Category Archives for "Questions"

1 How to talk to others about a neurological condition

prettyndsweet12 asks: I have this condition called Myoclonus and it causes me to make these embarrassing jerking movements. Lots of people have been asking me questions about it, and I don’t know what to say. If I tell them what I have, then they will think I’m weird. Lots of people laugh and joke about me, and it makes me sad. I know it may help if I tell them, but at the same time it may make things worse for me. Please help me.

Hi prettyndsweet12 –

Thank you so much for your letter.  I had never heard of Myoclonus before, and I’m glad to learn about it – though very sorry you’re suffering from it.  (For those readers who also don’t know about it, there’s a lot of good information at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Myoclonus).

Of course I’m not a neurologist, so I can’t offer you any wisdom about the actual condition.  But as a loving dog, I can certainly offer you some ideas about the difficult situation it’s putting you through.

Most people are nice, sensitive, and kind.  Of course there are exceptions (there are lots of names for them: “Jerks” is one I use a lot, though “Ignoramuses” is perhaps more accurate), but I’m guessing that most of the people who are laughing probably don’t realize that they’re hurting you so much.  In fact, they might even think you’re just clowning around, when you’re actually just making movements you have no control over!

Because of this, the people who are suggesting that you tell people about the Myoclonus are probably right in most cases, but the tough part is figuring out when and how.  Do you introduce yourself, “Hi, my name is prettyndsweet12, and I have Myoclonus,” and then have to explain what it is?  Or do you wait till you make an involuntary movement and then say “Oh I didn’t mean to do that, it’s a neurological disorder I have?”  Or do you wait till they laugh or look concerned or ask?

The awful fact is that there is no perfect answer to this.  It reminds me of a friend of mine who lost half her leg in childhood.  She has a prosthetic limb, and can wear pants or tights and look like anyone else.  But then, when she meets new people, she’s stuck with that same question – when to tell them?  Especially when it comes to dating – do you talk about it too early or too late – it never feels just right.

I can, however, tell you one thing that is almost always true.  You don’t need to worry that, if someone asks you about your condition, you telling them will make them think you’re “weird.”  Again, there are jerks out there who might say such things, but everyone else will be the exact opposite.  They’ll appreciate your honesty about it, they’ll want to put you at ease, and they’ll actually let you into their heart in a special way, realizing the tough time you’re having.  A simple line like “It’s a neurological condition called Myoclonus” will probably be enough to ease the situation.  If someone wants to know more, then you can either tell them about it or suggest they look it up, depending on what you’d like at that time.

But what needs to change is that those people you mention are out there joking about your pain.  It’s really important that they learn the truth – that you’re not stupid or attention-grabbing or weird, or anything else.  Your condition is no more “weird” than the hiccups every one of them has had, or coughing or sneezing.  If you’re uncomfortable telling them about the Myoclonus, maybe you could get a friend or an adult to talk to them about it.

Or here’s my favorite thought – if this is happening at school – you could do a report about it.  Imagine what it would do to those laughers if you got up in class and gave a presentation about it in detail.  Any joke about it would be shown up for the idiocy it is – the joker would be seen by everyone as ignorant.

Which they are.  But ignorance isn’t a crime.  After all, until I got your letter, I was ignorant about Myoclonus too.

The crime is in being a jerk about Myoclonus once one knows about it.  And your telling people about it is the one way to stop most of that from happening, and reveal those who still do it for what they are.

Thank you for your honesty and bravery.  You’ve made me and all our readers into better mammals for the experience!

Be Strong!

Shirelle

0 How to prepare a play for school

4832456 asks: hi, I need to prepare a short play for prep. school as an activity. Can you help me ?

Hi 4832456 –

Well, as a pooch, I’m not a great expert on plays, but I know that the school plays that kids enjoy the most have usually been the ones they create themselves.  Could you create a ‘set-up’ for a play, and let the kids fill in the spaces themselves?  For example, come up with a group of characters, cast the kids in those roles, and give them a “place” to be interacting – and then see what Continue reading

0 How to deal with terrible times

KayceeSimone asks: This year has been extremely hard for me. On the 22nd of Feb this year there was a major earthquake, which made me stress and stop eating. Following that, in July, my dad’s father passed away followed by his mother on October 31st. I am really struggling to come to terms with all this and it is affecting my health mentally, emotionally and physically, and also my schooling. Just recently, my mum split up with my step-dad. I have never had a stable home, and I’m getting close to every guy she’s with then she just takes that away from me. Just recently I have been bullied at school and got punched in the face. I’m at my wits end and I’m afraid I’m going to do something stupid! PLEASE HELP ME! I’M DESPERATE :,(

Hi KayceeSimone –

Sometimes life is nice.  Sometimes it’s absolutely grand.  Sometimes it’s grey and depressing.  And then sometimes it’s absolutely horrible.  And you’re living in that category right now.  I’m so sorry.  I wish I could just run over to your house and jump up on your bed and lick your face till all your tears were gone and you were Continue reading

1 Why would my ex’s new girlfriend be jealous of me

Lovelyme asks: I have a problem and I honestly don’t know what should I do. My ex boyfriend has a girlfriend he dated before me; however they got back together after we broke up. Every time I see them they are hugging up or she’s under him, and it’s irritating to see that. Sometime it makes me disgusted with the both of them. I’ve talked with her, but she never mentions him around me (except to whisper about him to other people, even my cousin). One time she posted a facebook status and I “liked” it and she wrote me telling me she wasn’t talking about me. I really don’t know what it is. Could it be that I’m jealous or that I still like him?

