Thousands of people have joined my pack, but you’re the first to ever have the same name as me!  That’s soooo cool!

You ask a very interesting question.  I’m not sure if you actually meant to ask what children should do to improve  their lifestyle, but I like what you said better!

Improvisation is something done in all sorts of the arts, where one doesn’t just do a specifically-written piece, but instead works in in-the-moment creativity to create something new.  Jazz is music formed very often in improvisation (though we also hear it a lot in instrumental solos in rock and pop, or even moments in operas where a singer is allowed to make up a little trill).  And we hear a lot about Improv in comedy, where the performers make up a humorous scene as they go along.

In both cases, while the artist is being fully creative, they’re also following certain rules.  In music, the improviser has to stay connected to the song the rest of the musicians are playing, and in comedy, the performers have to stick to whatever logic their scene has going (so for example, if the scene’s taking place in a library, one of them can’t suddenly decide they’re swimming in the ocean).  The core of this is called “Yes-And.”  You have to agree with whatever has come before, and then add what you can to it.

So while your question might have involved you using a different word than you intended, I think you asked something just great!  How can children learn to play by the rules, just enough, but also feel free to add their own voices and meanings to the world they’re in.

Well, to that I have a few thoughts.

First, kids need to Continue reading

0 How to help special-needs children in mainstream classes

Megan asks: Hi my son has ADHD and he was in a special class last year and his teacher decided that we give his a chance In a mainstream class. My son was so excited that he was going to a normal class, but now I think that it wasn’t a good idea, because the work is getting too much for him to handle. I spoke to him and explained to him that it’s fine, that he should just come to me and tell me that he can’t cope, and then we can make a plan. I think he is afraid to disappoint himself and of what other kids would say. I try to encourage him. I don’t know what to say to him anymore. What do I do?

Hi Megan –

I can’t know enough to say whether this particular school is right for your son. But you do bring up an issue that I think is awfully important, which is what seems to be his embarrassment or shame about having ADHD.

Of course it’s very normal for all kids to want to fit in with their classmates. And I have no doubt it’s tough for him to be in this in-between status, too “normal” for the special class, and too “different” for the mainstream one.  It’s like when I first went to the dog park – I was too new to know how to play with the adult dogs, and too big to play with the puppies – a really frustrating day!

Now eventually I learned to do just great at the park, so that thought makes me think that maybe you should Continue reading

0 Is it best to travel with friends, or stay in school?

Cubcub asks: I had planned to go to another country with my best friend. Then I thought she would take her college studies here, so I processed my papers also to be a working scholar on a university because I thought we won’t be going. But things changed, my bff is going to go abroad. The problem is I am confused which should I choose – my scholarship here (which is very tiring and I am staying at my aunt and uncle’s house which is strict) or to resign here and grab the chance to go to another country, have a job, and earn income, which would really help my family?

Hi Cubcub –

We dogs aren’t all that smart, really.  And unless there’s a really clear difference between two choices (live in a dungeon being tortured or move to a pastoral home all-expenses-paid), it’s hard for me to choose for someone else.

But we pups are VERY good at reading people’s feelings.  And I don’t even think I’d have to be all that good at it to see – you want to go.  You want to be with your friend, you want to get a job and earn money, and you’d like to get out of the strict household.

But going would mean giving up on that scholarship.

Or would it?

Have you checked with the university to see if you could hold off for a year or two, and then still get the scholarship?  My guess is that they very well might say yes.  Then if they do, I think you could make the wonderful choice to go with your friend, make money, have a freer life, and then come back and do the scholarship.

There’s another argument for that as well – although humans tend to want to get education at the earliest age possible, I find that students who’ve lived some time in the ‘real world’ actually do better at universities than those who just push through.  They have a better sense of why they’re doing the work they are, and learning what they are, and often crave knowledge so much they study more than just what’s taught in the class.

So I’d say to check with the school and find out.  And maybe also find out if, if you come back for that scholarship, you’d be able to get discounted student housing, so you wouldn’t have to live in that strict home anymore, and could instead enjoy visiting your aunt and uncle when it’s convenient for all of you.

Hoping this works!

Shirelle

0 What to do when you realize you’ve been used in a relationship?

PerryB asks: I had a crush on a guy I go to school with. I told him and we talked it over, and a few weeks later he said that he had developed feelings for me and he asked me to be his girlfriend. Shortly after, we became intimate. Then, after about a week of us being a couple, he texted me and told me we have to break up, that things between us had gone too far. I was crushed, and I haven’t been to school ever since, but I have decided to go back after a week of being locked up in my room, since I want a future for myself. But I don’t know how I should react when I see him at school, since there is no way I can completely avoid him. Please give me some advice on what I should do.

