Category Archives for "Life Skills"

0 Should parents treat teenagers like adults or children?

Cheeky asks: I’m 19 and I have a boyfriend whom currently I’ve been having problems with when it comes to my mom. Mom is always on our nerves and doesn’t want us together so she is kinda trying to destroy our relationship. She doesn’t want to accept that I’m a grown-up now and that I have a say when it comes to anything that I do. She treats me as if I’m a 10-year-old and I don’t like that at all. I just want to live a normal life whereby they consider my opinion and choices too. What should I do to make Mom accept the fact that I really do love him and that I’m now grown up, because it’s really stressing me up?

Hi Cheeky –

Okay, I’m going to take BOTH sides of this one.  Sorry, but that’s what we dogs are like – we like everyone!

First of all, of course you’re right.  You have a relationship that’s just right for you right now, and your mom is trying to get in the way of it, treating you like a child.  She’s missing the fact that you need to grow in order to learn from experience.  I’ll guess she’s hoping you get married someday.  Well, wouldn’t she prefer you know some things about boys and yourself before you make that giant commitment?  Wouldn’t she want you to be more sophisticated than you were at age ten?

So yes, she should give you the space to have this relationship.

But Second… while you feel you’re fully grown, you’re still young.  Your brain will be developing for another five years or so.  You are at a glorious stage of life, full of passions and excitement, which can lead you into some not-so-great places.  And you will change over the next ten years.  Possibly a lot.

So where does that leave us?  I’d say that your mom is doing what she thinks is best, and her intentions are great, but she just Continue reading

0 How to handle slut shame for having had boyfriends

Loser asks: I’m from a very small and conservative country. Our society is very complicated. Here boys and girls even can’t talk properly. Our school isn’t combined. But apart from that we all contact with each other in social media. I had a boyfriend. At first everything was so good. We met secretly and those memories – gosh! I don’t know what love is but if it exists then I loved him a lot. He broke up with me a lot of times, but then when he came back and apologized I always forgave him. But a week ago suddenly he stopped talking to me. I thought he was in a depression, but 3 days ago he compared me with his ex. And yesterday he hurt me by his words. I want to forget him, but I can’t. I love him so much. And he was my 3rd boyfriend. It was my last attempt. If I fail this time, our so called conservative school and those girls and boys will slut-shame me. I can’t find anyone good. I don’t know what to do.

Hi Loser –

Okay, so let me start by saying I hate   having said “Hi Loser!”  That sounds like I’m insulting you, and I don’t feel that way toward you at all!  (Tell you what, how about, if you write me back, please say, just once, “Hello you stinking fleabag mutt!” Then I’ll feel much better!)

So onto your questions.

First of all, I’m sorry about this guy, but yes, these things do happen – especially on social media.  And especially when the people are young, which it sounds like you are.

So in terms of forgetting him, I know that won’t be easy, especially as you had such a great time with him and aren’t seeing other boys enough.  But my advice is to then do as many things as you can with your friends:  Hang out with the girls you go to school with, even ones you normally wouldn’t call your closest friends.  Watch movies, listen to music, just anything you can do that is fun.  You won’t forget him of course, but you will get other things into your mind, and hopefully meet more people, maybe even a better guy.

Now in terms of him being your third boyfriend, I can tell you that a lot of people (maybe more in other countries) would say that’s great!  They wouldn’t call you a “slut,” they’d call you popular!  So many girls who spend their nights alone wishing the phone would ring would do ANYTHING to have had three boyfriends before leaving high school!  Think of it like if someone told you they felt bad for having had three friends, or having read three books, or having visited three countries!

