0 Which parent should a child choose in a divorce?

Hachiko asks: I think my parents are getting a divorce. Should I be happy or sad (I’m happy)? My dad’s not a good man. My mom’s currently looking for a job, but she won’t get paid much. But my question is: who should I stay with? Clearly, my mom won’t be able to pay my educational expenses, and my dad’s acting very rude with her.

Hi Hachiko –

I have a number of questions on here about divorce, and most of them deal with the fact that the children of the couple feel very bad about it.  The fact that you actually say you’re happy tells me a great deal about your situation.  In particular, it tells me that this divorce is a positive and necessary one, and that it will likely make your, and your mother’s, life better.  I can’t say that, as a loyal pooch, I’m ever glad to hear about people divorcing, but in cases like this, the sad part is what was in the marriage before the couple split, not the split itself.

Divorce is almost purely a legal issue.  So a lot of the things you’re asking about are beyond my knowledge, and will be determined by a court of law.  For example: Will your father have to continue to financially support your mother?  Will your father have to pay child support for you?  Will you have a choice of whom to live with, or will the court determine that for you?!

So your questions might be things you don’t need to worry about at all.  Except, I think, one:  You ask Continue reading

0 What to do if you feel guilty about eating

amber asks: What should I do if I feel guilty when I eat?

Hi amber –

If you’re saying you want to learn to control your diet better, I have some posts here that deal with that issue.  But it sounds like you might be asking something more worrisome: Are you feeling guilty about eating anything?  Are you feeling that you’re doing something wrong by eating?  And if so, is it because you feel you’re doing something cruel or mean to that sandwich, or those carrots, or that cookie?  Or is it that you feel you’re doing something bad to yourself?

As far as the sandwich or carrots idea goes, it sounds to me like you need to accept your Continue reading

2 The Key to Happiness – a new look at the art of wishing

The Key to Happiness – a new look at the art of wishing

A few days ago, I overheard a mother say the most amazing thing.  She had been teaching her three-year-old daughter to blow on dandelions, sending the feathery seeds soaring through the air, and to make a wish when she did it.  But every time she’d ask the little girl what she’d wished for, her daughter would gleefully say, “I wished that you were my mommy!”

Of course, this meant that the girl’s wish always came true.

Someday this tot will learn that that’s not exactly the way the wishing game is supposed to work, but when she starts to do it correctly, she’ll lose something absolutely magical that she has right now.

We dogs are a lot like this.  People wonder why we go so absolutely ballistic-nuts when our humans come home.  Jumping like crazy, racing in circles, barking to wake dinosaurs – why do we do it?  Well, you see, we’ve been waiting at home for hours, maybe all day, miserably alone, and terrified that our people wouldn’t come back.  And more than anything else, we’ve been wishing, wishing so deeply and passionately, that our humans would return… so you see, when they do, when our greatest wish has come true, we go bonkers!

Now you humans have a lot bigger brains than we do, and a better sense of time, so it makes sense that you don’t spend most of your days worrying yourselves sick about whether your dog or another family member will be there when you expect to see them.

But wouldn’t life be a bit better if you… kinda did?!

You see, the reason I first got into writing this website is that I kept seeing people being unhappy.  And I had such trouble understanding why beings who not only had big brains, but could do fun things like buy food at restaurants and walk around without leashes, could possibly be anything but overjoyed all the time.  And then I realized that those giant brilliant brains of yours actually have a bad habit of making you angry or miserable or stuck, and that I might be able to help by reminding you of simpler truths – about running and jumping on people and playing and loving and such.

But I have to admit, this little girl has put me to shame!  She named it all so perfectly, I have to bow down and lick her on the toes.  So I’ll say it straight-out:  This is The Key To Happiness.  To wish, from the bottom of your heart, for something that you have and love.

Lots of psychologists, philosophers, self-help gurus, and religious thinkers have talked over the centuries about an “attitude of gratitude” – the idea that living in a state of thanks creates good energy and a sense of peace.  Then some even suggest that a person can “manifest” the things they want, bring what they want to them, by imagining they already have them and feeling grateful, as though it’s already there.

