0 What to do when someone who likes you shies away from you

curiouscutie asks: I’m in grade 10. I met this nice boy in grade 3, and we became good friends (and family friends too) but we never talked in school. Then when we had to leave our elementary school for high school he left to India, but soon came back (but we weren’t in the same classes anymore). Once in 7th grade he came to my class, with some friends, for something. There was a seat empty behind mine, so he sat there with his friends and started talking to me. He was just casually talking to me, but his friends and my friends started teasing us that we liked each other. Soon there were rumors in school that I liked him. Suddenly, he stopped talking to me. He wouldn’t say hi nor would reply to my hi. If he passed me he would ignore me as if I wasn’t there, as if I was invisible. When I joined Facebook I tried to add him but he blocked me. He was behaving very oddly. I thought he believed in the rumors. We have mutual friends in school, and when I hang out with them and see him, he says hi to them and talks to them but ignores me. I don’t know what’s happening. It’s annoying and making me angry. I don’t understand what my fault is – it’s been three years since we have had any interaction! What should I do?

Hi curiouscutie –

Well, as you know, I am an extremely intelligent and perceptive dog (well, intelligent in some ways!), but I am not psychic.  I can’t read minds, as much as I’d like to.  So I can’t guarantee that I know what’s going on in this boy’s mind.

However, I often am a very good guesser.  So I’ll throw my guess at you.

And that is that boys around seventh-grade tend to have a TON of things going on in them.  Relationships with friends and family are changing, their bodies are changing, the chemicals inside them are changing, and what they really want and need is often to run away and be by themselves in a deep dark wood for a few months, while at the same time to hang out with only their friends, and at the same time stay home with their families, and at the same time start dealing with their changing attitudes about girls…  and it’s just impossible!  So what they do is to Continue reading

0 How to kindly reject someone online

Chicken asks: A girl found me on Instagram, and now on kik, and asked if I would date her. I don’t really know how to say no. I wouldn’t date her, but I’ve never been asked out and I don’t know how to reject… Please help!

Hi Chicken –

Rejection is a funny thing.  We all hate being rejected (oh how it hurt, especially when I was young, and I’d run up to play with people who’d push me away, or dogs who’d get angry and bark and bite at me!).  But of course we all have to do it many times (yes, even us dogs).

I think the reason people are so often afraid to reject is because they remember how much it hurt when someone rejected them.  But the truth is, the rejections that hurt the most are usually the Continue reading

1 What to do when you find your best friend is gay

lovelyme asks: I’ve been talking to a girl – as in trying to get to know each other in a passionate way. I’m not gay or a lesbian, but ironically I’m falling for a girl. We exchange few “I love you” and sweet text messages. We kissed a couple of times, and I introduced her to my family. But I’m not ready to go with a girl. Her mom doesn’t know she’s gay. What should I do? I think I kind of brought her in too deep. I like boys and I’m stuck.

Hi lovelyme –

Issues about attraction between people of the same sex were so hushed over, for so long, that today it all seems to be exploding.  Laws are changing, definitions of institutions and rights are changing, even religions are changing.  It’s huge and exciting, and I think it’s absolutely wonderful (I jump on and lick everyone, and have never cared a bit about the shape of their body!).

I bring this up because, in truth, the situation you’re in is very simple, and has nothing to do with being gay or not.  The fact is, you’re attracted to a friend, even falling for her somewhat, but you don’t want to go out with her on a committed basis.  This is about as normal as Continue reading

0 How to stop thinking about someone who’s great

Cookie Vidal asks: I just got back from camp and I can’t stop thinking about this super cute guy that I met there! How do I stop thinking about him?

Hi Cookie Vidal –

Why?

Why would you want to stop thinking about him?  If he’s that great, enjoy it!  Do you need to concentrate more?  If so, I can send you some suggestions for that.  Or do you have a boyfriend who might get jealous from you thinking about another boy this much?  Maybe I can help with that.

But in the meantime — I smelled some barbecued ribs yesterday, and am still thinking about how great they smelled, and I hope I still am tomorrow!  Handsome’s a bit annoyed that I’m drooling on everything, but other than that, having that “object of desire” in my brain is GREAT!