Now there might be questions about Continue reading

0 What to do when someone complains you’re too possessive

mr. mister asks: I’m in 10th, and had a crush on a girl, so I started my friendship with her and eventually we got close. But she was still not ready to accept me as her mate, because she was dumped by another guy and was in pain and hadn’t overcome it. I thought that I should give her time and support her whenever she needed (she is a very joyful girl), but after two months Christmas arrived, and I don’t know why, but she stopped talking to me. I was like “why the heck are you ignoring me?” I tried to contact her best friend, because she wasn’t replying to me. After two days or three I received her text to stop calling her, “because if my parents get to know about this then I won’t be able to talk to you in my entire life.” I asked her to reply and talk to me, she said she didn’t feel she could date me, and I said “dude , you said yes to me two weeks before.” She told me that she wanted to reject me in a polite way – just because I was getting a little possessive about her, making her mad at me. Now if I am her boy, then I will be possessive, because I don’t want anyone to hurt her again. So was I wrong at any point of time? Now she has stopped talking to me, but I want to talk to her and again get close to her because I think that she was my lucky chap and i used to live to the fullest. And now I keep thinking about her, and my board exams are also approaching and I am unable to concentrate. Please help me so that I can score well and also get her back in my life?

Hi mr. mister –

Oh this is such a tough situation!

I deal with this all the time.  Some humans like it when I jump on them, some hate that but like getting lots of kisses, and some find dog-kisses gross.  In each case, I just want to be friendly, but it’s hard to know how to show that to someone unless you know exactly what they like and don’t like.

I’ve known humans who consider it rejection if the person they’re with isn’t possessive of them.  Others like it, or tolerate it… or absolutely hate it.  And there’s no way of knowing until you get in there and try it out.

So this woman is VERY intolerant of it.  She clearly can’t tolerate even the idea of you being possessive of her (since you hadn’t had the chance to show it much!).

So when you ask if you were wrong at any point, the answer is yes – what you did bothered her – but I don’t know that you could have known any better.   It actually sounds to me like you’ve been very polite and tolerant with her.  (But who cares what I think?  I’m totally cool with my human taking me out on a leash!)

The question now is what to Continue reading

0 Can love stories really come true?

Jhalli asks: I ‘m fond of watching romantic dramas and web series and reading romantic novels. There are several love stories I saw. I feel that hopefully, these love stories can happen in my life also. My friends say I’m living in a fantasy world. Is it possible that love stories can happen in the real world or maybe in my life, like in the series? Does a pure love exist in the real world also?

Hi Jhalli –

Well I hope it’s not breaking news when I tell you that rarely is real life as pretty  as it exists on the screen.  I’m no judge of human beauty, but I do know that the world is full of hospitals and there isn’t one where the whole staff is as good-looking as they are on Grey’s Anatomy!   So if you’re asking if real life is going to give you romances with perfect gorgeous people who never sweat or have a runny nose or get spinach stuck in their teeth… then no.  Sorry to disappoint.

But if you’re asking if love, wild love, passionate love, timeless love, crazy love, lovely love, can exist, I am here to tell you it absolutely can and does.

As a first example, I’ll use myself.  Now the love between a dog and a person might not be what you had in mind from those novels, but believe me, my Handsome and I are CRAAAAAAAZY  about each other.  We think of each other all the time, we love the touch and sight and smell of each other… and we are so close that when one of us gets hurt or sick, the other develops the symptoms.  One night I was attacked by an angry dog, and that whole night, Handsome kept waking up from nightmares where it was him getting attacked!  And he often coos into my ear, “No one has ever loved anything more than I love my knucklehead!” And I think he’s right.

But when it comes to love between humans…  There’s a reason those romance stories have been so popular for the history of humanity, and that’s that yes, they are based in a reality.  People do  fall in love with each other, people do  stay faithful to each other…

And yes, real life also offers uncountable complications!  Love can be one-sided, a person can betray their lover, people cheat, people lose interest, people become less attractive… all these things happen all the time.

But aren’t those exactly what happens in those books and movies and series you adore?  (Otherwise the stories would be really dull: “He and she met and fell in love and never looked at another person and lived in total happiness till they died a century later.”  Borrrrrrring!)