Well this idea is similar, but just a little different.  It’ll feel kind of stupid when you first try it, but give it a shot anyway:  Pick something that you really love.  And close your eyes and concentrate on it.  Think about how much you love it, and all the things you love about it.  And imagine how different your life would be without it, and let yourself feel the feelings that come up then (loneliness, hurt, longing, hopelessness, whatever).

And then wish, wish hard, that you could have it.  Think of how much better your life would be if you had it!  And when you’ve wished as hard as you can, put it out there, as a statement (“I wish I had a home!”) or a prayer (“Please may I have a home”), or sure, blow on a dandelion.

And then, let yourself remember… you DO have it!  You have that home, or that friend, or that dog, or that piece of candy, or that mommy!  And let yourself be washed over by how great that feels!  It’s like you just got the best present ever!

And then, when you’ve done that, I want you to try one other thing.  Try feeling sorry for yourself.  Try feeling really bad.  Try believing your life is empty and miserable and hopeless…   I’m betting you can’t!

Nope, despite your best efforts, I’ll bet that you’ll then walk through the next hour, or maybe the whole day, feeling a little giddy – because you’re someone whose wish just came true!

Now the one thing that might ruin this is if you then go tell your feelings to someone who’s kind of cynical.  They might respond like you’re crazy: “So what?!  So you have a mommy?  You had her yesterday, didn’t you?  It’s not like she was in danger.  What are you being such a dope about?”

But that’s just because they don’t get it.  They don’t see how magic this is.  So maybe it’s best to keep those feelings to yourself, or only share them with someone you trust to be happy you’re feeling that way.

And if you have a friend like that, someone really great who’ll listen to you and support you and cheer for you… well, then maybe your next wish should be about wishing to have that person as a friend!  After all, friends like that are truly worth wishing for.

As are miraculous moments like my overhearing that conversation.  Hmmm… I think I’m going to do it right now…  “I wish I heard that mom talk about that little girl…  That would really make my day!”

Happy Wishing!

Shirelle

0 What can help arthritis?

majuliann asks: Can eating apples heal Arthritis? If not, which fruits can?

Hi majuliann –

Humans and dogs disagree about lots of things.  Dogs like licking strangers’ faces; humans usually don’t.  Dogs like sniffing where someone’s peed; humans don’t. Humans adore cats; we don’t.

But one thing we definitely agree on is that we both HATE arthritis!  This awful, painful, chronic, debilitating disease has absolutely nothing to like about it!

Actually, the term “arthritis” applies to over a hundred Continue reading

0 What is Self-Trust

Anes asks: What is self-trust?

Hi Anes –

Self-trust is something that everyone in the world wants to have, but some people don’t.  It literally means trusting yourself to do things that you believe in, and will be best for you.

It’s hard to describe self-trust, because it’s so simple.  So let’s talk about its opposite instead.  Have you ever seen any of those cool old Wolf Man movies from the 1940s?  They’re not like the Taylor Lautner character in the “Twilight” films; these are about a man who is totally normal, nice, all that, but who’s bitten by a werewolf and so becomes, on nights of the full moon, a bloodthirsty murderous monster.  Then the next morning he’ll wake up, having no memory of what he’s done, but with evidence (like mud or blood) that it’s happened again: he’s killed innocent people.

Now that man has a severe case of lack of Continue reading

0 What to do when a friend resents your helping them

adriannaar asks: I helped a friend with an important problem, and all our friends that were involved became mean to me. What should I do? They are all giving me the cold shoulder.

(Note: This is actually a conversation, because I wasn’t clear enough at first about what the problem was)

Hi adriannaar –

Wow, it sounds like something is really off here.  Normally, when friends get together to help someone, it improves their relationship.  They’ve felt a kinship in their cause, and no matter what happens afterward, they’ll always have some love for each other from that bond.  We see this most clearly in battle, where soldiers who wouldn’t otherwise like each other at all develop a deep connection and devotion for each other that lasts through their lifetime, through their shared devotion.