Hi Lovelyme –

I guess I see two things going on here.  First, your ex-boyfriend and this girl are going to an awful lot of trouble to show their relationship off, which makes me think there’s something insincere about it.  And the fact that she acts so weird to you about it makes me think she’s feeling the same.  I wonder if she worries about how he feels about Continue reading

0 How to pick good friends

Beshoo asks: How do I pick my good friends?

Hi Beshoo –

What a great question!  Picking friends, especially your closer ones, is one of the most important choices anyone can make.  And too often we pick them just based on who’s around, when we could do better.

There’s no perfect way to pick friends, but here are a few ideas to help you out.

1)    Nice people usually act nice.  If you see someone treating someone badly, or saying bad things about someone, there’s a really good chance they’ll do that again – to Continue reading

0 How to deal with a parent who gives her younger child less freedom than the older one

Greta asks: My elder sister has been dating her boyfriend for two years now. They are very happy together and I am happy for them as well. But my mom has a problem when I even talk about guys – she doesn’t want me to date at all. Why is this so?

Hi Greta –

From what I see of humans, there are two sorts of parents.  One sort is very protective of their first kid; then over time they realize they don’t need to worry so much, and they give their next child a lot more freedom.  The other sort see their first child as adult and responsible, and forever see their later kid or kids as children they need to protect and control.  It sounds like you have the second sort.

Now of course, I don’t know how old you are.  For all I know, your sister might be twenty years old and you might be Continue reading

0 How to deal with being rejected by a peer group

knightmare asks: Last August, I had a huge fight with my peer group. I’m always uncomfortable around them, and have trouble trusting them. When we open up, I’m always the subject. They say its my attitude, but when it comes to them, it’s all “never mind.” Now I’ve split from them, with another girl who feels the same way about them. But now it feels like the girls in that group are really against me – and I hear from others about the bad things they say about me! What should I do?

Hi knightmare –

This sounds like a really tough situation.  And I can’t tell you exactly why, but it’s something that happens often with teenage girls.  Boys can be mean to each other too, but it’s in different ways.

The best news in all this is that you have your friend who split from this group with you.  When a girl is alone, facing this sort of treatment, she can feel really victimized, even crazy.  At least you two can Continue reading

0 How to deal with flirting from a friend who is involved with someone

Bell asks: I have a friend (I am a girl and he is a boy). He has a girlfriend, and he claims that he would never cheat on her, but when we are together, we hold each other (for hours, sometimes), we hold hands and talk (in a joke-but-still-seriously kind of way) about him being my boyfriend, and he usually says things like “I like you so much because I could never talk about this with my girlfriend” or “Do you want to have children? Me too! But my girlfriend doesn’t.” Do you think this is just friendship, or that he has feelings for me?

Hi Bell –

Well I don’t know enough to be sure, but it sounds to me like this boy is kind of toying with you.  I don’t know what his feelings for you are, but it definitely sounds like he’s enjoying the cheating-without-cheating that he’s doing to his girlfriend.  So my concerns are: a) you might start to feel more for him than you do now, and get hurt because he’s not planning to leave her, and b) she might get very angry and even hurtful to you, because she sees you as the “other woman” in his life.

It doesn’t sound to me like you’re doing anything wrong, but I think it might be a good idea for you to put some boundaries up between you and him.  Certainly there’s no reason to end your friendship, but he’s putting you in too delicate a situation for it to be Continue reading

0 How to deal with people giving mean criticism

Cinderrella asks: My dad has been treating me pretty different for the last few weeks because I didn’t do well in my last exams, and he is always telling me not to eat too much because apparently I’m fat even when I’m not eating, and at school I’m just sick and tired of people teasing me about my scars (I was burned when i was 2 years old) and about my weight. Really it’s not as if I don’t try to exercise – I do, but it isn’t working! I try not to mind people and just be strong, but it seems I’m getting weaker by the day and I just wanna give up! I feel so lonely, because I feel like there is no one who can understand me. Please help me!

Hi Cinderrella –

I get so angry that the hair on my back stands up and my lips curl to show my fangs, when I hear about people getting on teenage girls’ cases about their weight.  We have such a problem today with teenage girls worrying too much, and thinking they’re fat when they’re not, and then doing awful things like starving or purging themselves.  I’m all for you eating well and in moderation (something I have tremendous trouble with, whenever I get near a pizza!), and exercising well.  But if you have trouble keeping your weight where you want it even then, the solution is to see a doctor or a nutritionist, not to Continue reading

0 How to tell someone you think they’re great

Lady Ritzy asks: My feelings about my cousin is just something more than regular kind of feelings, and I would never want to marry him. I just want to him know I love him, but that’s all!! At the same time, I hate the idea of doing it, and maybe I shouldn’t tell him, “Hey I love you more than every thing in whole world!” Maybe one day I’ll find some other guy better than him!!

Hi Lady Ritzy –

I guess I’ve been a little confused.  You say you’re having trouble telling your cousin how much you love him, and starting a conversation with him, but that this isn’t a romantic feeling.  So is it that you just simply idolize him, think he’s the best thing there is, and have trouble telling him how terrific he is?

Wow, if that’s it, this is WAY easier than I was thinking!  I have one very thought-out answer for you:

DO Continue reading