lady Ritzy asks: Hi – This is a really great site! I’m 14 and live in Iran (though I’ll be leaving the country soon). I really love my cousin, like a lover, but my pride never lets me tell him so. My mind and my heart always tell me that he loves me too, but I can`t tell him my real feelings. He is quiet and understanding, and has told me several times “you are so pretty,” but my stupid pride won`t let me talk to him. He’s about four years older than me – what would be a good subject to start conversations with?
Hi lady Ritzy –
This is such an interesting question! You see, in the US, where I live, it’s considered very bad for cousins to get involved romantically. In fact, it’s usually illegal! Whereas I understand that in Iran, romance and even marriage between cousins is very normal and traditional. So I have to get out of my mindset, and relate to your question on your terms (This is a great skill for all of us to work on!!).
So you’re dealing with two major problems that I can see. First, you’re loving a guy whose feelings you’re not sure about, and second, he’s four years older than you. There are lots of postings on my site about the first problem. But basically they all come down to the fact that, if you want to find out what he feels, you’ve got to do something to show something of your feelings, and see his reaction. You could tell him directly, ask him about what sort of girls he likes, or just jump on him and give him a big smooch (that’s what I like to do… to everyone!).
The second issue is a bigger one, to my mind. Four years is a very long time when you’re a teenager. Are you sure you and he would be right for each other? His interests are probably very different from yours, and he might be wanting or expecting things from a girlfriend that you’re not ready for.
And then there’s that third issue – you say you’ll be moving out of the country sometime soon. Is he going to be traveling with you, or would you be putting yourself into a relationship that’s going to break your heart when you have to leave him behind?!
I don’t want to talk you out of your feelings, but I do want you to think about all these things before you dare to approach him in any romantic way.
Okay, so onto your question about subjects to start conversations. Of course I don’t know him at all, but here are a few that tend to work with most people:
– Did you see that sports event that just took place?
– Did you see this TV show or movie that I just saw?
– How is your schoolwork going?
– Can you help me with a problem I’m having with my schoolwork?!
– You wouldn’t believe what this person did at school today
– You wouldn’t believe what a family member did today (especially good, since he shares about half of yours!)
– What are your feelings about a particular issue going on in the world or country?
– I want to see this movie and don’t know who to go with. (Hoping he suggests himself, or you could suggest him in the conversation)
– (My Favorite) Hey have you ever heard of AskShirelle.com? It’s amazing! You should check it out!
– And of course there’s always the old classic – “Hey how are you doing?” That really does work best usually!
So give it some thought first, lady Ritzy, and if you still want to pursue him, try a few of those. And let me know how it goes!
PS: And thanks for all the great comments on the other posts! You’re really helping make the website better!