brena asks: I am having problems with my boyfriend. He keeps lying to me and he blames me for everything that happens in our relationship. He does not pay me as much attention as he did once and he thinks he is always right, never admitting that he is wrong. He hardly calls or texts me; instead he texts his friends and that bothers me. Whenever anything goes wrong in his life, he tells his friends first before telling me, and that hurts. I talked to him about it and it seems as if he does not care. He also shouts at me at times. I really do love him but I am sick of it and I don’t know what to do. Please help me. I really want this to work out.
Hi brena –
Now I don’t give a lot of advice like this. As you know, I tend to be a big romantic. But if we go over what you’ve told me, your boyfriend:
1) blames you for everything in the relationship
2) isn’t paying much attention to you
3) feels he’s always right and never admits being wrong
4) hardly ever calls or texts you (but does text his other friends)
5) talks to his friends before you
6) doesn’t seem to care when you tell him your feelings
7) and shouts at you.
Now of course, no one’s perfect, and relationships are hard. But I have to say, brena, this guy sounds to me like a big bunch of NOTHING! You know, no one is more loyal and loving than a dog, but if one of us is with a human who treats them too badly all the time, even we will leave.
The big truth here, brena, is that the worst thing that could happen would be if you stayed with this guy, and things actually got worse. I really think you’d be better off leaving him, and looking for someone else who’d treat you better.
And hey, being alone would be better than this. You still wouldn’t get his attention, calls, texts, or care. But it wouldn’t hurt as much because you weren’t trying for them. Plus you also wouldn’t get blamed, accused, or shouted at!
Now it’s possible, just possible, that he could change. But right now, you’re not giving him any reason to do so. If you leave, though, he may suddenly start to miss you, and realize how much he values you. And then he might start to treat you better, to win you back.
If he does, then great, maybe you’ll feel like reconnecting with him. But it’ll be up to you. And if he doesn’t, then you’ll know you made the right choice.
I know you really love him and want to make this work. But I don’t want you to be consigned to a miserable life of being mistreated. So please at least think about breaking up with him.
The simplest way I can put it is: if you’re a member of my Pack, I believe you deserve to be treated well. I just want you to feel as deserving as I think you are!