0 What to do when you’re attracted to a friend’s or relative’s spouse

Pradeep asks: I like my brother’s wife. She is so sexy and I like her very much. What should I do?

Hi Pradeep –

Oh boy is that a tough situation!  I usually suggest to people that they pursue the people they’re attracted to, but in your case, that would almost certainly be a disaster!

So here are my suggestions:

1)    Try to spend more time with other women.  Date other women.  Befriend other women.  Go see movies with lots of beautiful women in them.  Your sister-in-law may be wonderful, but she’s not the only beautiful, sexy, likable woman in the world.  Work to make yourself more aware of this.

2)    To whatever degree you can, it’s probably best to stay away from her for a little while.  I realize you like each other a lot, but this could get really painful for you, and you should be kind to your own Continue reading

0 How to handle the beginnings of teenage rebellion

Tata asks: I am really worried about my 10-year-old daughter. She does not hear me when I talk to her the first time. And she always answers back to me.

Hi Tata –

Well the easy answer for me to give you is… she’s right on schedule.  Your daughter is entering adolescence.

Now you probably entered this stage a bit later than she did.  Kids are definitely growing up more quickly than they used to.  This is due to everything from media to chemicals in food, and there’s nothing you can do about it.  It’s not a bad thing necessarily, but it can be very frustrating, especially to those who would love to see all humans stop aging at age five, when they’re Continue reading

0 Some encouraging words for kids

Donna asks: What are your plans for the new year? What encouraging words can we tell our young people to keep them out of trouble?

Hi Donna –

If you’re referring to the New Year’s Eve/Day holiday, my plans are simple.  To stay at home, lying on Handsome’s bed, with my head as buried under his pillow as I can, so I don’t have to hear all the yelling, the horns, the screaming, and any fireworks or (how stupid can humans get!) guns being shot into the air.  I’ll lie there, hoping Handsome is able to drive home from whatever party he’s at without being hit and hurt by some drunk in a car… and then, once he’s home, I’ll curl up next to him and sleep so deeply and happily, knowing he’s safe and we survived another year.

Then the next day, hopefully he’ll take me out to a park or something, since he has the day off from work.  But if the weather’s too bad, or if he’s away at some party, I’ll probably just sleep some more!

But if what you meant was what my plans are for 2012, Donna, I have some great ones!  I plan to catch more Continue reading

0 Is spanking okay?

Jevisus asks: What is the biblical way of parenting when it comes to correct behavior of the children. Does the Bible allow spanking?

Hi Jevisus –

As a dog, I am not an expert on Biblical teachings.  But I believe that the Bible would have no trouble with spanking, just as it seems to condone slavery and child labor, and a lot of other things that are considered wrong in most societies today.  While the Bible teaches many important lessons, it’s also important to remember that it was written in a very different time, when people had very different values. So it might well argue that it’s okay to whip one’s child, but I don’t think most Jews or Christians today would agree that that is okay.

The laws about spanking where I live are pretty Continue reading

0 What to do with someone you like who gives you mixed signals

Sumedha asks: There’s a guy whom I really like, but haven’t told him yet. In fact, like might not be the right word… it’s more than that I guess… and I know it sounds really silly but I cant really help it! And its difficult to understand him – sometimes he’s just too flirty and sometimes I think he’s dating someone else. One of my friends, who used to like the same guy, has even told him. He tried to handle the situation and said no, and then he stopped talking to her as much he used to do before. So now I’m afraid that the same thing could happen to me. If I don’t see him a single day I go mad; and I don’t know what to do. 🙁

Oh Sumedha –

I have so many questions on this website about crushes and how to talk to shy guys and all that kind of stuff, and I think it’d be great for you to look those up (just go onto the site and put words like “crush,” “shy,” or “like boy” into the Search box, and see what comes up).

But besides what all those say, this is a tough situation!  If I’m understanding you right, your friend told this guy you like him, and he said he wasn’t interested in you and stopped talking to her?!  But at the same time he’s really flirty with you?!

Well, my initial reaction is that he’s kinda Continue reading

0 What to do when your parents ask you to choose between them

Super dooper asks: My parents are split and now my mum is angry because my dad is taking me for holidays for a week during the time she is meant to have me and now she is making me choose. Please help! I do not know what to do.

Hi super dooper –

My friend, you are in an absolute stew of unfairness.  It’s always unfair to kids when parents split up, it’s unfair when decisions get made about where they’ll have to be at what time, and oh boy it is especially unfair when the parents make the kid take responsibility for their choices.  You are absolutely living this, and I am so very Continue reading

0 How to handle anxiety at University

Eiei asks: I feel sad now, because my friends do not listen to what I say or look at me. Stress falls on me at University, because my mind runs away from me and I can’t understand what the teachers explain. Please help me. How will I train my mind to be constant?