The trick for you is, when you find someone to have a relationship with, to Continue reading

0 How to make a relationship work after losing a child

Positivevibes asks: The last 2 years have been a rollercoaster for me and my partner. We have been together for 3 years. All started off well – he has a 9-year-old son, and after we met I soon fell pregnant with our daughter. We found out she had a heart condition that was serious and affected her daily life. In the first 3 months of her life I ended up with postnatal depression as I found things difficult, and me and my daughter went in to a mother and baby unit. After I got better we soon settled in to being back home all together. Then when she was 8 months, my partner became unwell with bowel cancer. And when our daughter was one she went in for open heart surgery and was touch-and-go for 3 months. Remarkably she pulled through. During this my partner underwent chemo so it was a heart breaking time for all of us. In March they both were on the mend and things settled. But by this time, my partner and I were hardly ever intimate. Then, in September, our daughter died. We are both struggling with this. I do understand that his feelings are all over the place, but we have not been intimate for months. He only cuddles me when we sleep, we barely talk, and he only says “I love you” if I say it to him. I have tried so many times to talk to him about it all, but he won’t talk. He just says he does not know what’s going on with him and shrugs. Every time I ask him I feel like we end up in an argument. I am really struggling. I have been trying to lay off the subject as I feel like it’s pushing him further away, but I’m so lonely and I am an affectionate person – I need to feel loved; instead I feel so lonely – and it’s also making me feel unattractive (I have put on weight and I don’t look the same as I did when we met). I end up crying myself to sleep most nights. We are in desperate need of help. I just don’t know what to do any more. I can’t lose him as well.

Hi Positivevibes –

Normally, we dogs look at you humans as lucky.  You can drive around, you can shop at grocery stores, you can play video games… but your story reminds me that a human can go through tragedies that make us sound like the lucky ones.

Of course everything else you’ve dealt with sounds bearable to me; it’s the loss of your baby daughter that breaks my heart.  I know that’s a wound that can never be healed, for you or for her father.  I’m just so horribly sorry.

The trick, for anyone who’s undergone such a horrific loss, is to Continue reading

0 How to deal with gossip about you, even if it’s true

thelittleangel asks: There’s this guy who I’m attracted to, but I don’t know much about him. I’ve been wanting to get to know him, but also, there’s this girl who likes him and thinks I like him and she’s been telling people I like him and she’s been saying bad stuff about me behind my back. My friends think she only is saying this because she thinks I have a thing with him and she’s jealous. In addition, can I have some tips on how to deal with people gossiping about you and your business?

Hi thelittleangel –

Here’s the funny part about being a young human.   You guys are so worried about people talking about you, you don’t realize that it’s actually great!  She’s telling people you like him.  Okay, hopefully he’ll hear about it and think “Hmmm… I hadn’t really noticed her before, but I kind of like being liked by her!”

But now, you also say she’s talking trash about you.  That truly is a problem.

But you have an advantage – you know  that she’s doing it.  So the best thing to do with that is to confront her, ideally right in front of the friends she’s telling it to.  “Hey, I hear you’ve been telling people I have fleas.  Well, here are a bunch of my friends, and they’ve never seen me scratch, even once.  So why are you saying all these lies?”

Can you imagine  how powerful that is?  My guess is that she’ll immediately stop.  After all, the reason to spread that sort of gossip is to gain power, and you’ll have just taken that power right away from her!

And if a bunch of people are gossiping about you?  I’d do the same thing on a bigger level. I know this sounds terrifying, but imagine what would happen if you stood up in the school lunchroom, or at an assembly, and said “People here have been spreading lies about me.  And I wonder if you have the courage to admit it.  Like, who was the one who started telling people I have fleas?!  You don’t have the guts to admit it, do you?  Because you know it’s a lie.  So I’ll leave it to you all to figure out who it was who started it, but just know, they’re not only a liar, they’re a wussy coward too.”

And then sit down, and never bring it up again.  You’ll be amazed how that gossip just disappears.

So I guess what I’m suggesting, in both cases, is for you to find some courage.  The courage to start a conversation with that boy, and the courage to face this girl with the truth.