Cheers,

Shirelle

0 Should you date a player?

Mandhie asks: There is this guy in my school who is in the same year as me. The first day I got to the school and saw him, I had a crush on him – and I think he did too, because I noticed him staring at me. Because he is so cute, handsome, tall, and has all the features of a good-looking guy, a lot of girls like him. So far, he’s dated like four of my friends that I know; but since he saw me, he has been trying to ignore his current girlfriend (and my year group teases us both). At times, he smiles to me when they tease us, but I feel too shy to return a smile because I don’t want anything to happen between his current girlfriend and me. Now, apparently, his current girlfriend is dating another guy in the school, so my crush is happy about it and is kind of trying to get into my way, but I don’t like that idea. Though I like him, I don’t like the fact that he has dated a lot of girls and wants to date me too, because I’m not the kind of girl who doesn’t care when they are dumped in a relationship. Also, I have never dated before and have no experience. What should I do?

Hi Mandhie –

Wow, this is a great story!  Handsome likes to watch all these complex shows on TV like the one about the big old house in England, or the one about the ad agency, and this sounds like them!

And in one of those shows, you would be the heroine.

Okay, first of all, as I’ve said on here a lot, there is nothing wrong with Continue reading

0 How to treat friends who aren’t telling you everything

fourcats asks: I sent you a question about ignorance from friends, and I did what you told me, but they say there is no reason for their distance. I am scared that I will fall in trouble for a thing that I haven’t done. I saw those friends talking with our teacher about a problem, and I think that might be the reason for their behavior. How can I know whether this is my mistake or a misunderstanding about me? And how can I be friends with them again?

Hi four cats –

I am only a dog.  I have no way of knowing what your friends are thinking or feeling, or what anyone said to your teacher.

But here’s the funny thing.  At least for right now, neither do you.

Yep, that’s what I said.  You have no idea of what’s going on.  Maybe your friends are blaming you for something horrible that someone else did.  Or maybe not.  Maybe you’re in huge trouble with the teacher.  Or maybe not.  Maybe your friends have actively decided to ignore you because they are furious with you.

Or maybe not.

So here’s the weird thing about situations like this:  You can Continue reading

0 Why All These Kids?! a few suggestions for surviving parenthood

Why All These Kids?! a few suggestions for surviving parenthood

Except for letters telling me how great the website is or how cute I am (which I of course love!), the subject I get the most emails about is how difficult it is to be a parent.  Funny, isn’t it – it’s what grownups want most badly, what they spend the most money on, what they care the most about… and then it’s what they complain about the most!  (They’re so silly – what I want most badly is Pizza, what I spend the most money on is nothing, since Handsome never gives me any, and what I care the most about is… well, Pizza.  But what I complain the most about?  That’s easy!  If you can’t guess, I’ll give you a hint:  They have pointy ears, a yowling voice, and they climb trees – especially swiftly if they’re being chased by me!).

But I guess I do understand.  I’ve written on here before about how I was a very difficult puppy.  I was super-hyperactive, and full of energy all the time.  And that energy all went into one thing:  DESTRUCTION!  I destroyed a fence, clothes, plants, newspapers, and – just once – an old record album cover (Oh I still get chills when I think of how mad Handsome was about that one!).  And I was constantly biting, pulling, and scratching Handsome.  It’s just amazing he even kept me around long enough to grow up.

Really, there were only two reasons he did:  First, he had faith that I’d mature eventually.  And Second, more importantly, he Continue reading

0 How to know how to take others’ judgments on your appearance

prettyndsweet12 asks: I’ve been having insecurity issues. I feel like I’m fat, but my mom says I’m not. Is she just saying that because she’s my mom or does she mean it? Also a lot of the kids call me ugly. I don’t think I am, but I am also wondering, if I’m pretty, why don’t boys like me?