Hi Eiei –

It sounds to me like you’re suffering from really bad anxiety.  That’s what it’s called when you worry so much that it gets in the way of everything, from your friendships to your work.

Anxiety is likely to come up at a University about as frequently as it does in Veterinarians’ offices, and for much the same reason – you students and we dogs are both put in a place “for our own good” where we’re being judged and tested, which doesn’t feel good at the time, and can lead to some really awful Continue reading

0 Shirelle’s best dating advice

Tweety asks: I’m 14 years old – What’s your advice on dating and stuff?

Hi Tweety –

Oh there’s so much to say about dating, too much for a clear answer.  I can point you to a few of my favorite postings, though.  Maybe these will help you.  Just use the search box on this page to find:

–       Smokey’s question “When and how should teens Continue reading

0 What to do when your social world falls apart

princess23 asks: Lately I’ve been having some problems with some friends; I want to fix things but don’t know how. I started having some problems with my sister, and thought it was she who was the problem maker but then I actually realized it was my friends, they were even backstabbing my sister in my face and in my opinion that’s not what a friend is supposed to do so I started defending her. Then my sister had a problem with her friend, and at the same time my friend made a huge deal of a really small problem (by the way we were all friends). But I decided to step away from my “friends.” I realized that they were really bossy and treated me and the others as if we were their property. Now everyone thinks we’re fighting and that there’s DRAMA going on. I’ve been hanging out with my guy friends since I don’t have many girlfriends in the neighborhood, but my “friends” brought my guy friends into the drama, I don’t really want to give this thing any importance, not even to my “friends,” but the guys say we should talk to the other girls and fix the problem. But I’m afraid of doing it because I know I can get kinda loud and I know I have a temper (I’ve learned to control it but sometimes it gets out of hand!). What should I do? Should I go talk to these girls? I don’t really wanna be friends with them after realizing the kind of people they are! I mean, why are we girls so dramatic, and make a big deal of something meaningless? Why can’t we be like guys who get in a fight and 20 minutes later they’re all good, like if nothing happened? And is there something so wrong with not having girl friends in the neighborhood and just hanging out with guys?

Hi Princess23 –

It sounds very much to me like you’re going through a “Mean Girls” phase, where your group of friends is working very hard to try to control you, your sister, and everyone else.  And it sounds like you and your sister are doing an excellent job of avoiding all this.

Of course, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with hanging out with the guys (as long as you don’t let them define you any more than you let the girls do).  I also think you’ll find that most of those girls will grow out of this phase, and will become women you really enjoy being around.  You might, like most women, eventually begin to feel that it’s females who’ve got a better handle on self-control, and males who don’t (after all, it’s usually men who start wars, for example).  But for now, you and your sister are doing a great job of sticking with the people who are treating you right, and that’s very very smart.  I think it’ll be good for you to keep an eye on those girls, though – so that, once any of them become as individualistic as you, and aren’t controlled by the group, those can be the ones you talk to, and become good girlfriends with them.  I understand why those boys want you to get along better with the girls, but they need to understand that you have your needs too.

Now, about that yelling and anger thing – I’m all for anger management (and have some postings about it on the website, if you want to check them out).  But sometimes people complain about us getting angry, because they don’t like our honest and appropriate response to their stupidity and abuse!  Reading over your letter, I see you’re pretty frantic, so I’m not sure it would be totally wrong for you to lose your temper at these “friends!”  So I think it makes sense for you to keep your distance for now (since they’d likely treat you badly for expressing your feelings), but at the same time, I think you should like that temper of yours – it’s that anger that will protect you at different times in your life.  Think of it as like my teeth:  If I show them, I can’t make friends; but I’m really glad to know that they’re there when I need ‘em!

I hope this helps, princess23.  And again, I’m really sorry you’re going through all this, and hope it passes as soon as possible.

Cheers,

Shirelle

0 How to stop a kid from interrupting my friends

Moona asks: My child is 5 years old. He is good in studies and other activities, though he was very hyper in his early years. Now he is better, but he has a problem of always interrupting when someone else is talking – especially when some guests come. He’ll talk to them unnecessarily and speak foolish words that the guest also doesn’t like. How can I make him stop it?

Hi Moona –

The reason I say it’s so interesting is that I’m not sure there’s anything wrong at all.

Lots of times, young children are “hyper,” not because they actually have the physiological condition of ADHD, but because they’re really smart!  And there’s so much going on in their head all the time that they need to get it all out!  It’s like when I was a puppy and wanted to run every direction at once, lick everyone, sniff everyone, and bite everyone – all at the same time.   Then when I went to obedience school, I was a really good student, best in my class.  But I still behaved the same way with Handsome all the rest of the time.

Your son sounds kind of like me in this!  He sounds like a great kid, but one who needs (as I did) to be trained in some social skills.  So I think your trick is to do some dog-style Continue reading