Hi PerryB –

Humans are such a strange species.  You guys have such incredible gigantic brains, which accomplish so much, but this also means you worry tons about things we dogs would never give a thought to.

Now maybe this guy didn’t mean to hurt you.  But even if so, he did.  He hurt you really badly.  You feel used and rejected, as any human would.

And you’re the one who’s scared to go to school?!  Dear, if a dog treated me that badly, they’d be the ones to be scared with every step they took!  Not knowing if I’d be around any corner, ready to sink my fangs right into their hindquarters – and they’d know they deserved it!

Now I understand, you’re embarrassed and all that.  But my advice is to Continue reading

0 Is it a good idea for a student to take an extra year of school

Ajanardhan asks: I’m looking for advice on my kid’s school admission for coming academic year. To brief in better, she is currently doing PP1 and with a plan to move her to ICSC curriculum I have planned to put her into a particular school. But when I approached the school team, I been informed that UKG admission is not possible, as she is not yet five years old. With no option, and with an interest to put her in ICSC curriculum, I have opted for LKG admission and the seat is confirmed. All I want to be double sure of is that the call I am going to take by making the kid to reappear for PP1/LKG is a good decision or not.

Hi Ajanardhan –

So I have to confess – what I know about specific school systems is that mine offered treats when I got things right, while others give punishments when the pups get things wrong. So I don’t know a lot of the terms you’re using. But I think I get the gist of it, which is that you’d like your child to go into a more advanced year than the schools are allowing, so you’re questioning whether to have her do two years in preparation for the better program.

And my answer is – probably – Continue reading

0 What to do with someone who flirts with you and rejects you at the same time?

IntoNothingness asks: There is this senior guy at my high school who was looking for a girlfriend. We have a mutual friend who suggested that he could talk to me and that I was single. So we started talking. We became really close. He even told my friend that he was interested in me and if she could help him ask me out. I also liked him and we both kept dropping hints that we were attracted towards each other. I don’t know how or what happened, but suddenly this guy shuts me out of his life and I come to know that he has a girlfriend. After some time we started talking again and I tried to be a really good friend. He told me every personal detail like a very close person in his life. We talked and flirted on a daily basis but I kept it friendly as he had a girlfriend. He started dropping hints again and then out of the blue breaks up with his girl. Sometime after this, we had a friendly/romantic meet up at my place and he kept being like “you are single and now that I am single, you know…” His hints were very obvious and I really thought that he was interested. Day before yesterday, we were talking and he was being very flirty and the way I was talking anyone could have guessed that I might ask him out and he was also encouraging the conversation. I asked him out and he went completely blank. He literally told me that he liked me a lot but not like that. We were so close and comfortable with each other but things just became awkward. I am fine with the fact that he does not like me like that but what hurts me is that he never felt anything and still reciprocated every feeling and also gave hints. I would have been very happy had he honestly told me that he never felt anything for me rather than fake reciprocating and that we could only be friends. I invested a lot in our friendship and he didn’t even care about our friendship and let things become awkward between us. Our friendship was really special for me and after our embarrassing “asking out moment” I was the one who tried giving it another shot. But now I feel like I shouldn’t have. Am I portraying myself too available or desperate or vulnerable to this guy? Is giving our friendship another shot wrong? What is the mindset of the guy – like why did he do this? Why did he give hints and talk like that when he clearly felt nothing? Was our friendship also fake?

Hi IntoNothingness –

Okay, so I am completely confused.  Just as I’m sure you are!

So this guy told his friend he was interested in you, then started dating another girl, then broke up with her and flirted with you, talking about how you were both available, but then, once you asked him out, said he wasn’t interested in you.

So I see two possibilities here.  And either or both are possible.  First, he’s just playing with you, completely aware that he’s toying with your affections, which for some reason seems like a good idea to him.  Or, second, you’ve been misinterpreting him a lot.

Now you ask a bunch of questions – about whether you were too “available” or not, about whether it would be right or wrong to push for that friendship to continue, about what his feelings are.

But I’m going to suggest that you put all those questions aside for a moment, and instead ask yourself one giant question: given the way things are now, what do YOU want?

You see, it’s like when I was in the pound.  All we pups cared about was someone wanting us enough to get us out of there.   I lucked out and got a wonderful human; others got less-great ones, and of course some others didn’t make it out at all.

