Category Archives for "Questions"

0 What to do with a boyfriend who treats you badly

brena asks: I am having problems with my boyfriend. He keeps lying to me and he blames me for everything that happens in our relationship. He does not pay me as much attention as he did once and he thinks he is always right, never admitting that he is wrong. He hardly calls or texts me; instead he texts his friends and that bothers me. Whenever anything goes wrong in his life, he tells his friends first before telling me, and that hurts. I talked to him about it and it seems as if he does not care. He also shouts at me at times. I really do love him but I am sick of it and I don’t know what to do. Please help me. I really want this to work out.

Hi brena –

Now I don’t give a lot of advice like this.  As you know, I tend to be a big romantic.  But if we go over what you’ve told me, your boyfriend:

1)    blames you for everything in the relationship

2)    isn’t paying much attention to you

3)    feels he’s always right and never admits being wrong

4)    hardly ever calls or texts you (but does text his other friends)

5)    talks to his friends before you

6)    doesn’t seem to care when you tell him your feelings

7)    and shouts at you.

Now of course, no one’s perfect, and relationships are hard.  But I have to say, brena, this guy sounds to me like a big bunch of Continue reading

0 How to tell a friend they’re being judgmental

prettyndweet12 asks: Lately I feel like my friend is acting more like my mom than my friend. Every time I say I miss my crush, or that I like another boy, she’s always giving me lectures on how I need to enjoy my summer and stop thinking about boys all the time and just chill. I understand if she’s saying it once just for friendly advice, but its almost everything I say that seems wrong to her, and its gotten to the point where I’m afraid to say things to her because she’s so judgmental! How do I let her know to stop without being mean or wrecking our friendship?

Hi prettyndsweet12 –

I’ll give you an answer, but first I can’t resist asking a question:  Why is it that your friend doesn’t worry about whether she’s being mean or wrecking your friendship?!  Endless bossing is really annoying!!

Anyway, what you’re really asking is how to handle this issue without hurting her.

One mistake I see humans do all the time is to worry too much about hurting the other person’s feelings, to the degree that they hurt them even more.  For example, Handsome was once dating a woman, and it wasn’t going well.  He really wanted to split up.  But he knew it would hurt her feelings a lot if he did.  So he thought it would be really smart if he proved to her that she was important to him, and that even if they broke up he’d still care about her.  So he took her out to a great dinner, a fun concert, fun stuff afterwards… and then he broke up with her.  And did she say “Oh thank you Handsome, that took all the hurt away?”  Not a Continue reading

0 How to handle getting injections

ktarr asks: We’re having injections at school I’m soo worried it will hurt. I know I’m gonna cry and look like a right baby in front of the other girls and then the boys (and my crush) who will see us afterwards.

Hi ktarr –

Oh I know just how you feel!  I hate injections too!  The only thing I hate even more is that my veterinarian has some vaccinations she sprays up my nose!  Remember dogs’ noses are way more sensitive than people’s, and oh do I HATE that!  But shots come in second.  And Handsome has always hated them too.  Hate Hate Hate them!!!

But then… there’s the issue of disease.  I hate getting sick too.  And of course, you’re in a very special situation, where you have to be as strong and healthy as you can, for your baby.

So here’s the only advice I can give.  Don’t look at the Continue reading

0 What besides studying are universities looking for?

shiraz asks: I am a sixteen-year-old girl. I’m studying sooooo hard to get a scholarship and go to Canada, because in Iran we don’t have any universities as good as theirs. I’ve really put my heart into it, because I think that the only way I can get in is to study and study and study. What do you think?

Hi shiraz –

You ask if the way to get into a good Canadian university is to study and study and study?  I completely agree.  In fact, you might want to add a few more “study and study”s to it!

The other thing I’d suggest, though, is that many western colleges and universities care a lot about other things as well as grades.  One of them is Diversity, and you should score great on that, just by the fact of coming from Iran.  But another one is Continue reading

0 How to find one’s feminine energy

Lovedino123lady asks: How do you be more ladylike and girly?

Hi Lovedino123lady –

Well, my friend, no one has ever accused me of being ladylike.  If I’m compared to anyone in that famous movie about dogs, I’m way more Tramp than Lady!  But I’ll try to help you out anyway.

The fact that you’re asking me this question probably means that you have a sense of what appears more girly or ladylike:  wearing dresses instead of pants, sashaying around instead of walking with direction, not punching or biting anyone!

But I don’t think that’s what you’re really asking about.  I think what you’re really after is how to increase your Continue reading

0 How to improve one’s English

Tran Cam asks: I’m from Vietnam, I’ve been studying English at Planet American English School for three months. But I’m having a hard time with it. Do you have any suggestions, to help me out?

Hi Tran Cam –

I really have to bow to you, Tran Cam.  English is an incredibly hard language to learn!  Due to the history behind it, it is a mixture of so many different languages; and due to the amount of exploration the British Empire had, it has so many different sounds!  Do you realize that, in Chaucer’s day, pronunciation of English made Continue reading

0 What to do when you’re surrounded by negative people

aditi asks: I am surrounded by people filled with negative thoughts. It’s really difficult to recognize who’s real and who isn’t. I don’t have any questions about anything for you, Shirelle, but I just need to find someone to listen to me, and talk. How do I find the right person?

Hi aditi –

I certainly understand your plight.  If more people were less negative, I wouldn’t have this website!  The whole purpose of this site is to help defeat the negativity people carry around in their lives.  I’ve spent my whole life seeing people who I think are just wonderful having the worst attitudes toward themselves and others.  It’s really heartbreaking!

So one “person” you can talk with is me, and I’m glad you thought to do so.  But beyond my fine self, I really recommend two other things.

First, as I do so often here, I’ll recommend that you find a Continue reading

0 How to deal with a parent after you’ve failed at something

mame asks: I am really depressed right now and don’t know what to do. One of my guy friends asked me to be his prom date and so I said yes. I told my mum about it and she didn’t seem to have a problem with it. Now the prom is very near and I need to be preparing for it in terms of clothing and stuff like that. But now I’m afraid to ask my mum about the prom, because I have failed my exams. I don’t know what to do!

Hi mame –

Your question is downright painful, because we all know that feeling!  You already feel bad about the exams, and you don’t want to make things worse for yourself, or especially between you and your mum.

Now I don’t know your mother, but I know a lot of women, and I can’t help but think that there’s a really good chance that she’ll actually be kinder than you think.

You see, all your life, she’s been an authority figure to you, the one who tells you what to do, and who takes pride in your successes and is disappointed when you fail.  But there was a time before that, before you, when she was a young Continue reading

1 How to get your parents to buy you something

nardy asks: How can I convince my parents to buy me my dream phone? Every time I’ve asked, they say next week, and the last time I told mother to buy me that phone, she told me to shut up or she won’t buy it for me. I really want it quickly. What can I do?

Hi nardy –

So I’m going to be kind of mean here, but I have no doubt that everyone who reads your letter on my website will have a little laugh at one sentence in it.  When you say “the last time I told my mother to buy me that phone…” you probably hit on the biggest problem you’ve got.  Parents do NOT like to be told what to do.  Sometimes you might want to, or have to, order them to do something (such as “Wake up, Mommy!  The house is on fire!”), but they’re never going to like the way it Continue reading

0 How to get assistance for HIV

Winnie asks: Where can I take my 16-year-old boy who is HIV positive for assistance?

Hi Winnie –

I am so deeply sorry about your son.  While doctors have done a really amazing job of finding ways to control HIV, since it showed up just three decades ago, it is still a terrifying situation to live in.

Winnie, I don’t know where you live, but most governments have special Continue reading