Category Archives for "Life Skills"

What are fun things for teenagers to do on vacation dates?

YJaan asks: Its actually the school holidays (3 weeks) and my boyfriend and I have decided to meet in a few days. I want to make this meeting sweet, enjoyable and memorable. What do you suggest we do? Help me please…

Hi YJaan –

Well this feels like an excellent sequel to your last question.  Thanks for asking it!  I suggested that you take your time and enjoy your relationship, and now you’re asking for some suggestions of what you can do.  Okay, here goes:

1)    Movies!  I can’t go to a movie theater, but people sure seem to love them, and it’s a great place for couples, since they can hang out together and actually learn a lot about what each other likes.  Go to a thriller, a comedy, a love story, a fantasy… and see who this is you’re with!

2)    Hiking – Is there somewhere near you where the two of you can go for a long walk in nature?  People often have really great Continue reading

Do good students always “fall off” as they near the end of high school?

pia asks: Hi, I have just completed my 10th, with a very good percentage. Many people have told me that students who score well in 10th usually tend to get low in 12th and fall in bad ways. I have lost all my confidence and motivation! I hope you understand my problem.

Oh what a bunch of poops!  I’m a big fan of telling the full truth, but this is a perfect example of what happens when people talk NEGATIVE all the time!  Look at you, Pia!  You are an excellent student, and clearly have a really good attitude.  Now do some students fall off at the end of their high school years (especially if they’ve already been accepted to a college or university)?  Absolutely.  But do you have to?  Of course not!

And look at what these naysayers have done to you!  You say that you’ve “lost all confidence and motivation.”  Yucch!  I hate Continue reading

What do do when you hear you’re being two-timed

Lilies asks: I am in a relationship with a guy, and I love him so much, and I know he loves me too. But recently I saw a post on Facebook: a girl said she is in a relationship with him! I asked him about it, and he said the girl is his cousin. I then asked the girl too, and she just said the guy never mentioned my name before in any of their chats! I don’t want to lose him, so what do i do?

Hi Lilies –

Hmmm…  You know that feeling you get sometimes when you go out at
night for a walk and to pee on a bush somewhere, and nothing is
clearly wrong but you just get that feeling?  Your ears pick up, the
fur on your back rises slightly, and you just don’t want to step
forward because there’s just something that’s off?  (Well, it’s
probably a little different for you humans, but that’s what it’s like
for me)  Your letter makes me feel the same way, Lilies. What was it
that Continue reading

How to learn about the best colleges and universities

Cat asks: Hi, I’ve just finished high school with a total of 98.5 %, thanks God, and I am really confused about choosing the college that is suitable for me. I can’t choose between being a doctor or a dentist, with respect to the importance of the materialistic side of the job, but I really wish I could find some advice about this stuff with a report about colleges that includes the fields of study & jobs of each. Thanks a million.

Wow, Cat!  I’m always putting cats down and insulting their intelligence, but you sure provide an exception to that rule!  Well-done!!

I live in the United States, and here there are tons of books that come out every year, comparing and contrasting all sorts of colleges and universities, and rating them on lots of scales.  I don’t know where you live, but I would suggest doing a web-search for a similar sort of list.  “Comparative Listing of Medical Schools in New Guinea” or “Best Universities in Eastern Europe” or “Most Successful Dental Schools in Iran…” whatever’s appropriate for Continue reading

Should I date someone who admits cheating before

YJaan asks: Hi! I’m 16 and I’ve a boyfriend (soon 18 years old) in the same school as mine. At first we were just friends. When we started dating each other, he told me everything about his past, ex-girlfriends (including that he used to cheat on most of them), etc. As time passed (one month) he told me that he’s really in love with me (so am I with him, and we also talk about our future together, like when we’ll marry). Now we’ve been together 10 weeks, but still that question comes into my mind: ‘Is he cheating on me??’ Now he also told me that he’s the type of guy who is very jovial and cheerful with girls. I don’t like that behavior of his but I think I’m getting to be used to it! My heart tells me ‘no, he’s not cheating me, he really loves me’ but my mind examines the question and says ‘yes he is indeed in love with me but I should not dare forget that he can cheat me like he used to do with some of the others!’ What should I do, because I actually really love him?

Hi YJaan –

There are a lot of questions posted on this site about people being afraid of being cheated on, and I recommend you check those out.  (Just put “cheat” in the Search box and a bunch should show up; for more, put in “trust”).

But you bring up some other issues I’d love to address.

First, you are 16 years old.  And you’ve been dating this guy for 10 weeks.  You are in no position to make ANY major decision about your life with this fellow.  This is the time to enjoy each other’s company, get to know each other, go out and do fun things together, and not do ANYTHING that’s going to affect your future.  I know it feels like he’s The One, and maybe he is, but you aren’t going to know that for a very long time.  Here’s my thought: on your 21st birthday, if you’re still together and he hasn’t cheated on you at all, you have every reason to Continue reading

How to live with a snappy relative

amber95 asks: Hi Shirelle. I’m having family troubles at the moment with divorced parents, but my older brother of 19 is very moody and is always snappy with me. At the moment we are living separately but he will soon be moving in with me. What should I do about his behavior? Any advice?

Hi amber95 –

There is nothing more Boorrrrrrrrrrrring than living with someone snappy!  It just wears the other person down.  I know what it’s like when Handsome goes through rough times, and that gets me down.  But sometimes he’s had me have a “play date” with a dog who hates playing, and that just bites!  (And sometimes, so does the dog!)

