AudreyKimberly146 asks: I am an eleven years old kid and I’m not an ordinary girl. I cook if I want, but I have a disease that makes my family the victim. This is strange, but seriously I can’t control my emotions! If somebody hurts me at school, I’ll be angry, but I usually still have a heart attached to my body, and just can be quiet (though if I get upset enough, it’s more like an earthquake!). I don’t wanna see any of my friends hurt because of me. But at home, I will hit a surface of a table and yell bad words to my siblings. So now I’m wondering if I can say something that will not hurt anybody. (I take this from a cartoon named “The Amazing World of Gumball”) So, I just have to say ” I have a stupid brain, in a stupid head, with a stupid mind, packed in a stupid personality if I get angry “. That way, I think I would be able to relieve myself every time I get angry. Now, what do I want to ask is, with this way, will everything be alright?
Hi AudreyKimberly146 –
I’m very very impressed with you, AudreyKimberly146. What you’re doing is something called Anger Management. There are psychologists all over the world who specialize in this, who run classes for teenagers and adults who are unable to control their rage. Sometimes these are people like you who get upset for legitimate reasons, but lose control over their actions. Sometimes, though, it can be worse – for example, a parent who loses their temper because their baby is crying, or because their puppy pooped indoors, things that no one has any control over.
I’m going to have to take your word for it when you say that you have a Disease. There are mental conditions that make anger tougher to deal with, but there are also loads of people (and dogs) who have very normal brains, but just lose some control when they get upset. The trick, with any of them, is to learn to take control of the anger before it gets out of control.
For example, I’ll be lying on my bed, sleeping happily, when a squirrel runs over the roof. That really bugs me, so I sit up and give a “Woof.” But unless I’m feeling like exercising, I’ll probably stay there. But then another squirrel chases that first squirrel – and the hair goes up along my back. And then they start fighting, with their irritating barking at each other… and that’s it, I can’t take it anymore, I’m Furious, and I shoot off the bed, through the kitchen, out my doggy door, and am barking like crazy and jumping to try to catch them even though they’re thirty feet over my head!
Now I don’t really mind that anger, because those nasty little rodents deserve it! But if I wanted to manage that anger, I’d want to look at that Progression. And to ask one particular question: when is the last moment that I have control over my feelings? I would guess it’s when the second squirrel has just run over the roof. So if I wanted to control my anger, I’d have to learn to do something (walk away, meditate, whatever) right when my anger hits that place… or before… but no later!
Now your question to me is about whether your Gumball-based idea will work. And I have a very simple answer for you: I have absolutely no idea! How could I? I’m a simple dog, and have never met you. The only way to find out if it works is for you to try it. But I think the idea sounds just brilliant.
And if you try it, and it doesn’t work perfectly, does that mean you should just give up on it? I sure hope you don’t. For example, let’s say you say all those lines, and some mean person starts to make fun of you for what you say about being stupid, and that just pushes you over the edge with your anger. Well, then maybe next time you use a different phrase, like “I have a dangerous brain,” and that makes people treat you with more respect!
Regardless, AudreyKimberly146, it’s great to see an 11-year-old taking such responsibility for your feelings and your actions. If this idea of yours works, it will make the rest of your life way better. And if it doesn’t, and you have to work more at it, that will teach you skills in self-awareness that most humans can’t begin till they’re at least ten years older than you. So either way, I salute you.
(And I don’t think you have a stupid brain at all!)