Hi prettyndsweet12 –

The whole issue of when someone is “fat” or not is a really tough one.  Although health experts have ideals they push, saying that a person who’s a certain height should weigh a certain amount, those numbers are never perfect.  Some people have heavier density in their bodies – I don’t know what it is exactly; their bones weigh more than other people’s, or their organs do.  Something like that.

Then, you get the issue that different people have different ideas of what a body should look like (especially female bodies).  Probably no woman in the last century has been so idealized as Marilyn Monroe.  But her figure would be considered “fat” by a lot of people today.  And those people often idolize models who are unhealthily underweight (or who aren’t, but their photographs are altered to make them look that way!).

Now, to add to my confusion, you ask me if your mother is telling you the truth or not.  My friend, I have absolutely no idea!  Maybe your friends are being purposely mean and actually think you look fine.  Maybe they have unrealistic ideas of what your body should look like.  Maybe your mother loves you so much that she’ll always see you as perfect no matter what.  Or maybe, yes, she’s lying to make you feel better.  I have no way of knowing.

What I do know, however, is one thing:  The Continue reading

1 How to deal with parents who are addicts

kaylanicole asks: My best friend, who is my stepmom’s niece (so technically my cousin now), and I have been close for years. She’s just spent nine days with her sister, who hates me. Now one minute she’s telling me to “**** off,” and the next saying “I love you.” She has a lot going on too, because her parents are constantly doing drugs and she’s had a rough life, but I always try to be here for her. We have been arguing on and off and it really hurts. I don’t want to lose her or stop talking to her, because I’m already stressed enough (My mom is on pills and heroin real bad and I’m scared she will die soon because she won’t get any help, and my grandma who raised me is in bad health, and my papaw who also raised me passed a year ago). I recently moved out of my grandma’s house because of stress/depression, but now I have it just as bad here. I always feel bad because my grandma tries to get me to move back in and tells me how she needs help and stuff. My nana has Crohn’s disease and is really skinny and in terrible shape. I told my best friend that I have a lot going on. She is one of the people that means the most to me and I just don’t know what to do. She will bring up her sister’s BF’s sister to make me jealous, and she changed her cover photo on Facebook to them, which used to be us most the time. I feel so alone and replaced, and most nights I lay in bed and cry until I’m tired. The depression/stress is taking over.

Hi kaylanicole –

This is one of the most heartbreaking letters I’ve ever received.  I get mail all the time that tells of pain, heartbreak, or frustration, and I’m usually able to keep my tail wagging and come up with cheerful fun ways to help those people out.  But after reading your letter, I had to go outside and give a big mournful yowl.

It’s not that your situation is impossible.  It’s just that it’s so sad.  Both you and your best friend are suffering with parents who are drug addicts.  And that is one of the toughest situations any kid can live in.

Now before any readers jump in to say, “Hey, I saw my dad Continue reading

0 Can youngsters manage their anger?

AudreyKimberly146 asks: I am an eleven years old kid and I’m not an ordinary girl. I cook if I want, but I have a disease that makes my family the victim. This is strange, but seriously I can’t control my emotions! If somebody hurts me at school, I’ll be angry, but I usually still have a heart attached to my body, and just can be quiet (though if I get upset enough, it’s more like an earthquake!). I don’t wanna see any of my friends hurt because of me. But at home, I will hit a surface of a table and yell bad words to my siblings. So now I’m wondering if I can say something that will not hurt anybody. (I take this from a cartoon named “The Amazing World of Gumball”) So, I just have to say ” I have a stupid brain, in a stupid head, with a stupid mind, packed in a stupid personality if I get angry “. That way, I think I would be able to relieve myself every time I get angry. Now, what do I want to ask is, with this way, will everything be alright?

Hi AudreyKimberly146 –

I’m very very impressed with you, AudreyKimberly146.  What you’re doing is something called Anger Management.  There are psychologists all over the world who specialize in this, who run classes for teenagers and adults who are unable to control their rage.  Sometimes these are people like you who get upset for legitimate reasons, but lose control over their actions.  Sometimes, though, it can be worse – for example, a parent who loses their temper because their baby is crying, or because their puppy pooped indoors, things that no one has any Continue reading