What are a teenager’s options if they realize they like someone who likes them?

arjai101 asks: There’s this guy who seems to like me, and I think I like him back. Only thing is I don’t know how to deal with the situation now that I know what I want. I’ve never had a boyfriend before and my schedule is pretty hectic. I know it seems like I’m avoiding it, but its only because I don’t know what to do? How should I approach the situation, and what are my options?

Hi arjai101 –

Your question is a gigantic one, and a very smart one.  So many teens rush into relationships, thinking that they need to act like they know what they’re doing, when they don’t at all!  You’re being very smart.  You “think” you like this guy back, and you don’t know what to do.

So my first advice is… stay cautious!  I don’t mean that there’s any reason to fear him, but just let things take their time.  He’s showing you he’s interested, so give him the chance to do something about it.  If you worry you’re being too off-putting, you can always be friendly and talk with him, just as you would with any other friend.  But there’s nothing wrong with letting him make the first move.

Now you ask about “options.”  Here are your options: You can do whatever you want!  If you like, you can ask him out, or you can wait for him to ask you out.  You can send him a “secret admirer” note, or ignore him.  You can tell your friends you like him, in hopes he finds out, or you can keep this just between us.  And if you go out, you can find out everything there is to know about him, or forget him.  You can marry him or dump him.

It’s totally up to you.

And here’s what I especially like about that, arjai101: I want you to KEEP remembering that you have the right to your own pace and actions.  So many teenage girls feel they need to do things they’re not comfortable with, in order to win or keep a boy.  Nope.  If he really likes you, he’ll stick around; and if he needs things you’re not okay with, he can find them somewhere else.

This is a magical time in your life.  So many things are new and exciting.  Which is fantastic, so enjoy them!  It’s like when I walk outdoors into a field the morning after a rain.  All the smells are just overwhelming, and I just have to stand there for a minute and sniff them all.  Later I’ll run through the field, chase animals, dig some, and have a great time.  But first, I just need to soak it all up.

So do the same.  The only thing that should not be an option is anything you know you’d regret.  Don’t go too fast or too far, and it’ll be okay.  And if this funny guy becomes your first boyfriend, then that’s fantastic.  And if he doesn’t… there’ll be another.

It’s a supreme new time for you, my friend!  Enjoy, savor every moment… and let me know what happens!!




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