If you can do these things, you’ll suddenly feel a lot bigger and stronger, which will be amazing.

But don’t worry, you’ll always be thelittleangel to me!

Best of Luck!

Shirelle

0 How to change your mentality to be happier

Sravani asks: I want to be alive with happiness, but I can’t because of my mentality. Sometimes it feels like I wanna to die but I can’t.

Hi Sravani –

You’re right.  The only way to be alive with happiness will be to change your mentality.  And there are lots of different suggestions out there on how to do it – and I’m sure most of them are right for different people.  But you wrote me, so I’ll tell you how we dogs do it!

First, look for what’s interesting around you.  There’s always something.  A smell, a sight.

Now, look for what’s beautiful around you.  And if there’s nothing that you see, can you change something to make it beautiful?  Put a picture up, or get a flower?

Now, listen for what’s beautiful or exciting.  And if you can’t pick up anything, put on some music you love.

Now, smell, or better, eat something you really adore.  Super yummy.

And then, sit back and think about all this.  You just experienced so many pleasures.  Things only you enjoy as much as you do.  And try to feel grateful for them. Regardless of what you believe or don’t believe in – just feel some gratitude for having seen a bird, and heard that Cardi B song, and tasted a pomegranate!

Now, do that as often as you possibly can.

And what you’ll begin to experience, as your mind (literally, the workings of your brain) changes, is the realization that there’s always beauty and excitement around.  Even when things really stink.

And the more you pursue these, and the more you share them with others, the happier your days will be.

Now sure, there’s a lot more to do – there’s growth and dealing with old pains and there’s learning and there’s passion.  But right now, I just want some simple basic joys.

I think you’ll find it works.  It does for my whole species!

All my best,

Shirelle

0 How to choose between two abusive boyfriends

Jingle_jangle asks: I’m a 17 year-old girl. Once I was very confident and self-dependent, but last year I was cheated on by my boyfriend and ended my 3 year relationship. It affected me so much it broke my heart. After that I met a boy and now we have been together a year. He loves me so much but I can’t forget my past and my ex. My relationship with my boyfriend is not in a great state. I try to make things right but I can’t. First I thought he was a great guy but I don’t think now . He abuses me, humiliates me about my past, and he doesn’t understand me. After so many fights and humiliations, the feelings are deteriorating . I don’t want to end my relationship with him but i also want to get my self-respect back .I don’t have friends so I don’t have anyone to talk to and get advice. Please help me!

Hi Jingle_jangle –

I often get questions where someone is trying to choose between two romances – one who’s kind and supportive, and one who’s not as nice, but more exciting.  That’s a tough decision!

But you’re in a different situation.  You’ve got two guys, both who have been jerkish to you in some ways.  The first one cheated on you, and the current one’s abusive and humiliating.

I want you to form a new romance.  I want you to fall in love with someone way better…  I want you to fall in love with Continue reading

0 What to do when your boyfriend or girlfriend makes you stay at parties you don’t like

Bubbles_101 asks: I walked out of my boyfriend’s Christmas party leaving him and our son, since I got totally angry at him. But before that incident told me that we would only be dropping by his friend’s Christmas party to say hi and drop a gift for a exchange gift event. I did say yes but I wasn’t expecting that we would be staying there for too long. Can you imagine being in a party where you only knew their faces but not their names, since you guys are not that close?! You look like a total idiot sitting in a corner while he is having fun. But to be honest I really don’t like his friends (group of friends that were created through groups, more like a gang). Since before I met him he was in a group where each member has a car of their own. They have issues when it comes to pride. It’s like they should be the main heroes of the stories. I did try to calm down but he keeps on telling me to take a bath when I have a lot of house hold chores to do. He knows that right from the start I already told him that I don’t really like his friends but he seems not to care. I even look like a babysitter on that time. So I told him that I would be going home and left. He was totally angry when he got home, like 3 mins after I got home. He told me not to behave like that. He also told me that if I wanted to leave we could have just left. How was I supposed to tell him that when he was having fun and a bit drunk? I don’t think he would like to leave just like that. Yes, I embarrassed him in front of his friends by walking out of the party, but I don’t care since, like I said, I don’t like them and I have no plans of getting to know them. I feel like he prioritizes his friends over me. I feel totally neglected.

