Category Archives for "Adults"

2 How to deal with someone else getting everyone’s attention and interest

Arjai101 asks: This guy at school just really gets on my nerves because everyone acts like the world revolves around him. Example: I compose my own classical piece on the guitar and it took me weeks nobody gives a care, he repeats the exact same punch line/ joke for the millionth time EVERYONE CARES. It’s like everyone cares about him at school and nobody notices anything that I do even if it took me forever whether its writing, basketball, chess, music I feel like no one at school gives a care. My friends are slowly drifting away and I feel like I have nothing to hold on to. He is ruining my life! He just dominates everything, so everyone cares. And it really hurts a lot. What should I do? I feel like I’m just drowning and there’s nobody here to save me.

Hi Arjai101 –

It sounds to me like you’re dealing with a very odd concept called Charisma.  Some people have tons of it, and others have little or none.  Charisma is that quality that makes someone exciting, attractive, and super-relevant to others.  All successful politicians have it; most movie and singing stars have it; and super-popular kids in school definitely have it.

What causes Charisma?  Well, good looks help, but some charismatic people aren’t wildly beautiful.  Intelligence, strength, and accomplishment help as well, but also aren’t absolutely necessary.  It really seems to be a mixture of a number of qualities.

But I do think there’s one quality that Charismatic people always have, which is a healthy (or unhealthy) level of something called Continue reading

7 Insanity and Super-Sanity …some thoughts about the inconceivable

Insanity and Super-Sanity …some thoughts about the inconceivable

In the last week, I’ve seen just about as much bad news as I can take.  From politicians with their endless arguing, to constant wars and close-to-wars between countries, to continuing economic malaise and environmental collapse… and these are what we’re so used to that we regard it all as “normal.”

But other things aren’t so normal.  In Colorado in the U.S., some men broke into a house, doused the people there with gasoline, and set two on fire.  In Hunan Province in China, a man ran into a school with a knife and stabbed or cut twenty-one children.  And in the state of Connecticut, a young man strode into a school with two guns, killing twenty children and six adults, including himself – apparently after murdering his mother.  All these on the same day!

Humans’ minds are programmed to, when horrible incidents happen, instantly ask “Why.”  We dogs don’t do that; our brains stay much more In The Moment, and we just focus on what we’re feeling and what to do right then.

So when the news came out about this horrible Connecticut shooting, all the people around me started arguing – about why this all happened, and what needs to be done differently – while I just lay on the floor and felt my heart break.

You see, there are a lot of intelligent views out there on what might help prevent incidents like this being so bad in the future.  Stronger security in schools, making it harder for people to get guns, etc.  But none of those deal with the core issue at the heart of this, and all these, events:

The people who did them were Insane.

 

But what do I mean by that?  Well, I looked up the word Insane online, and found two serious definitions:  First: The state of being seriously mentally ill; or Madness.  And second: Extreme foolishness or irrationality.  Now you’ll hear other sorts of pretend definitions (Albert Einstein famously said that Insanity is defined by someone doing the same thing over and over again while expecting different results), but those are really just people talking about things that fit those other two definitions.

 

Now, sure, we all do things that are foolish or irrational.  And we might refer to those actions as “insane,” but when we talk about someone running into a school to cut children, we are definitely talking about the other definition: serious mental illness, or madness.  The really really bad stuff.

But let’s be honest: When you think about it, it’s pretty amazing that we don’t see more madness in the world.  Think of how often something goes wrong with someone’s leg, or neck, or stomach.  Why shouldn’t things go wrong with brains just as frequently?

Of course, lots of things do go wrong with brains, that don’t result in anything like this.  Older people tend to get very forgetful, some people need to wash their hands strangely often, while others get deeply depressed.  But it’s pretty amazing how rarely a person totally snaps and starts doing horrible things like this.

 

Which brings up a really interesting question:  It’s also a rare occurrence when someone writes a really great song, or invents a new medicine.  But no one calls them Insane for doing so.  So what’s the difference?

It comes down to this – there are certain core qualities that are universal, and what we call “Insanity” is what occurs when someone acts in a way that goes totally against those qualities.

Now you may not have any inclination to music composition, but you’d probably feel pretty good if you happened to write the most popular song since “Gangnam Style.”  You certainly wouldn’t feel that doing so goes against who and what you are.  Similarly, you might absolutely stink at science classes, but if you happened to invent the cure for cancer, I’ll bet you’d feel downright great about it!

