Category Archives for "Adults"

0 Why are young people into negative things?

lynch asks: Why are young people so hooked on the negative things?

Hi Lynch –

I don’t fully agree with you – I see young people hooked on positive things all the time – but I know what you’re talking about.  In particular, I imagine that, when you say “young people,” you’re referring to teenagers and people in their early 20’s.

There is a definite thing about that age that draws humans to a certain negativity.  They’ll often speak with a cynicism, listen to harsh music that says unpleasant things, and show great scorn for their parents and other authority figures.  And that’s the “good” kids – while others are smoking cigarettes, drinking, or doing illegal drugs, joining Continue reading

0 How to write a persuasive speech

Jhen asks: can you give me one or two minute persuasive speeches

Hi Jhen –

Thanks for your question about persuasive speeches.  Persuasive speeches are speeches that are intended to get the listener to do something.  When your schoolteacher gives you a big lecture on geography or math, that’s not a persuasive speech (even if they end it by saying “Do your homework!”).  A persuasive speech is one that truly wants to change your mind about what you’re going to do.  Advertisements are all persuasive (even the ones that seem to just be informative or funny).  Nearly all political speeches are persuasive – with all the action going on in the world today, our televisions and radios are loaded with it, from the yelling in the squares in Egypt and Syria to Mr. Cameron and the strikers in England arguing against each other, to Mr. Obama and all the people running against him for the presidency – everyone’s wanting the listener to agree with them and act accordingly.

So you want an example of a one-or-two-minute one?  Well here’s one I gave this morning:  “Hey, Cat!  This is my yard!  I’m shut inside this house, but if I can get out I’m going to jump on you so hard your tail will stick through your ears!  Get out!  I said Get Out!  Stop looking at me like you’re so smug and smart – I’ll wipe that grin off your face you rotten…”  You get the Continue reading

0 How to resolve a fight between sisters

ricca asks: Today my sister and I were having a big war, and we’re still not settled down. What should I do?

Hi Ricca –

Thanks for your question about your fight with your sister.

Of course, I have no idea what your fight was over, or who was right or wrong.  But in the end, that really doesn’t matter anyway, does it?  What’s bothering you is that your fight is continuing, and that you need a way to resolve it.

Now if that’s only your feeling, and not your sister’s, that’s your first problem.  Somehow, you need to convince her to work with you to move past the fight.  I usually find that the best way to get that going is to find some part, any part, of the fight that you can acknowledge was your fault.  Or where you were wrong.  Let’s say the fight was because she set your bed on fire by accident.  Now you’re not about to say that was okay, but maybe you could acknowledge that if you had made your bed, the sheets wouldn’t have been touching the floor, where the gasoline she spilled could reach them!  (Don’t ask me how she got gasoline into your room or how it got lit – this dog’s imagination only goes so Continue reading

0 How to handle a stressful family

Mandy asks: I’m a young teen in need of help. Pressure and stress have gone to my head, and I have had enough with my family! My stepmother and biological mother are smothering me! I am tired of living. Can you give me something to raise my spirits? That’s really what I need right now.

Hi Mandy –

I know exactly how you feel!  And I can promise you one other thing – so does every person reading this!!!  EVERYONE goes through it!  Especially when you’re a teenager!

You might have heard of a famous actor named James Dean.  His most famous role was in a movie called “Rebel Without a Cause,” where he played a teenager pushed to the edge in lots of ways.  At the beginning of the movie, he gets in trouble with the cops, and his parents come to get him, arguing and worrying and criticizing and scolding until he finally screams, “You’re tearing me APART!”

Sound familiar?

Mandy, I would love to give you something to raise your spirits.  But I don’t know you well enough to know what kind of songs or jokes or food you like (for me: Artie Shaw, watching cats slip on bananas, and cheeseburgers!  Just in case you were wondering).

So instead, I’m going to make a point that I often do, but I think it just can’t be emphasized enough – This Will Pass.  It is very hard for teenagers to believe this, and there’s a very important reason for that.

In the last decade or so, scientists have discovered a fascinating thing about brain development.  By the time a kid becomes a teenager, their brain is fully complete, with one exception.  They don’t yet have a full sense of Time.  That sense isn’t full till one is 19 or so.