But you aren’t in that situation.  You’ll live through this, no matter what.  So while it’s interesting to wonder what he’s thinking, or if you could have done a better job of playing the romance game, the truth is that this guy has made it clear he’s not interested in you, while you’re interested in him.  And there’s a really good chance he’s been playing with your feelings.

So, if you liked yourself as much as I like you (and all my pack members), what would you do?  Would you maybe give this guy some space and see what he does?  Or maybe tell him off?  Or maybe look for a boyfriend somewhere else, and then, once you have one, see if you still want to be friends?

You see, all of those get back to the question of what YOU want.  And letting him deal with his odd feelings himself.  And I like that.

And what if you say “But he’s the only person I’m interested in, and I want to try to make it work with him any way I can?”  Well, then I’ll cheer you on.

But even if you do decide that, I’ll hope that you can keep yourself from saying his feelings matter as much as, or more than, yours.  Sure, his feelings matter.  But yours have to matter more.

They sure do to me.

Whatever you choose, BEST OF LUCK!

Shirelle

0 Should a young person pursue wild dreams or follow a practical path?

Lil Chen asks: We only live once and I don’t want to live my life knowing that I wasn’t able to pursue my goals. Recently, I went to the guidance counselor today and teared up thinking how much I wasted my years. I had this principle or value that I should focus more on the present but now that I think about it, the present is like only for fun, or something like that. It’s important but the future also matters. It’s what sets you for life. I don’t know what course to take in college and when they (guidance counselor) asked me what my interests were, all I could think of was KPOP/Entertainer/Singer/Comedian/Artist. But to be honest, that’s what I want. I didn’t want to share it in fear that they will mock me or something. I asked them though that if I wanted to pursue my interest but lack in talent, was it ok or reachable, and they said yes which gave me hope and some motivation. I was an honor student in Grade 11 but now I lost my motivation to study or do things, which is why I failed to reach the cut off for my STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering and Mathematics) courses, some of them (nursing, engineering, etc.) I slept in the exam and I totally regret it. I think my self-esteem was more wounded when I shared my interest to my friends and they just laughed it off and gave me a lecture about the impossibility of that happening. I don’t know if there are times when they thought I was serious. There are times where they tell me if I become one, I should still remember them but then there are times when they say that it’s impossible. I’m confused whether they support me or not. Face Reality is what they call it, but I believe that if I do try hard enough, I can actually try and do it. That could also be the meaning of Face Reality. As long as I am motivated and really want to do it then I can achieve it. Before I used to be really quiet, as in winning the “My Lips Are Sealed Award” in 6th grade for being silent since 3rd grade, and my silence continued till 2nd year or 8th grade. I decided that I wanted to change, so I did and became this talkative and somewhat class clown (girl ver.) in class. Due to that, a lot of people don’t take me seriously and since I want to make friends and don’t really wanna hurt our relationship, I contain my anger and I don’t usually have that kind of emotional or dramatic kind of life anymore. Laugh and smile! So I don’t know how to console people who have problems anymore. I don’t know what to say or if what I’m saying is right. But lately, I keep weeping to myself about life and just about everything. Life is hard but I keep holding on to the saying that if I try hard enough, I can do anything in life. For now, I plan to retake the test so I can have more options (nursing, engineering, etc.) or take exams from different schools (though I don’t want to transfer schools). My backup course is either nursing, architect or International Languages. I tried to repeat it to my friends and family about planning to save up money to go to Korea next year and join voice lessons this summer and keep practicing and also learning Korean on my own. That way I will be able to audition for agencies next year. I don’t think they took me seriously, and I’m not much of a serious talker, so I guess thanks to that I get hurt when they say bad things and encouraged when they say good stuff. Another problem is the age requirement to become an ‘idol.’ They take teens mostly and I’m already 18. If I go to Korea, I’ll be 21. They do still accept early 20’s but its kind of risky especially since I’m a foreigner. Which is why I wished to go back 5 years more so I can actually be more prepared, but I realized what I wanted too late. When I was a quiet person, I was more of “This is impossible” and stuff like that but I changed and I like this change (a little too much). So it will be a slim chance that they accept me as a trainee with my age and all the more I only went back to voice lessons this year while learning Korean all by myself. Another requirement is dancing, and since I want to save money, I want to teach myself, but I also want to get a teacher. Life is hard I know, but I also know that if I have faith and hope, we can achieve what we want in life. I’m also scared to talk to my parents about it cuz last time I told my dad I wanted to be a singer, he laughed at me and asked how can I become one if I don’t practice. I wanted to pursue voice lessons back then again (I took voice lessons before) but I was sad that he didn’t really encourage me to go on. I asked my mom about what I should do with my life and she told me that it’s up to me. I don’t know what’d she do if I tell her I wanna be an artist, and I’m scared of her response. I rely too much on my external motivation and our teacher told us that our internal motivations are more powerful so I want to change that. Am I making the right decision? Or are there more ways to help me fuel my motivation?

