Category Archives for "Adults"

0 What to do when your friends have romantic problems with each other

Cinderrella asks: I have a problem with some friends, a guy and girl. They both like each other very much, but the girl says she isn’t ready yet to date, so this guy is always coming to find out if she really likes him or not. Since I’m pretty close with both of them, the girl asks me not to tell him anything. I try doing that, but he just doesn’t back off. I don’t want to be mean to him, so what do I do?

Hi Cinderrella  –

I have lots of posts on here about dating issues, but I don’t think that’s the real problem here.  What’s really going on is that your two friends are putting you in the middle of a problem that has absolutely nothing to do with you!

It’s hard, because you’re a nice person who cares about both your friends.  But the truth is that both of them are putting pressure on you that’s really pretty unfair.  I think your job is to stand up for yourself and set some boundaries, without pushing either of them away.

One great way to do it is to be extremely clear.  To say something like “Because I love both of you, I’m going to step out from all of this.  You have to tell each other what you want to the other to know.  But I value you both and so won’t be a mediator between you anymore.”  And if that is enough to get them to stop trying to pull you in, then that’s great.

But what if they don’t?  What if you say that and they just keep making you part of their stuff?  In that case, I’d suggest you get a bit harsher.  Like to say to them “Look, I’m sorry but I just refuse to be part of this. You’re just going to have to work it out yourselves!”  And if that doesn’t work?  Probably you need to be simpler at it:  “No!  I am not part of this!”

The funny thing is that, while it feels like you’re being harsh and unfriendly to them, you’re actually being a better friend.  And you’re definitely doing a better job of holding on to your friendship (since couples often blame the third-party for anything that goes wrong!).

So be strong Cinderrella, and keep those friends.  In the long run, they’ll appreciate it!

Cheers,
Shirelle

0 Why do guys like sex?

lady Ritzy asks: Hi dear Shirelle. Why do guys like sex???

Hi Lady Ritzy –

What a funny question.  But I guess it’s really a profound one.  My problem is that you could be asking one or more of three questions, so I’m going to try to answer all of them as best as a doggy can.

First, if you’re asking in terms of biology, most all beings above a certain cellular level reproduce by mating, so there’s an urge in them all for the mating act.  In the higher mammals (including dogs and humans) there is a mixture of sensitive parts of the body liking certain feelings and very powerful urges of attraction.  Although there are billions of exceptions, the majority of cases in these mammals involve the male being the most driven to the Continue reading

0 How does one start conversations with people or dogs?

Vaibhav asks: I can’t talk much with people, especially girls. I can talk with my friends and their parents easily, but with other people it’s hard for me. I’m scared of street dogs also. So can you talk me out of it?

Hi Vaibhav –

Regarding speaking to girls, of course it’s always harder to be “at ease” when you’re with someone where there’s more at stake.  You’re fine with your friends and their parents because you’re comfortable in the knowledge that they’ll accept you as you are, to the complete degree that you want.  But if that’s not the case, and you want and need especially to be accepted by them, and in particular ways, absolutely you’ll be stymied.  I’m great at greeting strangers in a park, but if one of them is holding a hot Italian Sub sandwich, I’m going to be a lot more nervous around them, and worry about how I’m appearing to them, so they’ll like me and want to give me… well… all of it.  And yes, Vaibhav, to a large portion of the population, girls are a hot Italian Sub sandwich!!!

My main trick for talking with people you don’t know and you want to accept you is to ask them about Continue reading

0 How to get over fears about trust

Fruitloop asks: I am16 years old, and have MAJOR trust issues I would like to get over. I don’t know why I have these issues – I have a good family life and my parents are nothing but kind to me. I have had a lot of friend issues though, and I think that is my problem. I feel as though as soon as I get close to someone I get scared because of my past, because if they find out I’m afraid that they will avoid me :/. Help me please!

Hi Fruitloop –

Trust is one of the toughest issues anyone ever has to deal with.  Sure, it’s understandable when someone’s suffered horrible abuse, but it’s still a problem when someone has, like you, had a relatively good experience in this life!

Where do your trust issues come from?  Maybe you’re just a person with a nervous temperament, and so you’ve always been a worrier and will always be one.  Or maybe your parents are untrusting, and so, while they’ve always been good to you, you’ve learned from them to be concerned about others.  Or of course, maybe you have had some experiences that have left you less trusting of your Continue reading

0 How to start conversations with a crush

lady Ritzy asks: Hi – This is a really great site!  I’m 14 and live in Iran (though I’ll be leaving the country soon).  I really love my cousin, like a lover, but my pride never lets me tell him so.  My mind and my heart always tell me that he loves me too, but I can`t tell him my real feelings.  He is quiet and understanding, and has told me several times “you are so pretty,” but my stupid pride won`t let me talk to him.  He’s about four years older than me – what would be a good subject to start conversations with?

