How to treat friends who aren’t telling you everything

fourcats asks: I sent you a question about ignorance from friends, and I did what you told me, but they say there is no reason for their distance. I am scared that I will fall in trouble for a thing that I haven’t done. I saw those friends talking with our teacher about a problem, and I think that might be the reason for their behavior. How can I know whether this is my mistake or a misunderstanding about me? And how can I be friends with them again?

Hi four cats –



I am only a dog.  I have no way of knowing what your friends are thinking or feeling, or what anyone said to your teacher.


But here’s the funny thing.  At least for right now, neither do you.


Yep, that’s what I said.  You have no idea of what’s going on.  Maybe your friends are blaming you for something horrible that someone else did.  Or maybe not.  Maybe you’re in huge trouble with the teacher.  Or maybe not.  Maybe your friends have actively decided to ignore you because they are furious with you.


Or maybe not.


So here’s the weird thing about situations like this:  You can respond any way you like.


Let’s say you decide that you think your friends are being mean.  Well, then you can avoid them, refuse to talk with them anymore, and go try to make other friends.


Or let’s say you decide that you think your friends are still your friends, and they haven’t purposely been distant.


Or… that they’re still your friends, but they’re being distant because you’re acting like something’s wrong!


And what decision you make will determine what happens next.  If you pull away from them, most likely they’ll be hurt and bothered, and not want your friendship as much anymore.  But if you decide (yes, decide) to act as if nothing’s wrong, then there’s a good chance they’ll start being nicer to you.


Now maybe someday you’ll find out what was actually wrong.  But today, since you don’t know, it’s just up to you which role you want to play.


I guess it’s pretty obvious which one I would do.  But it is your choice.


Good luck.  And enjoy this learning experience.  I understand the skill in this is really important later in life, especially in marriage.  Whenever you have doubts (and everyone has doubts), you will have a choice of how to respond to them.  And how you respond will define the person you are in the eyes of others.  And yourself.


Have at it, and have fun.  This is truly an adventure!







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