Humans have certain innate qualities, just as we dogs do.  For example, normal humans might get involved in wars, but they would never normally want to randomly kill people in their own society, especially children.  Every instinct in a normal human tells them to love and protect children (even if they’re the sort who doesn’t especially like kids very much!).  Humans also naturally have a quality called Empathy, which means they’ll imagine they feel something someone else experiences (you know how your mouth pulls in if you see someone else suck on a lemon?!).

To do something like these horrible recent acts means that those humans didn’t have these normal qualities.  Maybe they were born without them, or maybe they had some experiences that made them block them out.  But even that’s not an explanation for what they did; they had to choose to do these things.  Imagine waking up one morning and thinking “Well it’s a nice day outside.  I think I’ll have some breakfast and straighten up my desk, and then I’ll go throw gasoline on some strangers and light them on fire.”  It doesn’t make sense, does it?

That’s Insanity.  It’s something that’s so bizarre that it boggles the mind when one tries to imagine it.

 

Dogs can go Insane too.  Every instinct in us tells us to protect our loved ones, and give them all the affection we can.  But there’s a disease called Rabies, which, if a dog gets it, will make it attack everyone around, including those it loves most.  (You might have seen a movie or read a book called “Old Yeller,” one of the best dog stories ever written, which has a terrifying depiction of Rabies that no reader or viewer ever forgets.)

So is there a cure for Insanity?  Is there a way to make the world Insanity-free?  Sadly, no.  As I said before, there are ways to try to reduce its danger – by keeping guns out of crazy people’s hands, by having good police and security, and of course by having easily-accessible mental health services.  But some dog out there is still going to go crazy and bite people, and some human is still going to… well… do the same.

 

But here’s what you can do.  Decide what you think is Super-Sane.  The opposite of Insane.  Maybe you think it’s Super-Sane to give some food to a hungry person.  Maybe you think it’s Super-Sane to tell your family you love them, or hug a friend.  Maybe you think it’s Super-Sane to get involved politically for a cause you believe in.  Maybe you think it’s Super-Sane to pray for goodness and sanity and love.

Who knows, maybe you think it’s Super-Sane to go pet a dog, or even adopt a pet who might otherwise never get a home!  That was sure the Super-Sanest thing Handsome ever did (in my opinion, anyway)!

You see, when you do something Super-Sane, you actually make the world a better place.  And who knows, maybe you’ll do something so good that you’ll keep someone else out there from going Insane, or from acting on their worst feelings.  I can’t guarantee it, but it is possible.

 

So be Sanity!  Get out there and live the Super-Sanest life you possibly can.

And meanwhile, one Super-Sane thing I can do is to say to all of you… thanks for everything!  You’re the best pals a pooch ever had.

And have an INSANELY great 2013!!!

 

Cheers,

Shirelle

Health Care: what’s all the yelling about?!

Health Care: what’s all the yelling about?!

(Originally included with Pawprint #1, November 2010)

It seems like all the grownup humans are talking about these days is Health Care. Adding to Health Care, taking away Health Care, reforming Health Care.

When I first heard all this talk, I had great hopes: Maybe they’ll finally agree with me and decide I don’t have to get any more shots!

Because oh I hate shots! Shots in the neck, shots in the foot, shots in the rump! I’m a big believer in equality and justice, and so, if it’s okay for a veterinarian to puncture me with a needle, I think it’s only fair I should be allowed to return the favor with a fang or two!

And oooooooh, there’s one thing that’s even worse than shots. Most kids never get these, but have you ever seen one of those vaccinations where they squirt it up your nose?! Now remember, a dog’s nose is way more sensitive than a person’s. So me getting one of those is like someone squirting a lemon into your eye! And then they sit around and talk about it being good for me?! Give me a break! Stupid rotten nose-squirt shot-giving meanies!

Okay, sorry, I had to have a little tantrum there. The truth is, I trust what Handsome tells me, and he insists that all these crazy things the doctors do – injecting me with this, taking that out of me, squirting whatever up my nose, groping me here and there, and even scraping my teeth – are really important and good for my health.

Most importantly, he says that they do all this for two main reasons – for me to feel good and energetic, and for me to live longer. Well I’m all for those, so if I have to suffer a few strange activities, I guess it’s worth it.