This is why teenagers are so passionate and intense (which is great) and why they so often feel that what they’re going through at the time will last forever.  (I love to point out that Shakespeare was totally right to have Romeo and Juliet be teenagers; if they were in their 20s, they’d have calmly worked to find a way to either make their parents get along, or sneak away.  So what a bore that play would have turned out to be!)

Mandy, it totally stinks that you’re having to go through all this with your mother and stepmother.  It’s not fair and it’s not reasonable.  But it is temporary!  The day will come when you can move out, or you can get them to treat you better.  But for now, my impassioned advice to you is to do what every dog in the world does when they’re left at home alone.  Trust that somehow, in some way, life will get good again.  And it almost always does.

And in the meantime…   songs, jokes, and food…  hey those can really help!

Cheers,

Shirelle

PS:  But if there’s anything I can suggest, to make dealing with these ladies easier, just let me know.  I’m always glad to help.

0 Liking someone who is only drawn to you when you pull away

TeenWolf2725 asks: I have another question about the guy I like. He is a good friend of mine, but it’s like an on-and-off relationship. I mean when I like him, he doesn’t like me, but when I start to forget about him, he seems to like me, and I don’t understand it. I need some help with this one.

Wow TeenWolf2725, I can totally relate!  You see, as a dog (or wolf), we tend to simply adore the ones we adore, and want to be with them all the time.  But there are other sorts, other animals, who are the exact opposite.  And you know what they’re called?  Cats!

Cats just hate getting attention and intimacy and closeness all the time.  They’ll let people pet them, purring and lapping it up, and then suddenly scratch at the person and run away.  Cats are drawn to people who ignore them (if you don’t believe me, watch a person with cat allergies at a party – cats will avoid everyone else and be rubbing on that person’s Continue reading

0 What to do when your father hits your sibling

Shae asks: What can a kid do when their father hits their sibling?

Hi Shae –

Thanks for your question about your father hitting your sibling.

Now I don’t know two very important things.  First, I don’t know where you live (and what the laws are there), and Second, I don’t know exactly how your father is doing this hitting.

I do know that, where I live, it is actually illegal for parents to hit their children unless it’s minor (the thing to remember is the three O’s – Open-Handed, Over the clothes, and On the Continue reading

0 How to deal with gossiping friends

Beautiful asks: If you and your friend were talking about some girl, but you really didn’t say much, but your friend went back and told the girl, would you go back and talk to your friend after that? My friend did this more than one time. And we were really close – she was my twin – but she did this to me.

Hi Beautiful –

Well, the first thought I have is that there’s a certain poetic justice here – that you two were (I imagine) gossiping about the girl, and then you got hurt because you were being gossiped about.  So one thought I have is that you might want to stop hanging around gossips, like this friend.  After all, if she’ll talk about that other girl, isn’t it only natural that she’d also talk about Continue reading

1 How to talk to others about a neurological condition

prettyndsweet12 asks: I have this condition called Myoclonus and it causes me to make these embarrassing jerking movements. Lots of people have been asking me questions about it, and I don’t know what to say. If I tell them what I have, then they will think I’m weird. Lots of people laugh and joke about me, and it makes me sad. I know it may help if I tell them, but at the same time it may make things worse for me. Please help me.

Hi prettyndsweet12 –

Thank you so much for your letter.  I had never heard of Myoclonus before, and I’m glad to learn about it – though very sorry you’re suffering from it.  (For those readers who also don’t know about it, there’s a lot of good information at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Myoclonus).

Of course I’m not a neurologist, so I can’t offer you any wisdom about the actual condition.  But as a loving dog, I can certainly offer you some ideas about the difficult situation it’s putting you through.

Most people are nice, sensitive, and kind.  Of course there are exceptions (there are lots of names for them: “Jerks” is one I use a lot, though “Ignoramuses” is perhaps more accurate), but I’m guessing that most of the people who are laughing probably don’t realize that they’re hurting you so much.  In fact, they might even think you’re just clowning around, when you’re actually just making movements you have no control over!