Hi Bubbles_101 –

I’m going to say I think both of you are a bit at fault here, and that I think the solution is pretty easy, if you’re up to it.

When I was a puppy, my veterinarian wouldn’t allow Handsome to let me play with other dogs, because I was too susceptible to diseases.  Finally I reached the age where it was okay, and he took me to a dog park to celebrate.  I was SOOO excited!  Maybe a hundred dogs, all kinds of smells, it was heaven!

Oh, except, it wasn’t.

Not one dog there would play with me.  I was the friendliest pup in the world, running up to all of them, and they’d either walk away ignoring me or turn and snap, scaring me.  I felt so lonely and rejected.  Handsome tried to make me feel better by playing with me, but of course, I was used to him – I’d been living with him for months.  It was those pooches I wanted to want me.

But then, as he kept taking me back there, things changed.  I got better at knowing how to approach other dogs, and which dogs to approach.  And eventually I made some great friends I played just as roughly as I wanted with!  That miserable park became my favorite place in the world.

Now you’re not exactly in the same place I was.  I was all set to befriend those dogs, while you’re not so crazy about your boyfriend’s friends.  But feeling left out and rejected and lonely at a party – that part sounds just the same.

So if you’re ever in that situation again, I recommend Continue reading

0 How to help someone who won’t talk about their problems

Danish asks: Why is it we don’t talk about our problems with each other? The girl whom I love, sometimes I feel that she is in some kind of problem, but she is not sharing it with me because of whatever reason. But sometimes when I’ve asked her again and again she’ll share. She is that type of girl who keeps most of her emotions inside. I want to make her feel light by sharing her problems with me. I want to make her feel that I am there for her in her bad times. So what should I do?

Hi Danish –

This is one of those areas where we dogs have a great advantage over you people.  See, when we feel someone’s sad, we can just walk up and lay our head on their lap, and they’ll feel so seen and felt, and hug us and get all their emotions out.

But because you guys are so verbal with each other, you can show this girl the same empathy I do, but she’s suddenly feeling pressured – she has to tell you what’s going on!  And for whatever reason, she doesn’t want to do that just now.

So what can you do?

Well, I’ll suggest you do what I’ve heard my human Handsome talk about with other therapists, which is “Meet the Person Where They Are.”  If she doesn’t want to tell you what she feels bad about, or even admit that she does, let her have that right.

It’s great that you asked her about her feelings, but if she says she’s fine, then act as if she is.  But stay there, be with her, talk with her about other things – all to get her comfortable.  What you want is for her to trust you so much, to feel so good with you, that she finds herself starting to open up about whatever’s going on.

So in other words, you show up and see the sadness in her face.  You ask if something’s wrong.  She says no.  You smile, say okay, and you two go out to watch a football game.  You talk with her about your week, you tell her some sad things that have happened to you or your friends, you get her to laugh, you ask her about other stuff that isn’t so sad… and then over dinner, you ask “So what else has been going on in your world?”  And she suddenly blurts out, “My boss said she might fire me!” or “My mom called me a loser!” or “My best friend is sick and I’m scared it’s serious!”

You see what you did?  You respected her wishes by not asking more about what was wrong.  You talked about everything else.  But doing that got her comfortable enough to tell you what’s up.

Now then, of course there’s the other scenario.  Which is that actually she was feeling okay, she just had that look on her face because she’d been trying to figure out a crossword puzzle!  And your day is still wonderful, and she appreciates your kindness and fun.

But either way, it comes from you treating her with respect.  Meeting her where she is.  And allowing her to not feel pressured by you at all.

And if you can do that…  you just might find she starts loving you the way you love her really soon!

Best of Luck!

Shirelle