Hi lady Ritzy –

This is such an interesting question!  You see, in the US, where I live, it’s considered very bad for cousins to get involved romantically.  In fact, it’s usually illegal!  Whereas I understand that in Iran, romance and even marriage between cousins is very normal and traditional.  So I have to get out of my mindset, and relate to your question on your terms (This is a great skill for all of us to work on!!).

So you’re dealing with two major problems that I can see.  First, you’re loving a guy whose feelings you’re not sure about, and second, he’s four years older than you.  There are lots of postings on my site about the first problem.  But basically they all come down to the fact that, if you want to find out what he feels, you’ve got to do something to show something of your feelings, and see his Continue reading

0 What to do with a friend who’s told you difficult information

Cinderrella asks: My friend just told me today about her family problems. I don’t know why, but now suddenly I feel bad for her and I don’t know how to act towards her anymore. Should I ignore it and go back to the way things were? Wouldn’t that be selfish of me?

Hi Cinderrella –

Your problem is a really common one.  You’ve had a certain way of dealing with your friend for a long time – probably very casual, friendly, maybe joking.  And suddenly she told you something really serious about her life, and now you don’t know how to act with her.

The tough part of this is that it was probably very hard for her to talk to you about these problems, and while you didn’t mean it this way, your actions might look like you’re upset with her for her Continue reading

0 How to deal with mixed signals from someone you like

xxxDarkMusicLoverxxx asks: Remember when I asked you about my best friend? Well now a friend of mine is going to have a quinceanera, and I am a Dama and so need to find a guy to dance with. I want to ask him my best friend, but lately it seems like he doesn’t want to talk to me at all… I really want to ask him if he will dance with me…but I have a feeling that he got back 2gether with the girl he’s in love with…and I am hurting so much right now! I really want to tell him how I feel bout him but I don’t know what he would say. Also when I told him I might be going to the mall about 2 days ago, he said to tell him which mall because he might go and show up like a creepy stalker person. And another time he freaked me out by texting me to call because the girl he’s in love with was beating him and stuff. I couldn’t call him at the time so… I don’t know what to do and what to say… Please help me… I feel so lost! 🙁

Hi xxxDarkMusicLoverxxx!

My friend, your situation just seems to get more and more complex!  I totally want to sniff this guy out, and maybe then I can tell when he’s telling the truth, when he’s being coy, and when he doesn’t really know what he’s feeling at all!  I completely understand how his behavior is driving you nuts – it’s almost got me there too!!!

And so here’s my point.  Your main problem right now isn’t about your relationship, or your friend’s 15th birthday party.  It’s the craziness this guy is making you go through!  So your job is to find a way to get out of this wackiness.  And I think the best way is going to be for you to ask him to Continue reading

0 How to keep your weight down when your family feeds you too much

Naima asks: How can I lose weight quickly, when my mother wants me to keep eating for my health, and eat fattening food?

Hi Naima –

Great question, and there is a trick to it.  Lots of times grownups want their kids to eat a lot, with the idea that eating big amounts makes them healthy.  While the kid might want to eat less, to lose weight, in order to look better.  Now as we all know, eating way too much or way too little can be really harmful.  So your mother might be right, to the degree that she wants you to eat enough to be strong and healthy – but you’re right, to the degree that you don’t want a lot of fattening foods.

The solution is for you to make certain demands about what foods you eat, and then you won’t have to worry so much about how much you eat.

Vegetables and fruits are really the key here.  Lots of people just have them on the side of their meals – say they eat a big slab of meat with a big potato or load of pasta, and a little salad on the side.  Or for breakfast they’ll have eggs, sausage, bacon, pancakes, toast… and a tiny glass of Continue reading

0 Tips to make hard studying easier

Vaibhav asks: To get some relief from my boring study timetable I do some yoga every morning, and that really helps me to improve my skills. Can you suggest any idea to make my study a little more easy? And here in India we are celebrating Diwali. So HAPPY DIWALI to you!

Hi Vaibhav –

Well, of course dogs never study.  We have training sessions or obedience classes, but once they’re over, we’re usually free to run and bark and sniff around.  We’ve never quite mastered the concept of Homework (and I truly hope we never do!!!).

But from what I’ve seen and heard of others, I can throw a few suggestions for easier studying your way:

1)      Concentration is usually the key.  If you can keep focused on what you’re supposed to be focused on, studying goes immensely faster than if you’re Continue reading

5 How do we pray for our children’s purity

animalkingdom asks: I have a 13 year old daughter who would like to stay pure until she gets married. Is there any prayer that one says with them when you give them a purity ring?

Hi animalkingdom –

I am a dog, and so thereby unaffiliated with any religion, and pretty unaware of most.  But I’ll make up a prayer, and you can use it or change it however you wish:

May you live the life you wish.  May you have the strength and wisdom to act in your own best interests, in the short term and the long.  May you find and recognize love and faithfulness in yourself and others, and both give and receive the worth they deserve.  And may you always Continue reading