Hi Lil Chen –

When you wrote me a couple of years ago, you talked about having a bunch of goals, and struggling to figure out which to pursue.  And what saddens me in your letter is that it sounds to me like you didn’t really pursue the one you wanted the most, but instead absorbed a lot of negativity from people around you.

Here’s the truth: making it as a performer is hard, and rare.  It takes real commitment.  Talent’s great, but commitment is more important.  And you need to loooooooove what you do.

So, right now, I know that you would love to be a KPOP star, but I don’t know how much you love singing or dancing.  And I don’t know because you don’t.  I promise you, Adele was told for years that she didn’t have the looks to be a singing star, Taylor Swift was told she was too young and should focus on her schoolwork… and Psy was told he didn’t look anything like a dancer!

So I’m going to agree with you.  That it would have been better for you to try these things when you were younger, but it’s not too late.  But my friend, this is the time to jump in.  Sure, pass those exams (it’s always great to have a fallback, and even big stars like Emma Watson and Natalie Portman took time off their careers to get university degrees).  But most importantly, START SINGING!  Sing every day.  Take lessons if you can, but sing LOTS. And start dancing.  Imitate the dancers you like best and try to match their moves.  Then, if you can get lessons, all the better.

And if you do this, one of two things will happen.  Either doing this singing and dancing will fill your heart with joy and excitement, and you’ll be ready to devote yourself to them… or it won’t.  And either way, you’ll have learned what you truly feel.

When I wrote you before, I told you I loved chasing squirrels, whether I caught them or not.  The world is full of people who love to sing and dance but didn’t become stars.  Find out if you’re one of them, first.  And if you are, THEN devote yourself to trying for stardom.  And you’ll have no bigger supporter than this pup!

And if you find you don’t love doing those things… oh, you’ll just have to suffer with being (from what I can see) quite brilliant and becoming a great success who might change the world!

STOP WAITING!  THE TIME IS NOW!

All my best,

Shirelle

0 How to pursue someone who’s studying all the time.

Nymeria asks: I met a girl a few months ago, she’s sweet, beautiful, smart, she’s perfect to me. We used to talk a lot, but everything changed in an instant. She always told me she’s been studying for her board exam, and this was her only reason for not replying back to me. And I was thinking, could it really be the only reason why she doesn’t talk to me anymore? I don’t know what I should do.

Hi Nymeria –

There’s a lot I don’t know from your question.  How long has it been since she stopped replying?  How long had you two been talking before that?  And, maybe biggest of all, when was/is that exam?

Of course, anything is possible, but I can’t help but have one thought, based on my own experience.  My human friend Handsome had to take some board exams a few years ago, and assumed he’d pass them pretty easily.  And when he turned out to fail one of them – without any idea of why – he flipped right out!  He got depressed, went through a period of shock, had to try to figure his whole life out… and eventually was fine.

So is it possible this girl did take that exam, and failed it, and has withdrawn from the human race for a while – including from you?

Again, I’m not sure if that’s it.  But it sure would explain her sudden shift.

In the meantime, the best I can suggest for you to do is to reach out to her just enough that she can’t possibly think you’re not reaching out to her.  And then, if she’s still not responding, to give her the space that she seems to be asking for.

And if something’s just gone wrong, and she’s interested in still talking with you, then she’ll show up soon enough.

And if it’s something else – if she’s interested in another person, or decided she wants to change her whole life around, or whatever…  then you’ll have already moved on, and will be able to find someone else, who responds more, and appreciates you the way you deserve to be appreciated.

All my best,

Shirelle

0 How to become a veterinary nurse

future asks: Hi, recently I have been thinking about my future a lot. Which therefore means I have some questions about my career choice, I want to be a veterinary nurse, so what path do I take to get that?

Hi future –

I’m afraid my experience with veterinary nursing has always been on the receiving end (OUCH!), so I’m no expert on how to become one. But I can tell you, on behalf of all the animals in the world, THANK YOU for wanting to do such a beautiful, selfless, job for your life.

I don’t know where you live, but most places have veterinary schools. If you’re near a big university, they’d be especially likely for it. My advice would be to do a web search of veterinary programs near you, and then to contact some of them and see what they recommend for you.

Maybe you need to take some other classes before you can attend theirs, or maybe there are some things you can do to improve your chances of being accepted (such as to volunteer at an animal hospital or barn?).