So, yeah, something is off.  I can only imagine two possible scenarios here.  The first is that these people had something against you before any of you started to help that friend, but they didn’t show it until after your ‘project’ with that friend ended.  But that seems really unlikely.  Especially since they weren’t treating you badly till afterwards.

The more likely answer is that there’s something you did, or that they Continue reading

0 Why can’t Earth be like Space?

Kanna asks: Why can’t Earth be like Space?

Hi Kanna –

I’m not sure what you’re exactly asking.  If you mean, “what’s the difference between Earth and Outer Space,” then the main answer is that we know there’s life here!  Most scientists (and all science fiction fans!) believe that life must exist somewhere else in the universe, but the only place we know for sure has it is Earth.

If you’re asking what the difference is between Earth and Space in general, I’d say it’s Continue reading

0 When the Whole World Shifts – how to deal with our fear of disasters

When the Whole World Shifts – how to deal with our fear of disasters

I love comfort. I spend most of my day curled up on Handsome’s bed, or on the floor near a window where I can see what’s going on outside, or out in the yard where I can hear and smell everything. I’m very happy doing this. And I get annoyed when someone interrupts me and takes away my comfort.

But it boggles my little mind to try to imagine what it must be like if someone’s comfortable world completely changed. What if our house suddenly collapsed, or if our yard suddenly turned into a lake, or if the complete government was taken down and suddenly we didn’t know who was running the country?

These unimaginable things have happened in our world lately. The huge earthquake and tsunami (now there’s a word for spelling tests!) that hit Japan have destroyed homes and buildings and… well, way more than we know yet. And in the Middle East, nation after nation is experiencing people taking their governments down. What’s it like to live in these places? What’s it like when the world you know totally changes?

It might be a fun thing for you to write a story about what it would be like if that happened to the place you live. (The best thing about stories like that is that you can always make yourself the star, and do lots of heroic things!).

But it can also be really scary to think about. We go through our days expecting things to stay pretty much as they are, and that’s how we get by: grown-ups need to believe their jobs will last at least for a while, or else they can’t make any plans. And kids – hey if you didn’t know if your school would be working tomorrow, I’ll bet you wouldn’t do your homework tonight. (I know, that might not sound so bad!)

So how do we get by, knowing something crazy could happen, but counting on life going on as normal? The best way I see is to prepare however you can, and then trust the preparation. We dogs, and kids, don’t like to be super-responsible, but just a bit of thought can really help later on.

So it’s a good idea to talk with your family and friends about what preparations you have. Of course you can’t prepare for anything that might happen (Martian Invasions, for example – how do you prepare for that?!), but you can prepare for the most likely problems you’ll face.

Maybe there are specific things about the area you live in (People in California should have setups to use in case of an earthquake. People in Kansas should be ready for tornadoes. People in New York should have preparations for blizzards. People in India should be ready for monsoons!). What’s special about where you live? And what should you have ready?

But there are other things that apply to everywhere. Everybody should have flashlights and candles for power outages, extinguishers for fire, a first-aid kit, and some bottled water. And do you have a setup for how you and your family would communicate if something happened when you weren’t at home? Maybe a place you could agree to meet if you couldn’t get home? And do you all know how to reach emergency services if you needed them (in the United States, for example, to call 911)?

And on that subject, if you have a dog or a cat, do they have identifying information, in case they get lost? Tags on collars are the most important, but sometimes my collar has come off! So my veterinarian one day injected a tiny chip into my shoulder. It didn’t hurt any more than a normal shot (I still didn’t like it, but it wasn’t that bad!), and from now on, if I’m ever picked up by the police or a dog catcher, they’ll be able to read the chip through a scanner, and let Handsome know where I am. I really recommend these for your pet friends.

Meanwhile, there’s an amazing fact that’s coming out from these troubled areas in our world. As chaotic (a big word that means everything’s going topsy-turvy) as things are in Japan, people are being incredibly kind and polite to each other. And even in the revolutions in the Middle East, most people in
the streets have been treating each other really well.