So I’m with you.  Something needs to be done.  Now one thing I’m not sure of – will you two be living with one of your parents, or will it just be the two of you?  Either way, your job is to create some Continue reading

How to deal with the sudden loss of your dog

juicy asks: I lost my dog. I love him very much, but one day I arrived at my house to find he was dead and they had already taken him away. So I don’t know what to do. It was so fast that I didn’t know anything in that moment, and couldn’t believe it.

Oh Juicy, how awful!

 

You’re suffering from two hurts, both of which are devastating.

 

First of all, I’m not being conceited at all when I say that losing a dog often hurts people more than losing the people they love most.  It’s not that they love the dog more, but that there’s something so simple and pure about that love, versus the more complex relationships they have with other humans.

 

There are lots of things I can recommend to you.  First of all, you were right to write me about it.  Talk to others too.  This isn’t a secret, it’s a real valid pain that you have the right to have.

 

Second, is there some sort of Continue reading

What are some good techniques for a young person to handle stress?

juicy asks: Growing up isn’t easy. Most of the time I got headaches easily by stress… When I was young I didn’t really understand any family problems, or myself, or love. Sometimes I wanted to just run away. I want to know what to do when I get stressed out.

Hi Juicy –

 

You are so right, growing up is never easy!  If it were, I’d be spending my days chewing bones and sunbathing, because no one would be writing me questions at all!

 

Now… If I’m understanding your question correctly, you’re saying that you’ve always had stress issues, and now you’re wondering what to do about them.  Here are some suggestions:

1)    Breathe.  I know, it sounds silly, but most humans hold their breath when they get stressed out!  Whenever you feel the stress building, just sit down and take at least five slow deep breaths.  Ten if you can.  It won’t change what’s happening outside, but it will

literally help your body handle the stress much better.

2)    Regularly exercise.  Every day is best, but at least a few times a week.  Our bodies hold onto the stress that we can’t resolve, and it helps a lot to let them burn it out!  Plus, exercise encourages you to Breathe!

3)    Meditate, Pray, whatever you like.  But take some time every day to sit with your eyes closed and just center.  Feel any stress in your body and concentrate on relaxing it.  And of course, while you’re doing this, as deeply as possible…  yes, Breathe!

4)    As much as possible, get rid of jerks!  One reason lots of people feel so much stress is that their lives are full of really difficult, self-centered, unhelpful people.  If your boss or teacher is really tough on you all day, and then you tell a friend about it and that friend doesn’t listen, or insults you for it… that’s not a great friend!  Try to bring more positive and supportive people into your life.  Your stress level will reduce soon.

5)    Although they might seem to help at first, things like tobacco, alcohol, illegal drugs, and even caffeine actually increase stress.  Never count on them to help.  Far better to drink lots of water and make sure you get a good night’s sleep every night.

6)    On that count, eat a healthy diet.  Just like exercise and sleep, it will help your body relax more, and you’ll like what you see in the mirror more too!

7)    Find someone good to talk to about your stress.  Friends are great, but if you need more, a therapist or counselor is going to be very helpful.

8)    And oh you knew this was coming…  if you can, Juicy… get, or at least play with, a dog!  We are so good at stress-reduction!  We’ll remind you all the time of what really matters (love, protection, play), and what doesn’t (who said what about whom and who likes or doesn’t like who and all that!).  All the above are great things, but there’s nothing like a loyal trustworthy love, lightly snoring by your feet, to reduce stress always!  (you see, we pooches never forgot how to breathe!)

 

Good Luck, and feel better!

Shirelle

 

Continue reading

Why we should pass on weather information to others

Hyra asks: why is it important to give information about Pagasa giving the people news when it reports storms?

Hi Hyra –

If I understand what you’re asking, it’s why one should pass on information that there’s bad weather coming.  Pagasa is the national weather service of the Philippines.  So when they put out an announcement of a big storm coming, I agree that it’s a really good idea for everyone there to let everyone else know about it.

So I’m a bit confused, Hyra.  Are you asking why it’s important to Continue reading

How to get a parent to accept their daughter getting back with a boyfriend who’s messed up

Hounddogblues asks: Long story: My dad died of cancer when I was 12, after a 3 year struggle, leaving just me and Mum. Mum has also had cancer since, and is in remission, and I had a long stint in hospital and a year out of Uni due to a kidney problem. That being said, this drama has brought me and Mum very close together. Whilst in my last year of Uni, I met my boyfriend, who is 7 years my senior. Mum didn’t really approve from day one (but no boy is ever good enough). I finally told her we were together, but within a week he had a breakdown and we argued. He left me with a mark on my neck after throwing my belongings (clothes) at me to pack and leave. I ran and made a fuss to my mum. A month later, he apologized and said he was seeking help through his Job in the army. I accepted that it was a breakdown and that he has totally changed. I’ve been back with him for 4 months, and he is perfect, better than ever. We want to get serious, but due to financial reasons I have had to move home. Mum does not know about our relationship, and I am scared to lose her or him. But if I don’t do something soon, I feel I’ll go mad myself. How do I break this to my mum without losing either of them? Getting help isn’t really an option as my mum refuses to see psychologists (I tried when she was grieving for dad). My boyfriend intends to speak to her alone and apologize, but she is stubborn and I know she won’t accept his apology.

Wow, this is a lot!  Living through all that would even give this hound dog the blues, Hounddogblues!

I guess the first thing to say is that I really respect your boyfriend for seeking and getting help.  So many people are torn between guilt, pride, and shame, and refuse to do that.  But I do hope you’ve been able to give him a sort of ultimatum too, along the lines of “I love you and am so glad you’re back, but if you do that again I’ll leave you that second.”  Your safety is my first concern.

But assuming that things are as good as you’re saying, then yes, you and your mother have some work to do.

You know, I love that you mention that, in her eyes, no man is ever good enough for Continue reading

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