 

But that isn’t really what the Health Care debate is about, is it? I don’t hear any Representatives or Senators complaining about big needles. Their debate is really about insurance. And all the talk about insurance gets really complicated, but at its core, it’s actually pretty simple.

It’s like when we dogs get bones. We could enjoy them right away when we get them, and often we do. But we also like to bury them, so that on a day when we don’t have anything fresh to eat, we can go dig that bone up and satisfy our hunger.

 

Now imagine if a whole pack of dogs did that, buried some bones so that any member of the pack could get one when they needed it. That’s what an insurance company does – you pay a little money to it every month so that there will be a lot of money there for anyone who gets sick or hurt, enough to pay for them to get fixed up.

Now imagine that the leaders of that dog pack decide that all dogs should have to put bones in every month, and that that way all the pack members will be sure to not starve. Sounds good, right?

But maybe one dog says “I’m such a good hunter I won’t ever need a buried bone, so I want to keep my bones for myself.” And another says “I don’t like Fido over there, so I won’t put a bone in if there’s a chance he’ll get it.” And another says “But there are too many of us, we’ll run out of bones!” While at the same time, lots of the other dogs are saying that this is the only fair way for the pack to take care of its members, and anyone against it is being selfish and stupid!

Pretty complicated, isn’t it? Well that’s basically what they’re all yelling about, as far as I can tell. Most countries have some sort of a Health Care plan, and the one that we’re beginning in the United States is different from any other. So we’ll have to see how it works out over time.

 

But for right now, all I can say is, whether it’s paid for by the government, or an insurance company, or right out of Handsome’s pocket, the only thing I like about going to the veterinarian’s office is being done with it! When they give me a cookie, and let me take it in my mouth as I run full-speed out the door!

 

– Shirelle

 

How to play pop music if you’re trained as a classical musician

arjai101 asks: I play guitar but I don’t play the kind of guitar everyone knows worldwide. I play classical guitar, which is basically Beethoven on a guitar. Which in some cases is scary. People ask me everyday why I can run my fingers up and down the frets of a guitar at incredibly high speed with single notes, but not strum a few chords. It may seem like its not a problem but it is. I want to learn acoustic guitar but, my parents won’t sign me up for anymore music activities because I’m in three already, and the classes I take are the most expensive in town. I want to teach myself but my schedule is really busy. Plus, when I do take the time to teach myself, it doesn’t do much, because there’s something about the yell of a thick European accent that makes one the best guitarist in the school. So what should I do to teach myself acoustic guitar?

Hi arjai101 –

 

 

Before I answer, I need to ask you a favor.  I understand everything in your question except the part at the end about the “yell of a thick European accent that makes one the best guitarist in the school.”  Are you saying a European-accented yell is good, or not?

 

Either way though…

 

Well, the news is good.  Very good.  Classical guitar, piano, or just about anything else, is usually the hardest technique to master.  As a dog, I adore pretty much anything that sounds good, and so I loooooove classical guitar!  Spanish malaguena, Bach’s lute music, I adore it all.  And there is very little about acoustic folk-rock guitar you would need to learn, if you can play all that.

 

Really, it’s about the Continue reading

How do we know if online offers are real?

my sweet heart asks: At times when you are face booking you come across an email message informing you that you have been awarded a prize lets say by Mercedes Benz company, in the Mercedes Benz promotion and you have to contact the bank where your prize have been deposited. And in the process of claiming your prize the internet fraudsters crops in falsifying the information that you have to pay them some charges for delivery of parcels into your local country. Do you think this is possible?

Hi my sweet heart –

 

 

I don’t know any specifics about this particular issue, but I can say that the internet seems to have provided scam artists more opportunities than they’ve ever had before, to do all sorts of shady deals on people.

 

If it becomes a big deal (which I would think it would be if it were on Facebook,) there’s a site I’m a huge fan of, that is worth checking out.  It’s www.snopes.com.  It’s a site dedicated to checking out the Continue reading

How to help a friend who’s drawn to the same sort of guy who’s hurt her before

sazuna45 asks: A friend of mine went through a bad breakup two years ago. Her ex (who happens to be a ‘bad guy’ in the most decent language) dumped her on the phone and started dating another girl on the same week! (What an idiot!) Anyways, the problem is, my friend can’t move on. She got asked out by another guy, but she said she needs some time and she’ll answer him later. That guy is better, and he’ll probably take care of her, but he’s also a player. Better than her ex, but still a player. She shouldn’t say yes but she thinks she can move on if she dates another guy! I promised her I’d give her advice before she gives her answer and so I need suggestions from you. Can you please give me some advice? 🙂

Hi sazuna45 –

 

You know, the more I look at humans, the more I respect many things about them, but also, the more I find some aspects of them really silly.