Because of this, the people who are suggesting that you tell people about the Myoclonus are probably right in most cases, but the tough part is figuring out when and how.  Do you introduce yourself, “Hi, my name is prettyndsweet12, and I have Myoclonus,” and then have to explain what it is?  Or do you wait till you make an involuntary movement and then say “Oh I didn’t mean to do that, it’s a neurological disorder I have?”  Or do you wait till they laugh or look concerned or ask?

The awful fact is that there is no perfect answer to this.  It reminds me of a friend of mine who lost half her leg in childhood.  She has a prosthetic limb, and can wear pants or tights and look like anyone else.  But then, when she meets new people, she’s stuck with that same question – when to tell them?  Especially when it comes to dating – do you talk about it too early or too late – it never feels just right.

I can, however, tell you one thing that is almost always true.  You don’t need to worry that, if someone asks you about your condition, you telling them will make them think you’re “weird.”  Again, there are jerks out there who might say such things, but everyone else will be the exact opposite.  They’ll appreciate your honesty about it, they’ll want to put you at ease, and they’ll actually let you into their heart in a special way, realizing the tough time you’re having.  A simple line like “It’s a neurological condition called Myoclonus” will probably be enough to ease the situation.  If someone wants to know more, then you can either tell them about it or suggest they look it up, depending on what you’d like at that time.

But what needs to change is that those people you mention are out there joking about your pain.  It’s really important that they learn the truth – that you’re not stupid or attention-grabbing or weird, or anything else.  Your condition is no more “weird” than the hiccups every one of them has had, or coughing or sneezing.  If you’re uncomfortable telling them about the Myoclonus, maybe you could get a friend or an adult to talk to them about it.

Or here’s my favorite thought – if this is happening at school – you could do a report about it.  Imagine what it would do to those laughers if you got up in class and gave a presentation about it in detail.  Any joke about it would be shown up for the idiocy it is – the joker would be seen by everyone as ignorant.

Which they are.  But ignorance isn’t a crime.  After all, until I got your letter, I was ignorant about Myoclonus too.

The crime is in being a jerk about Myoclonus once one knows about it.  And your telling people about it is the one way to stop most of that from happening, and reveal those who still do it for what they are.

Thank you for your honesty and bravery.  You’ve made me and all our readers into better mammals for the experience!

Be Strong!

Shirelle

0 How to deal with terrible times

KayceeSimone asks: This year has been extremely hard for me. On the 22nd of Feb this year there was a major earthquake, which made me stress and stop eating. Following that, in July, my dad’s father passed away followed by his mother on October 31st. I am really struggling to come to terms with all this and it is affecting my health mentally, emotionally and physically, and also my schooling. Just recently, my mum split up with my step-dad. I have never had a stable home, and I’m getting close to every guy she’s with then she just takes that away from me. Just recently I have been bullied at school and got punched in the face. I’m at my wits end and I’m afraid I’m going to do something stupid! PLEASE HELP ME! I’M DESPERATE :,(

Hi KayceeSimone –

Sometimes life is nice.  Sometimes it’s absolutely grand.  Sometimes it’s grey and depressing.  And then sometimes it’s absolutely horrible.  And you’re living in that category right now.  I’m so sorry.  I wish I could just run over to your house and jump up on your bed and lick your face till all your tears were gone and you were Continue reading

1 Why would my ex’s new girlfriend be jealous of me

Lovelyme asks: I have a problem and I honestly don’t know what should I do. My ex boyfriend has a girlfriend he dated before me; however they got back together after we broke up. Every time I see them they are hugging up or she’s under him, and it’s irritating to see that. Sometime it makes me disgusted with the both of them. I’ve talked with her, but she never mentions him around me (except to whisper about him to other people, even my cousin). One time she posted a facebook status and I “liked” it and she wrote me telling me she wasn’t talking about me. I really don’t know what it is. Could it be that I’m jealous or that I still like him?

Hi Lovelyme –

I guess I see two things going on here.  First, your ex-boyfriend and this girl are going to an awful lot of trouble to show their relationship off, which makes me think there’s something insincere about it.  And the fact that she acts so weird to you about it makes me think she’s feeling the same.  I wonder if she worries about how he feels about Continue reading