Category Archives for "Adults"

0 How to avoid depression and anxiety

Imran asks: How can I avoid depression, anxiety, phobias, etc. How can I make good relations with others and enjoy my life?

Hi Imran –

Hmm…  If you’re asking how you can avoid sadness and worry, then I suppose the answer is to not ever care about anything.  Life creates both, and that’s nothing to… well… be sad or worry about!

However, your question uses bigger words than that.  Depression can be a terrible state, leading to misery, lost years from your life, or even death.  Anxiety and phobias can be equally bad.  These can be huge problems.

Really, the difference is probably in how quickly you Continue reading

0 What’s the best method for teaching children?

khinnyinethu asks: What is the best method for teaching children? How important are exams?

Hi khinnyinethu –

This question is asked all over the place today, though often it’s tied in with a caveat of “within a shrinking budget.”  Obviously, I’m a huge believer in the importance of children’s education, and wish that more humans would devote more funds to it, since, as the song says “I believe the children are our future!”  In fact, can anyone possibly disagree?!

There are more theories of education out there than I could possibly list, or even know.  But I do know a few things about kids, that I think should be included in any method of teaching them.

First of all, children’s brains are twice the size of dogs’ brains, but at the core they’re the same.  So humans shouldn’t lose sight of what dog trainers know:  Keep it as simple as you can, be direct and consistent, and know that rewards work better than Continue reading

0 How to help a friend through grief

NARDY asks: My best friend is sad because her father died. She is always upset and when I speak to my other friends she always asks me to stay with her. I’m trying to make her happy, but I can’t. What can I do?

Hi NARDY –

My friend, you’re dealing with one of the toughest issues there is.  Actually you’re dealing with two.

Grief is always difficult, and everybody has to go through it.  There are small griefs (like when an ice cream cone falls on the ground before you can eat it), and really painful ones (like when someone you’re dating breaks up with you), and then there are those griefs that are so awful they change your entire way of living and seeing the Continue reading

0 What to do with a boyfriend who treats you badly

brena asks: I am having problems with my boyfriend. He keeps lying to me and he blames me for everything that happens in our relationship. He does not pay me as much attention as he did once and he thinks he is always right, never admitting that he is wrong. He hardly calls or texts me; instead he texts his friends and that bothers me. Whenever anything goes wrong in his life, he tells his friends first before telling me, and that hurts. I talked to him about it and it seems as if he does not care. He also shouts at me at times. I really do love him but I am sick of it and I don’t know what to do. Please help me. I really want this to work out.

Hi brena –

Now I don’t give a lot of advice like this.  As you know, I tend to be a big romantic.  But if we go over what you’ve told me, your boyfriend:

1)    blames you for everything in the relationship

2)    isn’t paying much attention to you

3)    feels he’s always right and never admits being wrong

4)    hardly ever calls or texts you (but does text his other friends)

5)    talks to his friends before you

6)    doesn’t seem to care when you tell him your feelings

7)    and shouts at you.

Now of course, no one’s perfect, and relationships are hard.  But I have to say, brena, this guy sounds to me like a big bunch of Continue reading

0 How to tell a friend they’re being judgmental

prettyndweet12 asks: Lately I feel like my friend is acting more like my mom than my friend. Every time I say I miss my crush, or that I like another boy, she’s always giving me lectures on how I need to enjoy my summer and stop thinking about boys all the time and just chill. I understand if she’s saying it once just for friendly advice, but its almost everything I say that seems wrong to her, and its gotten to the point where I’m afraid to say things to her because she’s so judgmental! How do I let her know to stop without being mean or wrecking our friendship?

Hi prettyndsweet12 –

I’ll give you an answer, but first I can’t resist asking a question:  Why is it that your friend doesn’t worry about whether she’s being mean or wrecking your friendship?!  Endless bossing is really annoying!!

Anyway, what you’re really asking is how to handle this issue without hurting her.

One mistake I see humans do all the time is to worry too much about hurting the other person’s feelings, to the degree that they hurt them even more.  For example, Handsome was once dating a woman, and it wasn’t going well.  He really wanted to split up.  But he knew it would hurt her feelings a lot if he did.  So he thought it would be really smart if he proved to her that she was important to him, and that even if they broke up he’d still care about her.  So he took her out to a great dinner, a fun concert, fun stuff afterwards… and then he broke up with her.  And did she say “Oh thank you Handsome, that took all the hurt away?”  Not a Continue reading

0 How to find one’s feminine energy

Lovedino123lady asks: How do you be more ladylike and girly?

Hi Lovedino123lady –

Well, my friend, no one has ever accused me of being ladylike.  If I’m compared to anyone in that famous movie about dogs, I’m way more Tramp than Lady!  But I’ll try to help you out anyway.

The fact that you’re asking me this question probably means that you have a sense of what appears more girly or ladylike:  wearing dresses instead of pants, sashaying around instead of walking with direction, not punching or biting anyone!

But I don’t think that’s what you’re really asking about.  I think what you’re really after is how to increase your Continue reading

0 How to improve one’s English

Tran Cam asks: I’m from Vietnam, I’ve been studying English at Planet American English School for three months. But I’m having a hard time with it. Do you have any suggestions, to help me out?

Hi Tran Cam –

I really have to bow to you, Tran Cam.  English is an incredibly hard language to learn!  Due to the history behind it, it is a mixture of so many different languages; and due to the amount of exploration the British Empire had, it has so many different sounds!  Do you realize that, in Chaucer’s day, pronunciation of English made Continue reading

0 What to do when you’re surrounded by negative people

aditi asks: I am surrounded by people filled with negative thoughts. It’s really difficult to recognize who’s real and who isn’t. I don’t have any questions about anything for you, Shirelle, but I just need to find someone to listen to me, and talk. How do I find the right person?

Hi aditi –

I certainly understand your plight.  If more people were less negative, I wouldn’t have this website!  The whole purpose of this site is to help defeat the negativity people carry around in their lives.  I’ve spent my whole life seeing people who I think are just wonderful having the worst attitudes toward themselves and others.  It’s really heartbreaking!

So one “person” you can talk with is me, and I’m glad you thought to do so.  But beyond my fine self, I really recommend two other things.

First, as I do so often here, I’ll recommend that you find a Continue reading

0 How to get assistance for HIV

Winnie asks: Where can I take my 16-year-old boy who is HIV positive for assistance?

Hi Winnie –

I am so deeply sorry about your son.  While doctors have done a really amazing job of finding ways to control HIV, since it showed up just three decades ago, it is still a terrifying situation to live in.

Winnie, I don’t know where you live, but most governments have special Continue reading

0 Why I’m unkind to my spouse

barry asks: I have problems with my husband. I have a bad temper and whenever my husband asks me about something, I just answer him quarreling. And I lie to him a lot. What can I do to control this? I do love him a lot.

Hi barry –

I’m glad you say you love your husband.  And clearly he must love you too, if you’re as difficult as you describe!  So you’re starting from a good place!

My immediate sense is that there’s something you’re very uncomfortable about, and it makes you a little defensive.  After all, if you’re feeling fine about yourself, why would you react to him with anger, or often Continue reading