 

Now I understand that if I get a chance to eat four pizzas in one night, I’m going to feel really bad in the morning, but if I get another chance to eat four pizzas I’m going to do exactly the same thing!  But when it comes to relationships, I take care of myself better than that.  I tend to run up and jump on people and assume they’ll like it, but if one of them kicks me, I’m going to avoid that person from then on.  And if I sense that someone else is going to be just like them, I’ll tend to avoid them too.  I don’t mean that it’s a great idea to be prejudiced about people, but I do believe in paying attention to what’s really Continue reading

What are a teenager’s options if they realize they like someone who likes them?

arjai101 asks: There’s this guy who seems to like me, and I think I like him back. Only thing is I don’t know how to deal with the situation now that I know what I want. I’ve never had a boyfriend before and my schedule is pretty hectic. I know it seems like I’m avoiding it, but its only because I don’t know what to do? How should I approach the situation, and what are my options?

Hi arjai101 –

Your question is a gigantic one, and a very smart one.  So many teens rush into relationships, thinking that they need to act like they know what they’re doing, when they don’t at all!  You’re being very smart.  You “think” you like this guy back, and you don’t know what to do.

So my first advice is… stay cautious!  I don’t mean that there’s any reason to fear him, but just let things take their time.  He’s showing you he’s interested, so give him the chance to Continue reading

Why do we feel so uncomfortable when we see someone we’re attracted to?

burger143 asks: Why do I always feel uncomfortable every time I see my special someone? Is there anyway to stop this feeling?

Hi burger143 –

What you’re describing is absolutely universal.  When we feel (and yes I mean “we” – even we dogs have this!) a huge fondness for someone, everything about them becomes enormously important.  So the sort of stomach-ache you might normally feel only before a big test or speech will show up every time that “special someone” appears!  After all, if that person smiles at you, your world is glorious; if they don’t, you’re devastated.  So your body is just reacting to the stress that causes!

The only way to stop that feeling is to stop Continue reading

1 How to get someone to stop pursuing you

Crystal asks: There’s a man who has been crazy in Love with me for about five years. I don’t feel anything for him, and I don’t want to. He is good at studying and can say is a good guy, but he is not my type. He is one year my senior and we are in same grade in high school. He is poor and we have different religions. Furthermore, he said he can’t stop this and thinks he’ll feel it forever. Whenever he sends a message to me, I have always ignored it because I’m getting bored with this. What should I do?

Hi Crystal –

This is very hard for me to say, because I am a hugely romantic-minded dog, and love the idea of forever-romance.  But the fact is, this guy is wrong.  His feelings for you will not last forever.

Look, I’m a dog, and no one loves stronger and more passionately than we do.  But if we like someone who consistently ignores or rejects, or even lashes out, at us, we’ll eventually stop being interested in them.  And similarly, if we have an owner we love enormously, who sells or gives us away to someone else, we’ll learn to love those new owners in just that way (though it might take a long time), and kind of forget our first ones.

Now humans have much bigger brains than we do, which makes you smarter and more stubborn!  So I’m not saying that getting this guy to move on in his life will be as easy as it would be if he were a Schnauzer.  But the truth is, he will move on.

Your job is to find ways to make it happen Continue reading

How to handle a rebellious teenager who’s not even yours

sika asks: I have a 15 year old nephew. He has being staying with me for 4 months now. He does not respect me, nor my husband whom I married only a year ago. His behavior has brought constant argument between my husband and me, and he wants him to go back to his parents, but I am afraid it will bring sibling rivalry. Please, I need advice.

Hi sika –

What a tough situation!  It sounds like you and your husband are really trapped.

But, I would guess, your nephew feels the same way.  I’m wondering why he’s staying at your house – did his parents want him to leave their home?  If so, he’s probably feeling very unwanted and rejected, which might explain his general anger and disrespect (Lots of dogs in the pound behaved that way too; they didn’t tend to get bought by customers, but they were so angry and scared they didn’t even Continue reading

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