And of course you’ll want to check to see if you can get a scholarship or financial aid, if the cost of the classes is too high.

But whatever you do, again, I can’t thank you enough for even just WANTING to be there for us. We count on you. And are eternally grateful.

All my best,

Shirelle

0 How to find a friend when you feel alienated

Arjai101 asks: It’s cold. It’s dark. It’s depressing as hell. I’ve just been really stressed lately with school. I don’t really like my mom’s boyfriend, which is really causing a huge rift with my mom and I. It’s like we’re perpetually at war or something. Or maybe, I’m just a terrible person because I probably just have a weird obsession with hurting people. I feel this immense pressure in general with work. I’ve got to start chipping in a bit with bills, nothing crazy, I just have to cut some of my spending habits, for a while. I mean, I’m fine I guess. Maybe it’s just that time of year, but I kind of just want to be in a relationship, or just to have someone genuinely there for me, romantic or not. I know it’s idealistic of me. But right now, all I need is someone who doesn’t mind if I go off the radar for a while when I’m busy, who’s available to hang out weekends, just blow off steam and stress with, and someone who doesn’t put me on some pedestal. Lately, I feel like everyone thinks I’m some super genius who can save the world or something, just because of some random accolades, that I guess are impressive and the fact that I’m 16 and go to university. It’s just this massive weight on my shoulders to keep it up, to somehow keep topping yourself. I really need someone who just sees me as a human being, not a list of accolades because I will never be able to always live up to that. I have my moments sure, but most of the time I’m overwhelmingly mediocre. I guess I’m just rambling off. But, I really need a friend or something. Someone I just really click with, who’s just available, when I am, and there aren’t complications and other stupid things, or mind games. I feel like a lot of my friends are either not actually my friends, or I just don’t have a great time with them because our personalities don’t mesh well. Anyhow, how do you even meet people? Like, I’m out in public and think maybe I should talk to this stranger. But, is that actually a wise thing to do? Or, where is it even okay to talk to strangers? And then, I’m just surrounded by people who are just older than me. And then, what do I even want from people? Have I actually been the diabolical crazy one the whole time? Just overthinking and coldly calculating things, and then going off the rails when things don’t go my way? Am I really the reason, that at the end of the day I still feel so lonely? Like maybe I’ve tried so hard to build this person, that no one even wants to go near it. Maybe, I need to take more risks. I feel like I make huge risks all of the time. But maybe not the right ones, maybe not the social ones. Maybe I should just do what I feel and forget the consequences. But then you have to look at the consequences every single day. I honestly just don’t want to take responsibility for anything. Like, what if I just approached that one person? But then, you will never truly know what they’re thinking, and then people talk, and things go wrong. At this point, I think I’m writing to you just to be writing about it. Like, I just feel like I don’t understand anything. And, I just feel so much right now. And, I’m so confused. And, I want so much. But unlike with school, I have no idea how to even go for it. I don’t think I really am all that good when reading people, especially when it pertains to me. I mean with other people, it’s easy as pie. But when it comes to me, I just don’t know what to think. The stakes just seem ridiculous. I don’t know. I don’t know. I literally just don’t know anything. And, I guess I’ll just leave it at that because I could go on forever and think myself into deeper holes.

Hi Arjai101 –

My dear friend (and yes I consider you a friend), there’s no way in the world you could have gone to college as young as you did and not find yourself in this exact situation.   Let’s say it simply – life is hard at age 16 for everyone, and everyone tends to feel alone and alienated, and you actually are different from everyone around you. Both because of your age, and because of your intelligence.

Think about it, human intelligence (and I suppose doggy intelligence too) exists on what they call a bell-curve, where most people are in the middle hump, and the rest get fewer and fewer as they get further from “normal.” I don’t know your IQ, but I’m going to guess it’s very high, maybe 140 or more? Well that means that you “fit in” just as much as people with IQs of 60 or less, which is considered mentally deficient! Imagine if I were at your school (four-legged, unable to speak) – I might be as much an outsider as you! And I’m a different species!

So am I saying there’s something wrong with what you are, or that you made the wrong choice? Not at all. But I am saying that your life is guaranteed to be difficult, because of your intelligence and your youth at school. You also might end up incredibly successful and famous for just these same reasons. But for now, it’s just lonely and tough.

I have other pieces on AskShirelle about how to make friends at school, but you’re in a special situation. I’ve suggested before that you look at student organizations, or activities, or joining some sort of cause. And I still think those would be the best bet for you to make some new friends. But if those aren’t working for you, I’d suggest you Continue reading