0 How to set up an exercise regimen

emily asks: What are the best exercises for 12-year-old girls to do? I trampoline and am fairly fit.

Hi emily –

I’m not an expert on exercises, but more importantly, I’m not an expert on You.  There are lots of good exercises that are right for pretty much everyone (swimming, running, chasing squirrels), but you’re at a time in your life when your body is changing faster than it ever will again.  So I’m going to strongly suggest that you get exercise advice from someone who not only knows more than I do, but also can see you and analyze your body’s Continue reading

0 Should you reconnect with a parent who abandoned you?

Emmie asks: My dad was never married to my mum, and he moved away when I was little. He moved to Nottingham and for the past thirteen years I see him once a fortnight. He’s moving back to my town and asked my mum if he could see me more. My mum said that he hadn’t bothered for thirteen years, but I think he’s making amends. How can my mum say she knows, and how can I persuade her?

Hi Emmie –

There’s a lot that’s really painful about parents splitting up, and one of the toughest is what you’re going through.  Human children desperately want their parents to love and care for them, and if a parent seems uninterested in that, it leaves a gigantic wound in the kid.

Then, if that adult later wants more contact with the kid, there’s a great conflict:  On one hand, part of the kid (in your case, the part your mom agrees with) says, “Where were you when I needed you before?  Why should I trust you now?”  While the other says, “At last!  I’m finally getting what I’ve needed my whole Continue reading

2 Why is it so annoying to be a tween?

Fro-yo asks: Everything’s been bothering me! The little things my parents do, to the things they say to me – Blah blah blah – and I’m starting to get a few little bumps around my face (I am 11). I hate to say this, but I think I might be getting the early stages of my period. This is not good! I’m really grumpy, and annoyed by everything!!! What should I do to help myself relax and stop being such a Grinch?!

Hi Fro-yo –

Well, I guess the easy answer is that the way to not be such a Grinch is to let your heart grow at least two sizes!

But on a more realistic level, you sound to me like you’re right on schedule, for a pretty early bloomer.  It seems like you’re going to be one of the first girls of your age to fully enter adolescence.  And such effects as bumps on your face, annoyance with what your parents say, and beginning to menstruate, are absolutely normal and expected in that.  The next change, probably the one that will affect your life the most, is that your body shape is about to Continue reading

0 What to do if your parents wrongly suspect you have a boyfriend

Alondra asks: What should I do when my parents are assuming I have a boyfriend?

Hi Alondra –

Do I have this straight?  Your parents are assuming you have a boyfriend, but you don’t?

If so, then my absolute advice is to give them a major reality check!  You don’t have to be quite this rude, but I’m thinking of something along the lines of “Hello?!  Do you see me with a Continue reading

0 How to recover from embarrassing moments

Shellyx asks: Today in science we had to heat up magnesium under a Bunsen burner. Me and my friend were working in a pair, and I went first. I hadn’t seen anyone else do it, so I was worried. Anyways I put it on the Bunsen burner, holding it with tongs, and it caught fire, with a white flame. I started screaming, “OMG! aghhhh someone blow it out quick, help! Is it meant to do this?!” Everyone (including my crush) was staring at me. The flame went out and my teacher came over, saying, “yes it’s meant to go like that.” My friend was in hysterics. I was so scared, since I’m already petrified of fire! It’s sooo embarrassing! What do I do?

Hi Shellyx –

Oh Wow!  Oh that must have been AWFUL!!!  I can just bet you were as embarrassed as anyone ever has been!!

But I don’t think this is a bad thing at all.  In fact, I think it’s kind of great.

Why?  Two reasons:

First, Embarrassment is simply a very mild version of a much harsher thing called Continue reading

0 Why is it so hard for parents and teenagers to talk about sex?

Tutu asks: What are the barriers on communication between parents and adolescents, about sexuality?

Hi Tutu –

You bring up a great issue.  It is a strange irony in human development, that the age when children begin to pull away from their parents is the same age when they become more sexual, in their body development as well as their minds.

It would certainly make things easier for parents if this were staggered a bit.  For example, if kids went through their years of detachment from their parents before their bodies changed and they became interested in sexuality, so that by that time they were mature enough to have adult Continue reading

0 What is love?

apsara asks: What is love?

Hi aspara –

Wow, how many songs have asked that question!

The word “Love” has an awful lot of meanings.  But to answer you, I really think we should stick to three.

The first is about the most basic attraction.  If you ever study physics, you’ll learn that all energy is about attraction and repulsion.  Particles are either drawn to each other or push away from each other.  Think of what happens if you put two magnets together, and how they’ll do one or the other.  Well I think that same energy exists at all levels of Continue reading

0 Why doesn’t AskShirelle have chat?

ayaz asks: Why don’t you have chat on your website?

Hi ayaz –

I would love to have chat on my website.  But I can’t.  You see, my website is largely for children, and I have to make very sure that no one uses it to say bad things to kids, or, worse, to try to get them to do anything Continue reading

0 How to paint properly

sasai asks: How can I learn to paint properly?

Hi sasai –

Well, this is an issue I can absolutely say I know nothing about!  The first step to painting is being able to hold a paintbrush, and since I don’t have fingers or thumbs, I simply can’t!

But I do know people who paint.  And they would probably tell you two things.  Two things that completely disagree with each other!

The first is that there is no such thing as painting Continue reading

1 How to confront a friend who gives unsolicited advice

prettyndsweet12 asks: I have a friend who annoys me by giving me advice all the time. Also, she does this to all my other friends and they think she’s being annoying too, but they don’t want to hurt her feelings, and I don’t either. I’ve put up with it for a while, and I can’t anymore. So if I say something, and she tells all of our other friends, and they think I’m being the bad guy, how do I deal with it?

Hi prettyndsweet12 –

I do have an answer, but it’s pretty difficult.  Given that your other mutual friends feel the same way you do about your best friend’s advice-giving, my recommendation is something called an Intervention.

Interventions are usually done for gigantic problems, like alcoholism!  For example, let’s say you had a friend who was drinking lots, all the time.  And he never did anything to try to help himself about it, and in fact didn’t think he had a problem at all.  Well, you and his other friends could organize an Intervention, where you all show up at his home, explain to him that you’re all really worried about him and that he does have a problem, and take him to a rehab facility.  It might be the greatest thing you and your friends ever do, and could well save his Continue reading