Should I date someone who admits cheating before

YJaan asks: Hi! I’m 16 and I’ve a boyfriend (soon 18 years old) in the same school as mine. At first we were just friends. When we started dating each other, he told me everything about his past, ex-girlfriends (including that he used to cheat on most of them), etc. As time passed (one month) he told me that he’s really in love with me (so am I with him, and we also talk about our future together, like when we’ll marry). Now we’ve been together 10 weeks, but still that question comes into my mind: ‘Is he cheating on me??’ Now he also told me that he’s the type of guy who is very jovial and cheerful with girls. I don’t like that behavior of his but I think I’m getting to be used to it! My heart tells me ‘no, he’s not cheating me, he really loves me’ but my mind examines the question and says ‘yes he is indeed in love with me but I should not dare forget that he can cheat me like he used to do with some of the others!’ What should I do, because I actually really love him?

Hi YJaan –

There are a lot of questions posted on this site about people being afraid of being cheated on, and I recommend you check those out.  (Just put “cheat” in the Search box and a bunch should show up; for more, put in “trust”).

But you bring up some other issues I’d love to address.

First, you are 16 years old.  And you’ve been dating this guy for 10 weeks.  You are in no position to make ANY major decision about your life with this fellow.  This is the time to enjoy each other’s company, get to know each other, go out and do fun things together, and not do ANYTHING that’s going to affect your future.  I know it feels like he’s The One, and maybe he is, but you aren’t going to know that for a very long time.  Here’s my thought: on your 21st birthday, if you’re still together and he hasn’t cheated on you at all, you have every reason to look at marrying him.  Till then, what’s the rush?

Second, I’m a bit concerned by the fact that he told you that he’s cheated on most of his ex-girlfriends.  Now if he was doing that because he wants to change, and wanted to start that change by opening up and telling you everything, that’s great.  But it could be that this is his way of “clearing the field,” telling you who and what he is, so that later, if you should find he cheated on you, he can say “Hey, you knew what I was when we started.”  So because of that, I’d give the same advice I gave above: Take Your Time.  If he’s that great, he’ll stick around, and you two will only learn to love each other more.

This is the time in your life to live free.  Don’t let your heart or your mind make any decisions that will take that away.  I’d much rather see you be hurt by a boy’s cheating, and able to move on with your life, than see you make any decisions that lock you down.

Enjoy Your Life!


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