How to deal with being rejected by a peer group

knightmare asks: Last August, I had a huge fight with my peer group. I’m always uncomfortable around them, and have trouble trusting them. When we open up, I’m always the subject. They say its my attitude, but when it comes to them, it’s all “never mind.” Now I’ve split from them, with another girl who feels the same way about them. But now it feels like the girls in that group are really against me – and I hear from others about the bad things they say about me! What should I do?

Hi knightmare –


This sounds like a really tough situation.  And I can’t tell you exactly why, but it’s something that happens often with teenage girls.  Boys can be mean to each other too, but it’s in different ways.


The best news in all this is that you have your friend who split from this group with you.  When a girl is alone, facing this sort of treatment, she can feel really victimized, even crazy.  At least you two can talk about it together.


Here’s, though, the bad news: Nothing is going to change the way these girls act toward you, till they grow out of it.  They used to feel good by putting you down within their group, and now the only way they can still do it is to say bad things about you to others.  My VERY strong advice is to just forget about them.  Don’t worry about what they’re saying, don’t pay attention to them, and don’t let them get to you.  Over time, if you can do that, they’ll find someone else to pick on.  Of course that’s awful too, but maybe by then you’ll be in a position to help that poor girl!


Now at times, groups like this can be powerful enough to make your life a living hell, even if you try ignoring them.  We’ve all heard the stories about teens posting lies about other kids on Facebook, etc.  If these girls should try anything like that, I really urge you to talk to your parents and your school administration about it.  Adults today are very aware of how dangerous all this is, and someone will probably put a stop to it very soon.


But till then, just know (I promise) that this will NOT last forever, and that every one of those girls looks at you with envy and respect, for having had the spine to get out of their demeaning, insulting circle.  Find a better life, find better friends, and you’ll be amazed at how irrelevant they all become!


Good Luck!



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