There’s a great lesson for all of us here, in case of a disaster: If you need help, be really nice. And if you’re the lucky person who is doing okay, help out the other person.  Everyone’s scared, everyone’s tense. And even if they aren’t as nice to you as you are to them, that’s okay – still try to be kind.

For example, if you approach a scared starving dog, it might growl or snarl or even try to bite you. So don’t get too close; be careful. But you could still leave it a treat, and know that you’ve helped the poor thing out. One thing disasters teach us is how connected we are, and how much we have to care for each other.

Whew! Okay, enough of that! Now it’s time to change my tone!

You see, it’s awfully important to remember that most of us are doing okay. If you’re old enough to know about probability, remember that the odds of getting hurt in an earthquake, tornado, hurricane, or any other natural disaster, or even a human one like a revolution or a war, are really small.  Especially for a kid.

And the humans of the world are better at knowing what to do to in a disaster than ever before, by a long long ways. As I’m writing this, the world is very focused on the question of something possibly going very wrong with the nuclear power plants in Japan. Now I can’t begin to understand the details of nuclear power (I am a dog, after all!), but what I do know is that these plants are built better than they’ve ever been before, and people know more about how to help keep them safe than they ever have before. And beyond that, even if something absolutely horrible were to happen, it would help people in the rest of the world learn more about how to keep such plants safer (or maybe just that they can’t be kept safe, and we just have to get by with less energy for a while, which would be very sad for everyone).

But I’m not saying to do nothing. The best thing you can do is to try to help. Maybe you can send some money or other donation. Maybe you can work in a project with your school or church to help. And on that count, if you believe in prayer or manifestation or even just good thoughts – then send them.  Everything helps.

But meanwhile, unless you’re there on the streets of Cairo or Tripoli, or in the rubble of Sendai, be grateful. Be glad. You’re safe from these problems. Your job is to live, to have your own adventures. Sure, be prepared for what might go wrong, but at the same time, don’t live in fear of it. Live your life, and be kind and helpful to others. And I can promise you almost everything’s going to be all right.

So now I’m going to “practice what I preach,” and go outside and have a good sniff to see if any sassy squirrels have been around, and then I’m going to climb onto Handsome’s bed, curl up against his pillows so that my nose rests on my tail, and try to send some really good doggy wishes to all those kids and pups who are having a tough time tonight.

And to look forward to waking up into a tomorrow that is safer and more peaceful than any we’ve ever known. A tomorrow I’m so happy to share with you.

0 How to stop hair from falling out

shaun army asks: How can I stop my hair from falling out?

Hi shaun army –

Oh boy, would Handsome love it if I could stop my hair from shedding!  I shed hair all year, all day, everywhere!  He can brush me every week, but still he finds my hairs in his food, in his toothbrush, and, of course, always on his nicest clothes.  He loves me so much he tolerates it, and says he considers my hairs on his black suit a “badge of honor,” and a reminder of how much he loves me… but if he could find a way to stop me from losing all that hair, he’d do it instantly!

However, in my case we’re talking about fur, which just keeps growing in, no matter how much comes out.  I lose hairs all the time, but I’m not going bald!  Humans aren’t necessarily so lucky!

While humans shed hair all their lives, just as we dogs do, there are certain times when some humans lose more hair than they re-grow, which makes their heads start to show more skin than before.  Of course this happens most to Continue reading

0 How to become fat

shaun army asks: How can someone become fat?

Hi shaun army –

It’s funny, I get asked how to lose weight all the time, but you’re the first one to ever ask me how to become fat!

Well, you can tell from my picture that I’m a pretty skinny pooch, but I think today’s world offers a huge number of opportunities for people (and dogs) to find out how to gain non-muscular weight.  Among the best ways are:

1)    Eat lots of unhealthy food.  Sugars, fatty meats, fried foods, and processed carbs (like cakes and cookies) are especially good for this.

2)    Drink lots of sugary drinks, and, if you’re of age, lots of alcohol (which turns to Continue reading